8.01.05

Category: dribblings

hells bells is it august already? well, august, so far you are sucking harder than you ever have before. (i went back and reread this and HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! SUCK! GET IT?! THEN YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK. AND THANK GOD FOR THAT.)

i started reading the new chuck palahniuk book, haunted. about 6 or 7 pages into the book i threw it down and shouted, “NO!”
because what i was reading was so gross and horrible. HORRIBLE! it was, i’m fairly certain, the most disgusting, disturbing, gross gross gross thing i’ve ever read. and now it is a senario that is etched into my brain, and i can’t stop thinking about it and just wish it would go away.

the premise of the the book seemed kinda cool. but i don’t even want to touch it now. i don’t want to see it’s creepy cover; i don’t want it in the room with me. i don’t know how i’m going to get it back to the library. maybe i can get jimmy to put it in a bag for me. (i’d have him take it back for me, but he doesn’t know where the ‘brary is. he can’t read.)

UGH! get out of my head! stupid book! i hate you! you are EXCREMENT!

i mean, i’ve read some gross shit before, right? i have the internet. but this…this is…

i think i’m going to throw up.

if i could go to a place and have part of my memory erased, i would go and spend real money on that procedure and i would leave a note for myself in my checkbook:

Dear Jaimie,

I know that’s a huge chunk of money you just spent on having your brain erased. Just know that the money was well spent. I know you’re curious as to what was erased. I know I would be! HEE! Anyway, remember the movie Saw? Remember how outraged and sick you were after watching it? Not because it looked gross, but that the senarios were so sick that it made you sick to know that a human being wrote something so fucked up? Especially the part with the girl with the trap on her head and she had to…
Yeah, well what you had erased was like, 20 times worse. I was going to go ahead and have them erase Saw too (two for the price of one! what a deal!), but I needed it for reference. Sorry for bringing it up. Anyway, DO NOT READ HAUNTED BY CHUCK PALAHNIUK. Don’t even touch it. Some people might be tempted to go and read it after having it erased. The curiosity would eat them up inside and they’d have to go read it…just to know.

But I know that you won’t do that, because there’s no way you’d waste $2,000 like that. Good thing you’re a miser! Anyway, I’m sure you have a headache now, so go lay down and take an aspirin and rest and sleep…AND I SWEAR IF YOU READ THAT BOOK I’LL KILL YOU.

Love,

Jaimie

seriously?
i think i’m going to throw up.

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