the one about the olympics

Category: weekleez

tuesday, october 03, 2000

hi you guys. so, how about those olympics?
yeah whatever. i didn’t watch them. and for about 5 minutes i felt guilty for not watching them and for not caring about them at all and i said something about it to my friend laura “the sun NEVER sets on the british empire” bentley and do you know what she said? she looked me straight in the eye and said matter-of-factly, “the olympics don’t belong in the post-modern world.”
after she said that my first thought was, “wow, how could i have missed that?” and my second thought was, “geez, i really missed that. i wonder how i could’ve missed that?” but my THIRD thought was, “i must share this nugget of post-modern whatnot with the others.” the “others” being you guys of course.
so there it is. you guys might not agree with what she said but i thought it was a good sentence and all and it sounded real smart-like. and i thought about making a list of things that would back up laura’s statement, but i actually just wanted to make fun of the olympics.

so here are some silly and asinine reasons that the olympics have become silly and asinine in our post-modern world.
10. ok, there’s no more Wall.

9. annoying announcer people. um, yeah, hey announcer guy? you can be quiet now. we’re watching the event with you. you aren’t telling us anything that we aren’t seeing for ourselves. so please, stop talking.

8. the drama.

7. the drama. the drama thing gets two because that’s half of what they show anyway. i mean, come on. how many “touching” stories do we really need? actually, they should have an olympic event for just the sob stories. “and the gold winner of this year’s most horrible thing that could happen to an athlete right before the olympics goes to henrietta von pillbox who broke her ankle, gave birth and was mauled by a pack of wild dogs just three days before she was to perform.” and then the announcer guy will come on and say something really smart like, “we’re all wondering if this will hinder her performance in any way.” gee, ya don’t have to consult the magic eight ball* for that one.

6. in keeping with tradition of other lists that only have ten items or less, there will not nor has there ever been a number six (6). trust me.

5. women’s gynastics. uh, since when are 15 year old girls called women? it should be girl’s gymnastics.

4. commercials. am i supposed to believe that olympic athletes drink coke and eat mccdonalds food? those poor kids haven’t had anything fun to eat or drink in YEARS! years i tell you, years. they should just stop calling it the olympics and call it what it really is, the coca-cola summer games.

3. why don’t they show the guys with swords? ok, they aren’t swords, but they are sword-like. i mean, if there’s one thing we’ll watch its fencing right? they never show the fencing. i don’t think they ever have.

2. summer games are better than the winter games. winter games are better than the summer games. yeah yeah yeah. go argue amongst yourselves.

1. the olympics are confusing now. i mean, are they about the brotherhood of all nations coming together and competing in sports and being able to say, “good game”, “nice match”, or “you were a worthy opponent, i look forward to our next meeting.” or are they about “my country is better than your country”? i just don’t know. i think this has to do with reason number 10.

and so i’ve come full circle. well, i hope i didn’t offend any olympic fans out there. this was all in jest so please take it with a grain of salt and call me in the morning. maybe next week i’ll have a list of olympic events that PMs would watch. like i would know or something. sheesh.
who do i think i am?

until next week,

jaimie “who do i think i am?” pickle

*magic eight balls are neither magic nor eight balls. and i do not condone the use of them. but you guys knew that right? i mean what are the odds that one of you will write me and yell at me for refering to an evil tool of the devil? i know. “outlook not so good.”

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