the one about lunch with mr. b

Category: weekleez

tuesday, october 17, 2000

hi kids, if i had to title this one it would probably be something like, “my lunch with mr b” or “the zany, crazy, loony lunch” or maybe “mr toad’s wild day at the cracker barrel”. its probably a good thing i don’t title these things, isn’t it?

so anyway, i had the honor of eating lunch with jim “oh my gosh he’s waving a napkin high in the air” bentley the other day. maybe some of you know him?

so laura and i go to lunch with her father and for some reason i thought it would just be a normal dining experience. nay nay my friend, nay nay. mr. bentley is a jolly sort with rosy cheeks and a long white beard and when he laughs his gut shakes like a bowl full of jelly. no wait, that’s someone else. mr. bentley is a jolly sort with a short beard who gets a little upset when the restaurant does not have steak and biscuits. which is understandable i mean, they ran out of steak? i’d be a little upset too. so he opted for biscuits and gravy. why gravy? because he saw some on someone else’s table and it looked good.

so eventually we get our meals and i happen to forget to ask for ketchup (that’s right, i spell it ketchup, not catsup. catsup? that just looks nasty.) so i have no ketchup and the thing is i usually put ketchup on half of whatever i’m eating. so mr. b says, “you want ketchup? i’ll get you some ketchup.” and i say, “no thank you sir, i’ll get some in a minute.” i figured i would just wait for gary the waiter to walk by and that’s when i’d make my move for some ketchup. while i’m waiting for gary the waiter i kind of look around to see if there are any empty tables with bottles of ketchup on them. well, there were no empty tables but there was one table that had two (2) bottles of ketchup and the people at the table were finished eating and mr b notices this at about the same time that i notice it and he says, “you want me to get that bottle of ketchup for you?”

and i say, “NO! i’ll wait ’til they leave or until gary the waiter walks by.” and then he stands up.

“NO! what are you doing?” i ask as he continues to stand and look all across the room for what i can only suppose to be an empty table with a bottle of ketchup. and of course, people stare. and he sees that his antics are starting to worry and embarrass me. and he chuckles as he sits down and he says to me, “jaimie, i was a teacher for twenty (20) years and i’m a pastor. i’m used to having a roomful of people stare at me.”
i did a mental, “uh-oh.”

none of this seemed to phase laura. apparently she’s been to a restaurant with her father before. well, she was calm until he stood up a second time. that’s when she hid her face and i looked up to see jim “teacher and pastor” bentley standing tall and waving his napkin high in the air to get the attention of gary the waiter and everyone else in the restaurant as well.

when gary the waiter came over to our table i think laura was hiding in pile of lima beans and i was busy trying to tunnel my way under some hashbrowns. but i got some ketchup.

thanks mr b, for lunch and for the ketchup. lunch would’ve sucked without that ketchup.

so this brings me to the really important part of this letter: the shameless plug. our band, even so, will be playing this saturday (october 21) at the center for cultural arts (corner of 5th and broad st) in downtown gadsden. this is a great place to hear live music. its outside so bring the kids and they can yell and dance or whatever. but the very best part about it is its FREE. free as in, no money. it costs you nothing to hear us play. free. freeness. free.

the only thing better than hearing us play for free would probably be hearing us play for free while david “its just liz’s funny uncle” finlayson dances a jig. i know i can’t wait! (take that mr finlayson! ha ha! the day is mine! um, oops hit the silly button. sorry) right.

well, that’s it. hope you enjoy. i did have one other funny story to tell you guys but this email got a little long so maybe i’ll tell it next week. i mean, there’s nothing more uncool than an email that just drones on and on and on.

hope to see you all saturday (after you go to house of blue).

jaimie “a ninja does not reply “yes”. he merely nods.” pickle

mr b can really pack away those biscuits.

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