the one about halloween

Category: weekleez

october 31, 2001

hi kiddos,

happy halloween!  i really like halloween.  its pretty cool.  some people do not like halloween.  they think its evil.  well, historically i suppose it might be evil, lord satan’s holiday or something, but in today’s post modern world i can’t see how this day could be considered any more evil than any other holiday.  i mean, kids running around in vinyl jumpsuits that are coloured like their favorite cartoon, this is evil?   “trick or treat!”, that’s evil? (they probably don’t even know any tricks!)  carving the innards out of vegetables, evil?

dear friends, these things are not evil.  these things are perfectly harmless, just like witches, vampires,  mummies, beasts, and the living dead… all harmless*.

let’s talk evil.

10. arbour day.  oh sure, it sounds nice.  but if you get right down to it, its tree worship.  evil.

9. waitangi day.  this is a new zealand holiday so it may not seem as evil to us.  but this is the day that is celebrated in remembrance of the treaty of waitangi which was signed february 6, 1840.  this was the day that the maori tribes accepted victoria as their sovereign and in return they became citizens of the british empire.  yeah right.  this treaty was never ratified by new zealand parliament.  you know what that makes this holiday?  a lie.  evil.

8. st patrick’s day.  its not the drinking that’s evil.  its not the wearin’ o’ the green that’s evil.  and its not even the pinching that’s involved when someone isn’t wearing green that’s evil, (although its very annoying and why it got started i have no idea).  its that all the beer companies all of a sudden think they can be irish too.  sorry, budweiser, heineken, and corona… you’re not irish!  bring out the guiness!  well, there’s that and the whole “st patrick” thing.  i mean what was he?  a monk?  uh, wasn’t he kidnapped and sold into slavery or something?  what are we celebrating here?  confusion. evil.

7. any solstice, equinox, comet, eclipse and other nature event.  evil.  supposedly  on one of those solstice days they say you can stand an egg up on its small end and that it will balance like that.  i don’t know if that’s true or not.  i’ve never tried it.  you know why?  evil.

6.  there is no, nor has there ever been, a number six (6).  6 is evil.

5.  squid day.  this is a holiday started by a group of wacky zany people.  they ought not be in charge of making holidays.  its celebrated on the ides of october.  and no one is exactly sure what the day is celebrating.  it doesn’t matter.  its evil.

4.  president’s day.  this holiday is evil.  they select two lucky shemps who were presidents.  they put their heads on coins.  and then they encourage we the people to spend our coins on sales at shopping malls and other such places.  do you realize how evil that is?

3.  halloween.  hey, this day is evil!  i mean, there’s kids running around in vinyl cartoon suits!  they’re begging for candy and yelling horrible things like, “trick or treat!” or “gimmie candy!” or “I’ll swallow your soul!”  and people carve scary demon faces in pumpkins.  there’s bats, goblins, witches, vampires and other evil, nasty beings and people are celebrating this day!  how dare they take this evil day of darkness so lightly!  **sigh** evil.

2.  st. valentine’s day or christmas?  i couldn’t decide.  they both seemed pretty funny to put as being more evil than halloween.  so you pick.

1.  leap year.  **scream of horror**

an evil list indeed.

the really important thing to remeber about evil is this:
@^$# QFS EA RE U^^* M  REYRTB #N ^%
so keep that in mind.

anyway, this friday (november 3) at 7pm at vineyard gadsden we are having the last of the concert series events.  there are two bands playing, the opening band is liz “its just liz”,  amanda “miss jackson if you’re nasty” akins and tiffany “will there be butter served?” holiday.  and the main event is dog named david.  this should be a great concert.  so bring the fam.  we do ask for a $5 donation.  this money goes to pay the band, so don’t be stingy.

until next week…

jaimie “so that’s evil. huh.” pickle

* these creatures are perfectly harmless if you’ve seen the movies and you now how to kill them.  vamps get a stake thru the heart (wooden of course).  wolfman gets a silver bullet.  frankenstien’s monster, well, he’s human so just kill him!  zombies get a shotgun blast to the head, so have plenty of ammo. witches are a bit tricky. good luck with the witch thing.  mummies, you fool! why did you open the mummy’s crypt?  are you some kind of idiot?  apparently you are and thus deserve the curse that the mummy will put on you.   as for clowns, its simple, if you are unable to cut the clown in to tiny bits and mail them to separate parts of the world then i suggest this: when you kill the horrible beast, (by any means, they’re easier than hell to kill, its the keeping them dead that’s hard) try burying them face down.  that way when they try to dig themselves out of their graves they actually dig their grave deeper.  but you guys knew all that right?

Tags: , ,

No Comments

Comments are closed.