the one about the hospital

Category: weekleez

tuesday, november 7, 2000

hi kidos,

so anyway i had this letter all typed and it was pretty good. it started out with something about voting and politics and then it went to founding fathers and then a pretty wacky list of founding mothers. there were 10 of them of course, and yes, there was no number 6.

but then i realized that i had a list in last week’s letter and so maybe i should make this letter into one of my parafables. or maybe i’ll tell you the parafable and then give you the list of muthas at the end. who knows?

true story.

i was at the hospital earlier today and so there i was at the hospital. the hospital is a crazy place filled with nervous people including me. so i sat in the waiting room. i was waiting. and then got tired of waiting so i decided to leave.

i stood by the elevator patiently waiting for it to arrive. i would have taken the stairs but i couldn’t find them. where are the stairs anyway?

so there is a lady standing next to me and she looks really nervous and upset and so i smile at her because what else am i supposed to do? she looks away and she says to me (i think she was talking to me. i was the only person there so i just assume (uh oh) she was talking to me) so she says to me, “this is a real bad place.”

i did a mental gasp.

that’s all she said. and the weird thing is she didn’t look at me when she said it, but like i said before i was the only one there so i just figure she was talking to me. and man this elevator is really taking a long time.
and so i, being me, feel the need to respond to the lady who may or may not be talking to herself. so i say, “you mean this floor inparticular or hospitals in general?”

i was trying to take the edge off of the situation. but then she didn’t respond so i thought to myself, “great james, you just upset the upset lady even more!” good one, moron.

ding.

the elevator door opened and we got on, and of course we’re still alone. and the tension is coming off of her in waves that could probably be detected by a richter scale or a gieger counter or some other measuring device. and thus commences the longest elevator ride ever.

then all of a sudden its calm and she says (to me?), “i guess it can be a good place or a bad place.”

ding.

elevator opens and, i swear, she disappeared. and of course there is no one else around for me to ask, “what does that mean?” or “did i miss something?” or “was she talking to me?” or more importantly, “did that really happen?”

ok, i’ll admit that my list of muthers was tons funnier than that story. however, the important thing is that the story has a lesson to it. its a common lesson and was first written about in 1734 in a book called the book of very nearly certain truths.

um well, that’s a lie. but the lesson here is this: if something odd is going to happen to you then you will most likely be alone. and it will more than likely be on an elevator. so keep that in mind.

last friday’s concert was very cool and all of those who attended now have their very own dog named david story. the opening act was liz “its just liz”, amanda “copper cookie cutters” akins and tiffany “witha banjo on my knee” holliday and they did a great job too. and dog named daivd was very cool and funny and so was herb. huh?

and so my friends that’s the weekly email for the week of november 7, 2000.

yours truly,

jaimie “i’ve always been a fan of farmer benign” pickle

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