the one about muthas

Category: weekleez

tuesday, november 14, 2000

wow, its tuesday already. but you know what? i like thursdays. and i’m going to tell you why i like thursdays.

on thursdays i can go and buy the new buy/sell bulletin. perhaps there is one or two of you who do not know what the buy/sell bulletin is? i’ll tell you. its a local ad thingy. you can sell anything you own and your ad is free.

and true i do look thru the ads (usually just the electronics section) but the best parts of the BSB are the personals, lost and found, and opinions. i mean, where else can you read something like, “to the lady who talked to me at the gas station and told me she liked my truck and camo boots, i forgot your number. please leave an ad for me in next weeks issue. bear.”

here is one that was in the opinions section in last weeks issue, “person who left skidder in ohatchee on my property, i need you to pick it up. i gave you free lumber and you have not bothered to contact me at all. if not picked up i will be forced to have it removed myself. call and let us know something….” um, that was an opinion?

and there was one in the personals that cracked me up. it was some lady wanting to meet a good man and she described herself as “still considered attractive and christian…”

but my favorite one from this week was in the lost and found section. “BRING BACK MY CAT!!! On hallowe’en night a woman took my black and white Sylvester cat from my home. She was not a stray! She was mine and I would like to have her back. I know you live nearby, else why would you come trick or treating three times to my home? Bring back my cat!…”

hoo, what great local fun! and that’s why i like thursdays.

in the last email i sent i mentioned a list of mothers. this list tells us that muthers are important and that we can really learn a lot from a mutha.

10. muther earth. mother earth teaches us new things every day. things like, “don’t build on a major fault line.” but the thing is, you gotta listen to mother earth. or she’ll kill you.

9. mama cass. you know, there’s a sick joke just dying to be said here. but i’ll be good. yeah right. anyway, mama is california dreaming way up there in that far-out stage in the sky. and she might be chowin’ on some chicken and rootbeer too, i have no idea. i’m a sick ticket aren’t i? lesson learned? take small bites. (will i be doomed for all eternity for taking such cheap shots all for a measley laugh? ha. i haven’t even gotten to helen keller yet.)

8. helen keller. NO! no no no. wait. stop. helen keller is not on this list.

8. angie dickinson. before she was police woman and after she was jfk’s girltoy she was “big, bad mama”. the touching story of a mother and her turn to a life of crime so that her children wouldn’t have to live the life of poverty that she’s had to live. lesson learned? when asked if you want to be the star of a tv show about a police woman know this, your show will be cancelled and another show will be put in its place and it will be about three police women.

7. mother shipton. i dunno. some psychic broad who lived in england about 500 years ago. her prophecies read kinda like nursery rhymes. but i don’t think she died in any sort of horrible way so i don’t know what the lesson is. anyway, its an interesting read. http://www.mothershipton.co.uk/mother.htm of course, i have no idea if any of this is true or not. so i guess maybe the lesson could be, “don’t believe anything you read on the internet. LIES! its all lies!!” or something like that.

6. in keeping with tradition blah blah blah other blah everybody knows that blah blah blah and there is no #6. like i would forget?

5. ma barker. the “ozark crime matriarch”. its a sick world you guys. the movie was a comedy right?

4. mother teresa of calcutta. a great, kind and selfless soul. and unfortunately when you are as great and selfless as she it opens the door for idiots to come out of the woodwork brandishing their mtoc shaped donuts. sheesh.

3. mom. as in, my mom. she’s pretty cool. but she’s not as cool as shaft.

2. shaft. he was the baddest mutha. who’s the black private dick that’s the sexmachine with all the chicks? shaft. can you dig it? shaft was the man. john shaft. now shutchyo mouth.

1. mother goose. love the goose.

and well, that’s it. if i had to say one thing about all of this it would probably go something like this, there is a watch night this friday night at the vineyard (gadsden, broad st) and so if you feel led to go to that then go to it. michael “with kungfu grip” bynum sent out an email telling all about the watch night and what to do to prepare for it and all sorts of other important informative stuffs. if you did not get that email and you need that email then let him know. his email addy might be GreeneStreet@peoplepc.com but i’m not really sure about that, he changes his email every couple of months. i think he’s hiding from someone.

keep it real.

jaimie “else why would you come trick or treating three times to my home?” pickle

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