8.14.05

Category: dribblings

i went to Johnson’s (my neighborhood grocery store) yesterday for i was out of beer and eggs and Auntie Mae’s Cajun Peanuts. the cashier was a bit flirty in that “don’t i know you from somewhere?” kind of way. i was a bit annoyed in that, “we’ve been through this before. i don’t think so.” kind of way. (she does this to me every time. maybe she does it to everybody?)
she was not to be detered in that, “no, i know you. you’re really familiar.” kind of way.
somewhat more annoyed because looking out the windows of the store the sky looked like it was going to drop buckets at any moment, i responded with a shake of my head in a, “i don’t know.” kind of way.

she kept staring at me and asked me where i worked.

i wanted to respond in a, “just how long does it take to ring up 10 items, lady?! the bottom is about to fall out! go! go! go!”
but instead i answered in a, “i paint houses.” kinda way.
she was disappointed in an, “oh.” kinda way. and started ringing up the rest of my groceries. but never one to give up she then asked in a, “well, i used to work at The Other Downtown Grocery Store, maybe i know you from there?” kind of way.
i wanted to respond in a, “i think i can count the number of times i’ve been in that store on one hand.” kind of way, but i didn’t. because even though i’m an ass in real life i don’t always have to be one out loud.
“well, maybe. i guess.”
“i know i know you.”
“maybe i just have one of those faces?”
“no. i know you.”
“…”
“well, have a good day and try not to get too wet.”

what? i look outside and i’ll be darned if it’s not pouring gigantic cat and dog sized buckets of rain. AND lightning. the strikey kind.

so i get out of the store and i’m standing under the awning with 4 old black ladies.
which, if you have to get stuck outside in a storm, i recommend getting stuck with 4 old black ladies. they were very sweet.
“oh baby, this is what we call a baptizin’ rain!”

anyway, 15 minutes later and the storm is NOT letting up. but the lightning has slacked off so i make a break for it even though my car is nearly at the end of the lot. i figure, i haven’t had a shower yet anyway. well, by the time i get to the jeep i am completely soaked. it’s hilarious. and then there i am struggling to get my soaked groceries into the car. THEN i see two old ladies struggling to put TWO cartloads of groceries in their trunk and i think, “oh hell. fine.” i mean, it’s not like i could get any wetter. so i went and helped them and we were all screaming (the rain was too loud to talk normal) and laughing.

i get back to my jeep and get in and my hat? i’ve got drops coming off the bill of the cap. right on my lap. it looked really absurd.
i get back to my house and get more wet (impossible) from carrying all my groceries up the stairs. i bring all my groceries into the kitchen and start to put them away, and i look out the window…
oh, you know what happened. yes, you do…

THE RAIN STOPPED.

HATE. YOU.

but then i unloaded the brown paper bags of Auntie Mae’s Cajun Peanuts and they were completely soaked and i excaimed, “oh no! my nut sacks are all wet!”
it was at this point that the maniacal laughter set in.

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