7.11.05

Category: dribblings

oh! oh! we had a Crazy Margaret sighting today! and she was in rare form.
as we were heading to the car i hear, “JAIMIE! WAIT!” uh oh.

jimmy was all, “quick! get in the car!”
and i was all, “no. wait. we can’t do that.”

so Crazy Margaret comes up and says, “i have something for you.”
“you do?”

“yeah, it’s a round, and it has this big piece of glass and like how Best’s used to have the one with the tiger and the feet? and it’s really nice and-“

“um, are you talking about a coffee table?” see, Best has this coffee table and it’s a bear and the bear is on it’s back and so it’s paws hold up the glass table top.

“yeah! and i brought it over here yesterday but you weren’t home again so-“

“what? no, i don’t need a coffee table-“

“but it’s really nice and-“

“no, margaret. really. i don’t want one.”

“well, okay then but-“

“look, we need to go now.”

“okay but listen i have to tell you this first because you need to know about it, but lola over there she’s crazy, i mean, really. she’s crazy.” and i swear, it gets harder and harder not to laugh aloud when she starts calling other people crazy. but she goes on, “anyway i saw her cat over here in your yard the other night and it was sitting on the bench there and i was going to chase it away because what she does is, she sends the cat over to watch you having sex, and then the cat goes back to her and jumps on her belly and does this.” and she motions like how cats make biscuits on her stomach, and says, “and then she starts groaning. and that how she talks to it. it’s a good cat, but she punishes it a lot.”

wow. that is some crazy.

“so like i said, i tried to chase the cat away but she must’ve known what i was going to do because i got sick and i made it to over there,” she points at the parking lot of the Board of Education and says, “and i puked up the demons ‘cos she made me sick.”

“wow. well. okay.” at some point she had even talked about this striped rat that jumped from one tree to another tree that made her fall? and also something about some lady that lives behind me somewhere that also spies and steals stuff? and she was in prison or something?

“so yeah now you know about her cat. ‘cos the cat watches you have sex. she tells it to. it’s a good cat but she punishes it a lot. Best didn’t like lola at all because she ran into the fence, your fence now, three times and it took her forever to get the money for it. i tell lola not to drive on your drive way but she just tells me that you can go to hell.”

“uh huh. well, thanks-“

“don’t ever help her. she’ll turn on you. i don’t know what i’m going to do. i’ve been to the doctor and they tell me this and this and tell me to go to another doctor and they don’t know. and i have these pains and i cry out and,” and at the point she grabs her crotch and says, “and it feels like something is cutting me-”

“okay margaret, we have to go now. we’ll see you around.”

“well, alright…” and she continues talking after we close the car doors and drive away. and oh man, we start laughing. jimmy said, “oh my gosh.”
“i know. wasn’t that the craziest thing yet?”
“i cannot believe that we haven’t recorded any of these yet.”
“i know, right? but that, that was the craziest!”
“yeah, Grade A.”
“it was amazing. i can’t wait to blog about it.”
“do you think any of it is true?”
“what? like the cat, and her puking up demons?”
“no. like the part where lola hates you and Best.”
“oh that. yeah. she probably does say those things, but she’s probably more mad that she has to deal with margaret too.”
“oh.”
“i hear them yelling at each other all the time.”
“we really need to record this.”
“i’m just glad that you were here to hear this one. it was particularly good. i’m glad there’s a witness.”
“who was the other lady she talked about, the one in prison?”
“i have no idea. but what was the deal when she grabbed her crotch?”
“i don’t want to know.”
“yeah, good point.”

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