10.30.04
recently, on the fleegan reefer log:
old house smell
funny pickle names
tennis skirts
free stuff for pregnant moms in canada*
scary stuff wav
mr pickle porn
eat me greek t-shirt from eurotrip movie**
bum fights coupon***
can eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches really help you lose weight****
bananas make my stomach hurt*****
why is pickle ball called pickle ball******
touch your head with a pickle
poem*******

*i wish i had some info on free stuff for mommies of the great white north. or even for here in the usa. because moms need free stuff. like beer and smokes and oh wait, not the pregnant moms. they need uh, orange juice? soy? i don’t know what they need. but i know that whatever they need should be free.

**again with the eurotrip? shit, you’d think i had a fan page with as many hits i get about eurotrip. it’s muy bizarre.

***bum fights!

****i dunno. but probably not. because i’d say that my diet consists mostly of pb&j’s and my ass is not shrinking. maybe it’s the beer.

*****me too, honey. and i wish someone (FA, CZ) would tell me why. i’ll gladly share the findings.

******what the hell is pickle ball?

*******random much?

10.29.04
i am exhausted. this whole “painting houses” gig is making me old.

****

a pro and con of gall bladder removal:

con: i’m no longer the raging alcoholic that i once loved to be. i drink one beer and i’m ready for bed. and not like, the sexxxy kind of bed either. like the kind of bed that you fall on top of in your work clothes only meaning to “rest your eyes” and waking up the next day.

pro: i sleep like a rock. and when i wake up at least a full 6 hours later i’m confused about what time it is and where i’m at. the sleep is that good.

and that’s just from beer. i haven’t had any liquor yet.

****

i flipped the channels again last night as i sipped my one beer. i was going to watch the Horse Racing Channel because who doesn’t love to watch a good previously recorded simulcast of a horse race? there’s even a sidebar with all the numbers and odds and things. so strange.

but i settled for watching the Catholic Channel. Mother Angelica’s Fabulous Catholic Show was on. or whatever it’s called. she was doing the illuminations of christ. or something. it basically involved a few stories and a million hail mary’s and those nuns looked bored out of their minds.

then i finished my beer right as some guy in a dopey hat was explaining transubstantiation (spanish?), in a segment they call Does the Church Still Teach That?

10.27.04
Dear St. Louis Cardinal Fans,

Sorry about losing the World Series. I was totally rooting for you. My bad.

Love,

Jaimie

the team i cheer for always seems to lose. mostly.
however, it’s not really my fault this time. who knew that the sox were so good at hitting and pitching and i guess even fielding? although it’s not like anyone got to hit the ball for them to field anyway. so really, i guess you could replace the outfield with scarecrows and still they would have won. so yeah, they’ve got some great pitchers and the hitters are pretty unforgiving too. who knew that a baseball team could be so good at…baseball?

****

i have TV now. so i was able to watch the Series on MY very own TV. it’s satellite (spanish?) TV and that sounds very glamorous. it’s not all peasanty like cable. it’s satellite. admittedly i don’t watch a lot of TV. but now that i have satellite (via the woodlaysons. it was my birthday present. they are very sweet people. twice the sweetness!) i try to make time to watch some TV. usually it’s the Daily Show.

i have noticed that even though i now have glorious satellite television the same shit is still on TV. everytime i flip through the channels i see good times, sportscenter, rap, and whatever that shit is on Sci-Fi (stargate? starscape? SG? whatever). oh yeah, and on Lifetime: Some Generic Wifebeater Movie. thank you Lifetime, you screaming bunch of manhaters.

Dear ESPN,

Hi. I’m a fairly good sportsfan. I love baseball and hockey. I enjoy professional football (not college football though). I’ll admit I’m not much of a basketball fan, but don’t hold that against me, okay? Anyway, I recently have aquired Amazing Satellite Television and I’ve discovered that I’ve got 3 different ESPN channels. Boy, was I ever excited about that! Especially now that I’ve got my own televesion and I can watch whatever the hell I want to watch! So liberating!

Anyhow, I was just wondering if you could explain something to me. Why is it that you never play any sports on your channels? I mean, seriously, you have 3 channels on my TV and I only ever see Sportscenter on them. And? Everyone knows that Sportscenter comes on 4 times in a row. So? Why is it on all 3 channels? The way I see it, you don’t need 3 channels. You just need the one.

You should totally hire me as consultant.
I will save you so much money.

Or? You could just show some sports, ya dig?

Love,

Jaimie Pickle

10.19.04
Bush might win. Hell, he didn’t win last time and we still got stuck with him. I find the prospect of another four years of that pig-eyed jackass and his cabal of amoral bigots so profoundly frightening and depressing that I almost want to move to Canada if it comes to that.

a very good essay on voting.
everyone who is able to vote should do so. there’s really no excuse.
don’t be a lazy poop head. jimmy.
and maybe you think that voting doesn’t really matter (it probably doesn’t. i know that here in alabama my vote won’t count, but i’m still gonna do it.) but still, it’s a right that was earned by other people for all people. and when you think about it? it’s been less than 100 years since women have had the right to vote. so you, being a woman, should totally be all, “hell, yeah i’m voting!”. liz. (who i’m going to start referring to as Mrs. Cheney since the last time voting came up she turned and yelled “F*** YOU, JAIMIE!” before i could say anything about how people should exercise their right to vote.) neener!

10.18.04
mr. fleegan and i saw the “puppet movie” last night. holy moly that was funny. and clever too. very clever. dare i say, smart?
but, it was quite vulgar.

****

okay kids. listen.
some of you out there are looking up porn on the interweb (interweb!) i know you are because i can see some of the searches you’ve made. personally, i don’t care about your porn habit (dirty! hee.). however, a small portion (god, let’s hope it’s small) are looking up porn stuff that includes children. and you? you’re going to hell. and i don’t mean that in a judging judgehole judgemental way. not at all. what i mean is that i’m going to make sure you go to hell.

so the next person who searches for ‘kids ******* kids’ and ends up on my site (and by the way, how are these sick bastards ending up here?) just know that i’m watching you and i know where you live and i promise that i’m going to do all i can to make sure that your maggot infested brain ends up in hell. and you’re gonna burn. so you might want to go back to regular porn.
see? i’m not unreasonable.

****

laura? can you make me a header with that green thing and that lettertype like how you do for my site that says FREE MARTHA so i can type other things in that other box? you can even make it in pastel colors if you want. i think martha would like that. hee.

10.16.04
gosh oh golly i hope it’s the cardinals and yanks in the world series this year. ‘cos st. louis hasn’t been to the series since 1987 (i think) and also, it would just be rad.
of course, boston hasn’t been to the series since 1986 (is that right?) so really, they’re due too, right? but then, what kind of yankees fan would i be if i rooted for boston. i wouldn’t be a yankees fan at all if i rooted for boston. and i’m a good yankees fan. really. i mean, i never faltered during the ’80s. and let’s face it, they couldn’t play themselves out of a wet paper sack in the ’80s.

but now that i’m thinking about it, houston? have they ever? i don’t think they have. in fact, i’m not sure they’ve ever won a pennant. so, hmm. maybe i should root for the ‘stros in this pennant race since they are such with the underdogging. much to ponder.

****

Tami Spark’s art show was faboo.
i must purchase something, but which one? oh, you know which one.

****

reefer log:
pickle lover
pickle sniffing
how to pickle tripe

answer?
you don’t pickle tripe, you sick ticket, you use it as bait and that’s it. it’s not fit for human consumption. hell, i wouldn’t feed it to my cat (she finds her own. blast!) there should be no pickling of tripe. ever.

how helpful am i today?

10.15.04
new weekly

i watched supersize me last night. wow. fast food can kill you. beware.

*****

tonight i am going to Tami Spark’s Awesome Artshow Extravaganza! at the 215 on 4th Street (which is not the address, although it is on 4th Street) she has titled it Wake. and that sounds awesome to me. then after the show i’m going to dad’s ‘cos he’s making homemade potato soup, and lately my life has been about soup. lots of soup.
too much soup?
never.
well. yeah.

anyway i’m going to make small muffulettas to go with the soup. even as i type this i’m searching for olive salad recipes. and when i find a good one i’ll post the link, ‘cos man, olive salad makes anything better (kinda like fire only not as dangerous) and muffulettas are the best.

heck, here’s the whole shootin’ match. muffuletta. although he spells it muffalata. hm.

reefer log:
short tennis skirts
toonces t-shirt
wet panty porn

the internet is stupid.

10.13.04
last night the Noojin’s had Mr. Fleegan and i over for dinner. Florrie cooked up some great chinese food. it was delicious.
delicious i tell you!

also, they gave me a candle for my birthday.
the scent?
lightning bug.

just kidding!

the scent?
butt naked.

not kidding!

it smells like tropical fruit and not like a school gym locker room. which is good ‘cos my place already smells like a gym locker. not really. but it does have kind of a funny smell to it. i can’t put my finger on it. i think it oozes from the walls. it’s that Old House Smell. so if i clean it smells like bleach and Old House. if i light a candle it smells like apples (and now butt naked) and Old House. if i smoke a cigar it smells like cigar stank and Old House.

******

laura had me watch saved! last night. it was about these overly christian kids. it was funny and sorta sweet, i guess. laura told me to watch it ‘cos, “there’s one part you have to see.”
laura, was it her “prayer”? or was it the part where the other girl screams, “i am FULL of Christ’s love!” and throws her Bible point blank at the other girl?
because those made me laugh.
also the jew girl.

10.12.04
well, i did go to the Proper Food Store the other day. and i did buy a bag of yellow apples. and i ate one. and it was good. and it didn’t hurt my tummy or anything.
but yesterday, after lunch, i had an apple.
and it made me sick.
i thought i was going to hurl.
what gives?
fruit is becoming my nemisis. Fruit Nemisis.

dad: are you okay?
me: i think i’m going to puke.
dad: was it the apple?
me: yeah, maybe it was a poisoned apple.
dad: did you have any poisoned apples in the ‘fridge?
me: specifically poisoned?
dad: yeah.
me: no. not that i’m aware of.
dad: heh.
me: but i’d like to think that i would keep my specifically poisoned apples in a separate crisper.
dad: heh.
me: maybe it was the cat.

Cat Nemisis.

the reefer log has been hilarious lately:
honesty counter not updating
what the moon looked like on the 08.10.04

and, thanks to Cowboy Zydeco, several ‘panty pirate’ searches. as well as the regulars (with variations) of modcore, pickled tongue (and vegetables), and euro-furking-trip. and that radio station.

10.10.04
do you realize that this month the Weekly turns 4?
Four is a total modcore number.

4.
mod.
core.

referal log:
pickle nightmares
beowulf selfish
www.modcore.com
pickle ball
how much money do pharacist make
can bananas give you heart

i’m so nosy, i want to know what the beowulf thing is about.

Dear Beowulf Searcher Person,

Will you be my Beowulf Penpal?

Love,

Jaimie Pickle

is the word pharacist on my site? other than just now? because if it is, i am so ashamed. also, i hope bananas do give you heart. well, not just bananas, but all fruit really.
i love apples.
the yellow ones.

this “update” seems disjointed and rambly. i haven’t had any proper food since lunch yesterday. this is mainly because i don’t have any proper food at my house. and i’m about to remedy that by going to the food store. the Proper Food Store. to buy my Proper Food. food with manners?
tactful food.
like apples.

10.08.04
new weekly.

not happy.

got the hospital bill. holy jesus. it’s a new car.
i think i’d rather have the car and a bum gall bladder than surgery.

i didn’t qualify for Medicaid. because I Make Too Much Money. now there’s a farce.
so far this year? (and we’re in October now) i’ve made $5,400.

of course if i was pregnant or an unwed mother…hell, i’m talking free ride all around. but no, Good Little Single Girls Who Contribute To Society get punished.

i blame the republicans in charge.
because it is my freedom to do so.
and, let’s face it, they’re assholes.

reefer log:
scary stuff when stuff pops out
why do bananas make my stomach hurt
(i don’t know! but they hurt me too!)
pickle pops
panty pirate
pickle.wav file
blow up pickle
ships called the pickle
pickle breath disease
scary science pickle page
turn a pickle into a car
part from the ceries jackass
(ceries?)

10.06.04
i know.
you wouldn’t believe me even if i told you.
but really.
i have been trying to update.

honestly.

see?
i told you you wouldn’t believe me.

it’s the Fates. they are against me.
as is the cat.

Toonces Whorecat has interrupted my sleep in various ways for the last week. i’ll tell you of two ways.
1. i was dreaming of slugs. then all a sudden i’m jerked screaming from my sleep because there is something cold and wet in my right nostril. a slug! egad!

nay.

Dear Toonces,
Why did you shove your nose in my right nostril at 2:30 in the morning?

Curiously Yours,

Jaimie Pickle

2. i awoke at 2:40am (pattern much?) because i felt pressure on my head. the beginnings of a sinus infection?

nay.

Dear Toonces,
Why were you standing on my head?

– JP

*****

i’m in love with greek things: plays, poetry, Sophokles, Stamos, etc.
and last night i read Oedipus at Kolonos which is the third and final Oedipus play. it’s the one where he dies. it was great. also it was the latest translation so it was very easy to read and i hope that high school teachers start using that translation for all the Oedipus stuff because i think that 17 year olds around the world will find that one easy to read and understand.

Dear High Scool Teachers of the World,

Start using the newest translation of Sophokles, m’kay?
It’s hellabetter.
i can’t remember the translator but it seems like it was a collaboration, a guy and a girl i think.

Just do it.

Love,
Leetle Haimie Huxtables

*****

speaking of greek things, i’m still trudging through The Iliad. i’m on Book VIII. it has become tiresome and boring (and that’s why i switched to Sophokles. am i spelling that right?) ‘cos basically it’s the same thing over and over. “So & So slayed This Guy. then He struck down That Dude, and That Dude’s armour clanged. then This Side started to win so a random god from Mt. Olympus came down and helped the Losing Side so the fighting stopped and they all buried their dead.”

meanwhile everyone is still hating Paris.
even Helen.
especially Helen.

which is confusing ‘cos didn’t she run away with him in the first place?
derp?

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