The One About Themed Chess Sets

Category: weekleez

The One About Themed Chess Sets
May 28, 2008

hi kids,

it is well known among our friends that mr. fleegan and i happen to be great nerds. we do not shun our nerdom, nay, we try to embrace it, and yet manage somehow to not boast (much) of our nerdly deeds. that being said, the one part of my life that is severely lacking in nerdness is that of the “gaming” variety.

oh sure, i subscribe to gametap so i can play all the old sega shit, and i was really into Myst URULive, (until they did away with it.) and i’ve been known to waste an hour or ten at flipword, but who hasn’t? and i wasn’t going to mention the Guitar Hero franchise THAT I TOTALLY DOMINATE, B1TCH3S! E4T 1T! but i figure that i should mention it because well, YOU SUXORS, PUKEFACE!

but for the most part i’m not that into video games because there’s too many buttons and things are trying to kill you and there’s time limits and mushrooms and rupies to collect and really, i just don’t have the time. well, that’s a lie. i’ve time. it’s mainly the too many buttons and the dying and having to start over that bug me.

so i continue to rock the sudoku and the word games on gametap (and that stupid D.N.A. game where you make flowers? yeah, i’ve lost time to that game as well.) and sometimes my friends and i play cards or dice. but the one game i used to play when i was a kid that i NEVER get to play anymore is chess.

i love chess. i loved it when i was a kid because it was like checkers with brains, and the pieces were so cool, like the hood ornaments on cars. and i felt like a grown up because chess is a game that old people and freaky brainiac children play. not everyone knew how to play it, so if you knew how you’d get to play more games at school cos everyone had to wait and take turns to play checkers. but it was only me and this one other kid, mark, who knew how to play chess. so we pretty much got to rock the chess board for the whole P. E. period… on rainy days. if it was nice out we were outside being forced to play kickball or four square. and so it was, on rainy days you knew what color you’d be by who got to the chessboard first. white goes first, but we would rush to the board to get to pick the color first so we could pick black, because the black pieces always looked cooler, slicker, and somehow smarter.

when we got a little older it wasn’t cool to play games and it was even less cool to play a game with a boy. “ew!”
so i stopped playing chess at school. every once in a while my brother and i would play at home, but he was way more into nientendo than chess. and then i grew up and married a nerd! would you believe me if i told you that mr. fleegan doesn’t know how to play chess? at least, that’s what he tells me. maybe he just doesn’t want to play chess, right? i mean, it’s not very action-y. it’s kinda dull, really. so maybe he lied about his lack of chess so he wouldn’t have to play a boring old game. i did badger him about it, and i really think he doesn’t know how to play. and since it’s not animated and there’s no aliens shooting at you when you play, he has no real want to learn. i told him his nerd license was going to be revoked. but he said he’s a geek and not a nerd so he didn’t have to know how to play chess.

is this true?

so i’ve still no one to play chess with. which is no big loss i guess. i’m not really a competitive person. plus it’s saving me a shit-ton of money because YOU KNOW i’d have me that Civil War chess set by now. pewter pieces with the felt bottoms, baby! you know which one i’m-a talkin’ about. with not just any board, but the big, horking raised board with all the battle scenes and rebel flags and junk. oh yeah.
Franklin Mint, suckas!

so really, it’s a blessing that i’m not getting to play chess. my house would be dedicated to themed chess sets that you, being a normal, would never even realize existed until you came over and then it would just make you sad. sad to know that there are themed chess sets such as:
Ancient Egypt the Chess Set!

and you know all about harry potter having a chess set:

but did you know there’s a Hogwarts/Quidditch set? catch the golden snitch and it’s checkmate, fool!

and of course we’ve got to have a Star Wars set.

oh snap! let the wookie win!

and i’m not even going to go to where the Lord of the Rings chess sets live, because they wouldn’t live at my house. but you know me, i’d probably spring for a Spiderman set. and i love how the board looks like a rooftop for some awesome 3D moves!

and my summer parties would be all the rage with the Giant Fucking Yard Chess:

“mom! billy’s slipnsliding through our chess game again!”
“billy, i told you to leave your nerds, i mean, your brothers alone!”

and your livingroom will look like “a goddamn town meeting” when all your friends come over to play Aliens chess! GAME OVER, MAN! (and i love how the alien pieces look like the alien is dancing to the theme from Fame. and now, so do you.) is Ripley the king or the queen?

i couldn’t find Xena, Highlander, or NASCAR themed sets.

but they do have Sherlock Holmes the Chess Set.

and Batman.

they also have Simpson’s, Peanuts, marijuana chess (the pawns were pot leaves and the other stuff was bongs and junk. not a real typical chess nerd thing i wouldn’t think.), Transformers chess, Alien vs. Predator Chess, lots of fancy metal-y chess with wizards and dragons, Lego, some regular chess pieces made out of pretty wood or precious metals, or frosted glass, ivory, jade, rubber. there is shotglass chess (and how much fun could drunk chess be? probably not very fun.) and Lord of the Rings shotglass chess:

cos the regular LotR figurine chess set wasn’t gay enough.

there is every war you can think of: Waterloo, Trafalgar, Hastings, Revolutionary War, Crusades.

there’s many fancy sets that i’d love to have including this one:

it reminds me of the crystals from Superman’s Fortress of Solitude and can’t you almost hear Marlon Brando telling his son he loves him?

i think i’ve read some weird things about Man Ray, and i probably wouldn’t have been friends with him or anything, but damn, i do love his chess design.

i extra special LOVE this set made out of nuts and bolts and car parts:

thankfully, my credit card is nowhere near the computer or i totally would have ordered that thing. it was a little over $200, which i didn’t think was too bad really.

i’m not usually a fan of the marble/stone chess set, but i actually like this one. i think it’s the board and the fact that white pieces aren’t so white.

this ends The One About Themed Chess Sets. i’m all nerded out.

jaimie “would.you.like.to.play.a.game?” pickle

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