The One About The Little House on the Prairie

Category: weekleez

 
i think his hair has healing powers

The One About Little House on the Prairie
September 05, 2005

hi kids,

on friday night as i was sleeping into the wee hours of saturday, i was dreaming these epic dreams about Bonanza! a show that i have never watched in my life. in these dreams (theeeese dreeeeeams!) the Bonanza! show was amazing and it had a very young Michael Landon, who didn’t seem very Michael Landon-y because he didn’t have The Hair. but he was a very nice character. and then when a commercial came on…in my dream…the commercial said that there would be a three-day marathon of Michael Landon shows where they were only going to play Bonanza!, Little house on the Prairie, and Highway to Heaven. and, and, and…they were calling the channel TV Landon instead of TV Land.

when i woke up during the night, i noticed that Bonanza! was actually playing on the television and that it had incorporated itself into my dreams…not only that, but i was indeed watching TV Land (which is so odd, because i don’t recall falling asleep to TV Land.) and they had in fact, started a 3-day marathon of Michael Landon shows and WERE IN FACT, calling it TV Landon.

*sigh*

as i was falling asleep again i watched some of the Bonanza! and i gotta say, those are the CLEANEST cowboys i’ve ever seen. in fact? i hate to say this ‘cos i’m not entirely sure, but i think that Little Joe? i think he wears silk shirts. what kind of Kansas City queer cowboy shit is this?!

luckily i fell asleep before i could find out. however the next day, i woke up to the last half of an ep of Little House on the Prairie, which, i had never seen in my life. i know, how is that possible, right? i don’t know. i mean, i have seen the opening credits many times. they go like this:
*cut to: mom and dad on a wagon*
“WEEEEEE! the LITTLE HOUSE!! ON! the PRAIRIE!! starring…
MICHAEL LANDON AND HIS HAIR!, …the Mom character too!
*cut to: kids running down a hill with a mysterious white dog*
aaaand…Half-Pint!
….the older sister! aaand…wait for it….*plop* the retarded one!
*end*

so i’ve seen the credits. but i’ve never seen the show.

well, last night changed all that. because i could not for the life of me fall asleep. and i managed to watch three (3!) eps. so i think that the ones i saw were pretty early in the series because the older sister (mary?) had not yet gone blind, and i know that that’s supposedly when the show jumped shark. (oh man, did you see that Family Guy where they’re watching LHotP? so mean! ha!).

the name of the show is kind of misleading. i mean, it’s called “little house” when in fact, it should be called The Littlest House on the Prairie. they live in a thimble! i mean, i thought my house was kinda small, right? well, i live in a Giant Sky Mansion compared to that heap of logs. and where’s the parent’s bedroom? how do they have sex when the daughters sleep above them in a loft?

i suppose they don’t have sex. it wouldn’t be proper. i bet the kids sprung forth from Michael Landon’s hair. he’s like the Zeus of the Prairie.

anyway after 3 episodes all i have to say is,
holy shit! i LOVE that show! it’s AWESOME. that show should come on EVERY DAY and EVERY DAY my friends should come over and we should TOTALLY play a Little House on the Prairie Drinking Game! because hello? i am now addicted to booze and Little House on the Prairie.

sadly i cannot find a LHotP drinking game. the hell? oh what? is it so sacred that we may not taint the wholesome pioneer ways with sinful moonshine? well, it is a really sweet show. i think that if we, as a nation, watched more Little House and less everything else…the world…she would be a better place. and maybe kids would stop playing so many video games and would instead, wake up early and go and pick mushrooms by the creek…before school.

yeah, that’s the ticket.

the first thing i noticed while watching the show was that Michael Landon was JACKED UP. have you seen his chest?! wow! brick wall! the only thing bigger than his chest was his hair, my god, the hair. the hair was so big and luxurious, and it made me feel bad because the mom’s hair had to be in a bun and inside a dorky bonnet most of the time.

here’s a question i have, now remember i’ve only seen three okay? but, is EVERY episode about bullies? i SWEAR.

so here’s my Little House on the Prairie Drinking Game:

– Nellie!
– a sweaty Michael Landon in a dirt stained shirt. one if he’s wearing that damn floppy hat…two if he isn’t…reeeow.
– Little Laura Ingalls punches/pushes someone down
– Mary stops Laura from fighting
– bullies!
– Mrs. Oleson hears a rumuor!
– church!
– Michael Landon does something noble.
– take two shots if they even SHOW the littlest daughter. i don’t even know her name. i only saw her once outta three eps and that’s when Michael Landon came home for dinner… he picked up the little girl said, “how’s my little girl?” and put her back down. that’s it.
– hey! it’s that guy from Highway to Heaven!
– if you can name something else the “guest star” has been in.

i’m sure there’s other things to add, but like i say, i haven’t seen that many, i’m thinking you probably don’t have to really. it would take no time at all to get drunk watching this show.

oh, and here, i watched a half hour of Highway to Heaven, here’s that drinking game:

– drink the whole bottle when the grizzled guy with the beard cries.

number of times i say Michael Landon in this weekly (counting the next one)? 12.

next epitomb: 13 Michael Landons! a baker’s dozen!

jaimie “half-pint” pickle

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