3.06.07

Category: dribblings

book title of the day: Hell Hath No Curry

i spent my morning at the Social Security Office of Hell and Damnation today. honestly, you get married and the government has a small cow when your name changes and you don’t tell them. talk about drama queens.

and if you think that jury duty is a veritable cornicopia of strangers… well, it is. but the social security office is like Tod Browning’s Freaks meets The Gong Show only with crazy checks instead of prizes. in my simple mind i thought i’d be waiting all day in a room with old people and mexicans. (nay nay, you racist bitch, nay nay.) instead there were 2 oldsters, no mexicans, about 3 normals, and the rest was a freakshow of fun.

i thought the joint opened at 8am. so i got there at 8am. it actually opens at 8:30, but when i got there at 8 there was already 6 other people in line at the door. everyone was kinda cool and normal at first. but then…then the squidbilly showed up. he talked about the thousands of dollars he’s lost gambling over the years. which is unfortunate, but also, if he’d just spent a couple of hundred on maybe…the dentist…he’d at least have a little something to show for, of course in the south hindsight is pretty much… unobserved. he ended every sentence with, “SON of a GUN LORD jesus mother of GOD.”
it was amazing.

then there was the guy who had a knife in his pocket. which, i don’t know if you’ve been in a federal building lately but rule number one of federal building club is:
never talk about federal building club.

rule number 4b is: no weapons, bitches. including but not limited to: guns, bombs, mace, and grandpa’s rusty pocket knife.

luckily there was no metal detector and the security guy frisked no one. the security guy, may i add, who had the same build as Sydney Greenstreet and was probably just as spry, was actually good at giving out the numbers and keeping everything rolling. as soon as a number was called he was all, “Number 4? Who’s number 4? C’mon number 4, we’re busy! Let’s see some hussle!” because it makes sense to rush the old people and cripples.

i’m not really complaining about anything though, i’m just telling you what i saw this morning. i had printed out the form i needed from the internet so i was in and out lickety-split. i recommend printing and filling out all the forms you need if you’re visiting the SS department. i also recommend taking a tape recorder for the waiting room. it’s a treasure trove of random quotations.

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