The One About My Vacation

Category: weekleez

The One About My Vacation
September 2, 2003

hi kids,

so i finally got a bit of a vacation last weekend. it was really great to see my friends in louisiana. they are great people, some of my favorites.

we arrived in LA on saturday and we ate grilled shrimp and drank some beers. gosh, does it get any more perfect?
oh yeah.

so on sunday morning we all went to a lutheran church in mississippi, it was the Lutheran Church of the Pines, which is a depressing name, huh? the pines…that always equals death. but anyway my favorite pastor gave the sermon and my mom did the children’s sermon and it was almost like old times…except that this church was smaller and smelled kinda funny and there was a midget (i know!) and there was an odd picture on the altar with that pyramid and eye thing that’s on the back of a dollar and really, what business does that have in a church? for some reason that eye/pyramid thing always makes me feel uneasy.

anyway, as i was walking into the church the youth group was standing around and they saw me and was all, “your hair is AWESOME!” aw, those mississippi kids are great, huh? i told them all thank you. and then as we sat down mom and best heard some more kids saying that my hair was AWESOME and so they teased me a bit about it, but hey, i can’t help it if those kids have great taste. it was a small church in a small southern town but all those kids were dressed rather stylish…um, maybe that’s the wrong word. i dunno, they were wearing jeans and tiny t-shirts with glittery cartoons on them…so i think that’s pretty cool to wear to church. and if they think my hair is AWESOME i’m not one to argue.

after the service as i was going around the sanctuary looking at the copper plate art on the walls another girl came by and told me my hair was AWESOME and she loved it. i thanked her too. nice kids. it was weird ‘cos i thought, “i’d like to be in charge of their youth group.” but that was a random thought ‘cos i have a youth group at home i could be in charge of and i’ve never thought about that at all. i’m fairly certain i should not be in charge of impressionable teens as i drink and curse like a trucker. of course this has nothing to do with my vacation.

after church we immediately hit a casino.
what.
no, go on, what?
you’re just jealous.

anyway i lost $10 to a slot machine and called it quits ‘cos frankly, i work too hard for the sweet, sweet money to be feedin’ machines with spinny things. but i did use the “arm” to make the pictures spin and not the “lazy button” that spins the fruit for you. i figure if i’m gonna lose my money to a machine then i’m gonna pull the arm of the “one armed bandit”, you know? well, maybe you don’t know. maybe you’ve never gone to a casino after church before. maybe you should.
glory!

meanwhile, not 12 feet away from me, one of my favorite people, Pastor Faith, was playing video poker and he hit jackpot and won $1198.00! well, praise the lord! the best part is if you win more than $1200.00 they make you take taxes out of it. so they came along (after a pretty long wait, but who cares? money!) and paid him in hundred dollar bills!

we quickly left, knowing that when you jackpot within 15 minutes of walking into a casino you should leave immediately. so we went and ate some delicious food in bay-st. louis, mississippi (which is a quaint little town that i wouldn’t mind living in) and then we went back to louisiana to cook out more food on the grill.

so let’s see, we had church, communion, casino, food…what else could we possibly need?

booze!

in louisiana (and just about everywhere else) you can buy booze on sunday. so for me to go buy beer on a sunday was kinda cool, ‘cos here in alabama they don’t cotton to sellin’ the devil’s drink on the lord’s day.

<tangent> which is just the dumbest thing in the world, honestly. i mean, which commandment are we breaking here? i swear to god (ok, that’s the 3rd commandment being broken) the state of alabama is so backwards that it DOES NOT WANT TO MAKE ANY MONEY. seriously. they tax all the booze and sell it in state operated stores (as far as i know there are only two privatized stores that sell liquor and one is in boaz and the other is on the etowah county line before you cross over to cherokee county, which for all it’s god fearin’ glory, is a dry county) but they don’t sell it on sunday because?

also the state stores are only open from noon to 8pm. see?! i swear they don’t want to make money!

1. they’re closed on part of the weekend.

2. their hours of operation are screwy.

i mean, think it: you just get out of the movies and it’s 9:45pm. you and your buddies don’t want to stop having fun so you decide to go back to your house and see what the night brings in a completely legal and responsible way. tequila is mentioned. vodka is mentioned. but wait! you guys drank all the liquor last week and forgot to restock your cabinet because the only time you could’ve picked up more booze throughout your busy week was on the way to work which for most people is before noon. and since you had to rush home after work to get the kids back and forth from soccer practice and make the family a nice dinner, you were unable to make that late night run to the liquor store because it’s after 8pm! just like after your movie show you can’t go buy the blessed tequila and vodka! where’s your legal and responsible fun party now?!

see?! that’s $30 – $40 the state didn’t make and that’s only one group of friends…think of all the other people who can’t always work their schedules to the retarded state store hours. see how stupid you are, governor riley? you want to raise my taxes when i’d gladly buy your booze at a 24/7 liquor store that your state refuses to provide for general lushingtons like me. are you listening to me, you money-grabbing hog head? do i have to think of every thing? well, sometime i’ll explain the lottery to you.

all i know is, the state of tennessee does NOT collect income tax and their schools make ours look like little house on the prairie. what? little house on the prairie? jaimie, what are you talking about?
i don’t know, i got so mad that i couldn’t even think metaphorically. wait…that was a similie. see what you do to me, stupid alabama?!

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