The One About Getting My Ears Pierced

Category: weekleez

The One About You Won’t Believe This
July 22, 2003

hi kids,

well. have I got some NEWS for YOU.

some of you just won’t believe this. you just won’t. if you know me at all then you just won’t believe this. unless of course you live near me and have seen me in which case you WILL believe it, BUT if you don’t live near me (kellyf and retse) then you WILL NOT believe THIS.

i, jaimie pickle, being of sound mind (mostly) and body (was i drinking today?) finally… wait. lemme start over.

i, jaimie lynn pickle, (see i needed to get the ol’ middle name in there to make it seem more serious) being of sound..(hey, don’t tell anyone my middle name, ok? i know it’s not a bad one but still, no one likes their middle name if they never use it, and the only time mine was ever used was when i was in trouble. well, except for now when mom calls me jaimielynn like it’s all one word. i wonder why she started doing that? i think she’s been calling me that for the last two years and y’know, i’ve never asked her why. huh. i am lazy, aren’t i?) anyway, me, jaimie lynn pickle, wait now i’m confused i need a ‘do over’.

i, jaimie pickle, (i took out the middle name because i didn’t really want that to be the focus for this week’s topic and i was afraid everyone would keep staring at it like i do when i see my full name typed out…jaimie lynn pickle…see? isn’t that weird?) finally DID IT!
wait, no you perv. hold on lemme try one more time.

i,jaimiepickle,beingofsoundmindandbody (debatable, i know) on the twentieth day of july in the year of our lord two-thousand and three drove herself to the local mall and got. her. ears. pierced.

I KNOW!

thank you, thank you, thank you. yes, i was brave wittle fleegan. and i didn’t cry AT ALL.
haha ok maybe a little. no i didn’t! i was awesome!

ok so maybe some of you are wondering what the big dealie-o is, right? well, i’ve never had my ears pierced before, evah. evah nevah. so see? i was a big girl and it only took me two days of mental preparation to get it done and…what? my age?
um, 25?

no listen, this is really a big deal! huge. it’s a huge deal. yes, it is. shut up, it really is.

kellyf, retse, tell them! this is a big deal, no? laura you tell them! tell them dammit! tell them how huge this is!!

so you’re probably wondering how this life changing event came about, huh? oh. you weren’t? who’s weekly is this again? that’s what i thought.

we (our group of friends) have all been talking about different piercings lately and cookie and i want to get our eyebrows pierced. no not yet, just READ.

so i see cookie magoo the other day and she’s all, “i got my ears pierced again and it was only 20 bucks and they have some really cool starter earrings to choose from you should go get your ears pierced.”

and i was all, “ooooh. i dunno about that cookie. i’ve never uhhhh y’know i don’t have any umm ears, uh.hhhhhhhuhbehh garble garble garble.”

and she says, “you should do it though, for real.”

and then i think i passed out.

so the next day i was all, “i’m gonna get my ears pierced today so there.”

and laura was all, “really? where? when? today? really? you?”

and i said, “yep. i’m gonna do it today. maybe. i think. yes.”

and she said, “who is going with you?”

oh crap. i gotta take someone with me? if someone goes with me then i’ll HAVE to get them pierced for sure. i’m not gonna wuss out with someone standing there with me. oh hell. oh shit. no way. i’m not doing this. i don’t even want my ears pierced. i want another beer.

“eh. i think i’ll just go by myself sometime this afternoon. y’know, sometime when everyone else is busy or something.”

laura gives me the “oh ok i gotcha” look.

“no really. i’m gonna get my ears pierced. i swear.”

and she says, “ok. it wouldn’t surprize me a bit if you get your ears pierced. really.”

“yeah.” it would surprize me.

so i go to the mall which is the only place that i know of where they pierce the ears. of course, it’s a saturday evening which was not something that i had fully thought about yet.

i go to the cheap jewelry store that we’ll call flaire’s. and there’s 15 kids and 10 parents in there. holy moly. i can’t get my ears pierced with all these people around! shit! what are they doing here? how dare they! this is not going to happen. no way. no.

so i wwent to the book store and bought a book and then went back to flaire’s and there were 5 more people cramed in there and i started sweating and my vision blurred and my head started hurting something awful so i slowly backed out and left the mall. i was so mad. i felt like a weenie. but no kidding i couldn’t do it. so then i’m all, “i’ll just go home and do it myself how hard could it be? yeah, that’s it. i’ll get online and look up a DIY ear piercing page and just get it over with.

no. i didn’t.
the only thing stopping me was that i didn’t have any earrings to put in the homemade hole. i thought about safety pins but then i’d really look like billy idol what with my short white-blonde hair, and that’s not really what i’m going for, y’know?

yeah so the next day happens. and i call jimmy and i say hey, let’s go see kris get ordained (word up! congrats yo!) and then you can come with me and i’ll get my ears pierced and then we can go swimming. and he says, “really? you are getting your ears pierced? you?!”

and i say, “yeah.” and he says, “ok.”

so we go and kris got ordained. yay! and then i went and got my ears pierced with metal. yay!

so we walk into flaire’s and seeing as how it’s a sunday afternoon the place was empty. ah, sweet relief wait..no! damn, now i really am gonna get my ears pierced.

there’s this tiny girl working the joint. gosh how old is she anyway? is she allowed to do piercings? is there a test that the piercer must pass to get like, a piercing license? oh this is a fine time to wonder about this stuff now, jaimie, you’re a real piece of work you know that? shut up! just sit down and let the little girl pierce your ears you big baby.

so i say, “hey do you pierce ears?” and she says, “yes!” and i say, “may i get my ears pierced?” like i’m asking her permission y’know? geez i’m an idiot when i get nervous. and she’s all, “sure!”

you’ve been there. you know how perky she is.

and so i ramble, “look i’ve never had my ears pierced before ok? so um, y’know, ok? is that ok? let’s do this!”

and she’s all, “yay! look at these earrings and pick which ones you want in your ears for the next 6 weeks.”

six weeks?! geez! oh my goodness geez. no. six weeks? for real? oh for crying out…

“huh. ok. um sure. how about these? can i pick those? i mean…um, are these ok? for starters? ok?” quit saying ok, jaimie. settle down. relax. where’s jimmy?

“jimmy?! jimmy? hey. what do you think about this one?” i say as i point to a ball of white gold.

“yeah, that’s nice.”

“ok. i’ll have those then. yes. ok. those. in my ears.”

meanwhile another couple have entered the store and they are looking at the fancy body piercing rings. so you know, they are “old hat” to all of this right? i mean, here i am getting a microscopic piercing and there’s this other chick trying to figure out if she wants the 14 gauge bellybutton ring or not.

yeah. i’m awesome.

so now i’m in the chair and oh wait i forgot to mention the forms i had to fill out. “i need your driver’s license number here and initial these 5 sections and sign here, here, and here. i guess they have to protect themselves, and i can’t sue if my ear turns purplegreen and falls off. also i think they’re getting one of my kidneys.

ok i’m in the chair and she starts talking and i say ok alot. then she starts to do the ear on the right side first and so i’m getting ready and i’m squeezing jimmy’s hand in anticipation of the pain and right is wrong and left is right, right?

“WAIT!” i yell. she stops the near piercing, “yes?”

“well, ok huh. maybe could we…ok you know could we maybe do the left ear first in case you know, in case i freak out and don’t want to do the other one ‘cos i mean, i don’t want to put off the wrong vibe y’know? what i mean? ok?”

“hahaha! yes i know what you mean! ha! we can do the left one first.”

“ok thanks great.” and as she’s about to do the left one i say, “ok so you’ll give me a three count right? or something? are there any kids in here there’s no telling what’s gonna come out of my mouth…”

“haha. there’s no kids in here. and i’ll let you know when i’m about to do it.”

“ok.” at this point the other couple are watching me and i say to them, “it’s my first time. i’m crazy nervous.” they smile politely.

“ok ready?”

“yeah i’m ready.” and i squeeze jimmy’s hand and blink and it’s over and it was just not the biggest deal at all.
“that’s it? that’s what i was worrying about?”

“uh huh.”

“god, i’m an idiot. ok do the other one i can totally do this.”

the couple laughed.

“ok ready?”

“yeah…WAIT! jimmy get back here.” and for some reason even though i knew it wasn’t going to hurt i panicked and had to hold jimmy’s hand again. i.am.a.dweeb.

“ok ready?”

“yep.”

click. over. the couple was smiling at me like proud parents.

jimmy was smiling. the 12 year old kid who just pierced my ears was smiling. i was smiling. the guy in the sunglasses booth was smiling. the toy store was smiling. all the books in the book store smiled as i walked by. the race car that was parked in the walkway, because for some reason there’s always a damn car parked inside the mall, was of course, like everything else, smiling. at me. they love me. the mall embraced me like a mother embraces her…

oh whatever.
so now i have metal dots in my ears. i don’t feel any different except for the dull ache in my left ear. my right ear feels fine. but hey, now you guys can go out and buy me earrings. cute ones. dangly ones. pretty ones. hoopy ones. tribal-looking ones. modcore ones. hardcore ones. kickass ones.

wait. no. on second thought don’t buy me any earrings yet. i’m not sure i’ll make it through the 6 week do-not-remove-trial-of-woe period. i can totally see me clawing these things out. but hey, you guys! me! with totally pierced ears over here!

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