WWTHD?

Category: weekleez

The One About WWTHD?
April 8, 2003

hi kids,

so.

i quit my job.

a week and a half left, and i’m free.
also, penniless.

i’ve never quit a job before. actually that’s a total lie. in high school i worked at Flendy’s for a week.

the thing is, i’ve quit my job but i haven’t figured out what i’m going to do next. that isn’t like me. i have plans! i set goals! i know what i’m going to order before i pull up to the drive-thru! i’m an adult female who knows what she wants when she wants it and by god if i don’t have it when i want it then there’s a problem, and like the amazing, strong-willed woman that i am, i fix the problem and then get to the part where i get what i want! feh! i make things happen! i get things done! i make the sweet money that buys the shoes for the babies!

but not any more.
because i quit my job and have no contingency plan. what?! no plan?! with no plan there’s no attack! no attack, no victory! can anything good come of this?
i have no idea.
but i’m not ashamed to admit i’m scared out of my mind.

i feel like i’m on a boat and the boat is crumbling apart while speeding down some white-capping rapids and the rapids fork off left and right. to the left, of course is the obligatory waterfall. waterfalls are always on the left. to the right (your other left) are sharp, pointy rocks and on the banks of the right fork are hungry cannibalistic natives with bones in their noses and teeth that have been filed down to points…the points reminding you of the sharp, pointy rocks sticking out of the water. and all the while you are thinking to yourself that you don’t have time to romanticize about how the pointy rocks and the pointy teeth kind of play off each other, that you really need to be focusing on not dying at the moment.

it’s at these types of crossroads that you scream to yourself, “how did i get here?!” and “no back-up plan?! you. are. an. idiot!” and quite often, “you crazy kids get off the lawn!”

so here i am.
soon to be jobless.
wondering if i’ll be able to find a new job.
thinking that maybe i should go back to school.
pondering if i should just take some time off to actually paint.
worrying that i’ll never get another job.
crying that i’ll be a waste of oxygen.
blubbering that i can’t handle the not knowing.
bawling that i’ll never be successful at anything.
cursing my indecisive, whining, fearful self.

but most of all, i can’t help but wonder… have other people been in this situation? have there been others before me? others…who like myself have quit a job and have had no plan? other unprepared, unresuméd, unemployed people…out there…wandering the land and possibly sea?

i wonder if there have been others…lost at sea…the sea of life, love, gainful employment and adventure…out there just floating and wondering if they too, have made the dumbest choice of their god-fearing life.

i wonder if i could find those people and talk to them. find out how they feel. how they get through the day. how they… no!

i don’t want to talk to them! nay! i don’t need to talk to another person like me! i know how they feel! i feel like them! i feel like total shit! i don’t need a boat load of slobbering unemployed, unplanning people like me…feeding me their fears and insecurities! i can do that myself! what i need is someone else. someone stronger. someone with a plan. someone who, in the face of danger, danger such as cannibalistic natives or crumbling rafts or even a danger such as unemployment…

hey! i think i know such a person, such a man shall we say, and i think that deep down you know just who i’m talking about. so now, when i’m down and out, when i’m worried about how i have no money, when i cry out, “lord, save me from the cannibals!” all i have to do is think of 5 letters and breathe a deep sigh of relief. WWTHD?

What Would Thor Heyerdahl Do?

my god, what a blessing!

think of all the practical applications!

what would thor heyerdahl do?
why, jaimie (he’d say) quit feelin’ sorry for yourself! i too had a pointless college degree, geograhpy… i know. i mean, at least your painting degree sounds cool. you just can’t impress the ladies with ‘that’s the canary islands and over there is tanzania and australia is right here’ see? boring. but that didn’t stop me! nay! and it shouldn’t stop you either! ya just gotta make life your own adventure, little jaimie. you’ve just gotta grab life by the balsa wood and fashion a traditional native raft and just… float. also, it helps if you write a successful book about your voyage.

thanks mr. heyerdahl!

well now i have a new outlook and a new philosophy, WWTHD? life is gonna be my adventure. so the next time i get to feeling down, which will probably be next month when it’s time to pay bills, i’m gonna grab up all the gusto i can, and also all the long, flat reeds, and build me a raft and float off to Rapa Nui.

or maybe i’ll just get out my watercolors and actually paint something. no, no wait. i think i’ll go with the floating on a rickety raft in sub-tropical shark infested waters. yeah.
er, been there, doing that.

links!
no one sent any.
so here’s some links about thor heyerdahl

next week’s epitomb: an adventure of some sort

jaimie “WWTHD?” pickle

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