The One About Some Essential Motown

Category: weekleez

The One About Essential Motown
February 11, 2003

hey kids! it’s weekly time once again! so gather ’round here and listen to auntie jaimie weave a tall tale about how paul bunyan beat the crap out of john henry using a pair of nunchucks he made out of johnny appleseed’s dry, dry bones.
talk about family fun!

so i used to read a guitar magazine before the internet was invented. now of course i don’t have to read it anymore ‘cos anything you want to know about guitar stuff is on the internet. in this magazine every month they would interview some guitar player and basically ask him (yes, him. there’s no chicks in guitar magazines. ever.) to name his favorite/most inspirational/can’t live without songs that he would put on a CD or whatever.

i’ve seen that particular interview in other magazines too. it’s basically asking someone famous what kind of music they listen too, right? it’s like, “hey, you’re in a band…what kind of music do you listen to? is it the same kind of music you play? well, what is it then? tell us! inquiring nosy-assed minds want to know! give us something! please?!” and quite often i’ve seen where the question is something to the effect of, “ok, so you’re stranded on a deserted island…what songs…if you could have a CD with anything on it…would you take with you?”

i hate that question. i hate all questions that start out with, “say you’re stranded on a deserted island…” ‘cos it doesn’t matter what comes after that, you’re going to be limited and i just can’t stand the thought of:

A. being stranded on an island
2. having to think of what i would want to live with or without for the rest of my life
D. worrying about fresh water for drinking
%. how am i gonna catch/dress/cook wild food?
5. i need toilet paper. lots of toilet paper.

i just want to shake the interviewer and say,”what are you talking about man!? i’m stranded on an island and you think i’m gonna be worrying about not having any good tunes to listen to?! i can’t eat or drink music, can i? i can’t shave my legs with music, can i? i can’t fashion a crude spear for hunting wild boar with music, can i? so listen, chucklehead, why don’t you just ask the question that you really mean so’s that i don’t have to have an anxiety attack thinking about how i’m gonna die on a deserted island and how later, explorers will find my bones clutching a CD and have them wonder, of all things she takes with her to a deserted island she brings a CD? what a dumbass. she didn’t even have any batteries. stupid american.“

conversely, if i was stuck on an island i would want it to be Ray Harryhausen’s Mysterious Island. at least that way i know my time on the island would be very short and my last thoughts would possibly be, “my god, that’s a big chicken.” BAWK!

so let’s just say someone did ask me what songs i’d take with me on an island of strandation i would have to say, after beating their head in with a large stone, that i could never just pick one CD of mixed tunes to take. i would explain to them what an unfair question that is and that i’ll see them in hell.

so the only way that i could sleep at night is if the question is changed and i get to pick a CD’s worth of songs from each genre of music and take those with me along with lots of batteries and an indestructible waterproof CD player. oh, and lots of oatmeal. and deodorant and hair gel.
so what are the basic genres of music, you ask? here they are in no particular order other than i saved motown for last.

10. classic rock
9. hard rock metal (this should actually just be metallica but i need a place to put ozzy and this should cover it)
8. showtunes
7. hendrix
6. sha, like there would be a number six? you think i’d forget?
5.old school country
4.chick tunes
3.blues
2. aaron copland, yes he’s a genre.
1. the all important, most blessed, love it love it love it motown

right, so the question burning on everyone’s mind at this point is, “jaime! what would be on your essential motown CD?! tell us tell us! we’re sick and we like to know things like this! feed our disease! do it! do it!” heh, or something. it acually doesn’t matter if you’re wondering that at all, ‘cos that’s what the weekly is about, jaimie’s favorite motown songs. all that crap about being asked about the island thing was just intro-filler chunder so’s that i could make it seem very important to pick out my favorite songs. suckers!

the great thing about being stuck on a deserted island with a CD filled with motown songs is that most motown songs are only 2 and a half minutes long. you can fit 30 songs on a CD! motown is so practical! also, before i divulge my list of motown songs i must admit that i’m not counting motown as just those signed to the motown label, but any black singers especially those with a horn section. that may be a skewed view of what motown is, but hey that’s me! i like to take something holy and sacred, like motown or nancy drew, and fit it into what i think it should be. works for me!

K-Tel Presents: Jaimie’s Essential Motown

the first 5 minutes of the CD would of course be filled with the almighty Diana “diva hair” Ross and the Supremes. the tough part is picking just two of their many perfect songs. you can pick whatever two you like.
1. Love is Like an Itchin’ in my Heart
2. Love Light Starts Shining in His Eyes

next 5: ya gotta have Smokey Robinson. you. just. have. to.
3. Tears of a Clown
4. Mickey’s Monkey – this is my favorite song. i don’t know why.

the next five minutes would be the Four Tops
5. Standing in the Shadows of Love
7. Bernadette – that song is just so urgent! i don’t know what it is about but the guy singing it is just so into it. i love that.

Temptations
8. Papa was a Rollin’ Stone – c’mon, anything with wkkachkka wkkachkka guitar is gold!
9. Ain’t too Proud to Beg – i just like the way the guy sings the first line of that song. “i know you wanna leave me!”

Hugh Masekela
10. Grazin’ in the Grass – this song might not be strict motown, but it’s a black dude with a trumpet. this song is perfect and i’ll tell you why, two words: cow bell.

11. Gladys Knight and the Pips – Midnight Train to Georgia – ok wait, this is my favorite song ever. Mickey’s Monkey comes in second.

Bill Withers
12. Use Me or you can substitute Lean on Me. wait. no you can’t, that’s too cliche’ it’s gotta be Use Me.

that’s the first 35 minutes! look at all that great stuff! but the next 25 mintues is the best part. it’s the soul train funky stuff. because let’s face it, you’re stuck on a deserted island. what else is there but dancing?

12. James Brown – Sex Machine
13. Freda Payne– Band of Gold – how much fun is this song?!
14. Isley Brothers – It’s Your Thing

Ike and Tina
15. Proud Mary
16. Take You Higher – i like the “boom aka lakas”

17. Tower of Power – What is Hip?

ah, sweet motown.
but wait! what if i’ve got an 80 minute CD? well, heck there’s 20 more minutes! so cram these on there somewhere!

18. Otis Redding – Sittin’ on the Dock…
19. Aretha Franklin – I Say a Little Prayer
20. Clarence Carter – Patches – a sad song true, but for some reason i’ve always liked it.
21. Marvin Gaye – Sexual Healing
22. anything by the Commodores or Ohio Players.

*sigh* who am i kidding? there’s too many great songs to just make one Motown CD.
and truth be told, i’d rather be stranded on a desert island than have to come up with a CD full of great songs. huh.

next week’s epitomb: my parents and The Sopranos: suddenly their vocabulary changed. and when did mom get a jersey accent?

jaimie “no kidding. Mickey’s Monkey. best song ever.” pickle

Tags: , ,

No Comments

Comments are closed.