The One About Boobs

Category: weekleez

The one about Boobs
August 27, 2002

hi kiddos,

spy club!
lorna b. recently (i.e. two months ago) gave me a talking sumo wrestler. when you slap him, he yells, “i will crush you!” it’s very cool and very worthy of a spy club name! lorna’s spy name is Ms. Rasputin.she’s the booze tester. tatdow!

thanks to all who sent notes to me saying “get well soon” and “stop sending me mail, jerk!” “and who are you? quit stalking me!” you guys are the best!

this weekly is rated R for “Really jaimie, you’re Reaching and it Reeks.” triple R!

about four weeks ago i received an anonymous letter via courier (i.e. liz) and was not entirely sure how to respond to the message and also was not sure how to read the message seeing as how i’ve never learned to read or write. so i had laura read the message to me and then dictated the following weekly.
haha!

so anyway, this unsigned letter told of a reader’s distaste in my choosing to use the word boobs instead of breast when i was talking about how i went to the doctor because my ears were stopped up and instead of the doctor looking in my ears right away, proceeded to smash my boobs as she asked me questions like, “have you had a sore throat?”
welcome to my life.

and then i suppose that the next week i also used the term boobs instead of breast in a different weekly although still referring to the same doctor visit with the stuffed ears and freshly grabbed boobs.
just another day in jaimieville.

it was after this second weekly that i received the anon. letter that started out,
” ‘boobs’ …. 2 weeks in a row with no apology – I think not!”

the letter was very funny and very cool and also dared to ask the question: “how did it become anatomical in usage?” and as sure as my name is laura bentley (i.e. it’s not. it’s jaimie.), i have no idea. i was unsure how to respond to the letter seeing as how i had no idea who to send a response to or really how to formulate a response seeing as how i have no writing skillz or paper. so instead of a direct response i just continued a ‘reign of terror’ if you will, to use the word boob in the weekly for a couple more weeks until last week when i could not find a good place to use boobs without being lame and just throwing boob in there just to be using boob in a weekly. not that that’s ever stopped me before.

personally, i do not find the word boob to be offensive or improper in an informal setting such as a group of friends talking, a lame web site, or any sort of nearly reasearched, hardly well-written article about the “history” of the word boob. however, i would in fact find any word other than breasts to be offensive in some situations like a job interview, doctor’s office, or high school sex ed. class. i do have standards y’know.

also i think it is important to note that boob is usually less offensive than many other terms used to describe breasts. a small list of these terms can be found right here:

hooters
ta tas
melons
fun bags
ganzagas
jugs
tits
marachas
jumblies
knockers

so i do pride myself on not using those words in a weekly when refering to breasts (i.e. boobs). however, the mysterious writer did have a very good question when asking how the term boob started referring to female anatomy rather than the previous meaning of ‘numbskull’ or ‘dunderhead’ or ‘customer’. ha ha i threw that last one in there for a laugh.

now, i would absolutely love to research this topic because i think it’s important that we find the answer to such questions. however, i’m not about to search for boob on the internet as i am quite terrified of what would come back. and it’s not like i can go to the library and ask the ‘brarian, “hey, is there a book called like, The History of Boobs or something?” because i would get kicked out and probably beat up. so i’m really at a loss on how to research this.

so if i had done any interesting research i would have put it in this paragraph here. but as you can see, there was no research done in the name of boob. although i do think that it’s origins are in france. really.
for real.

the mystery writer also brought up a very good point that if the word boob went from meaning an incompetent bird brain to female breast, then surely it will change again and what on earth could it possibly mean in the future? well, the thing is i just don’t know. i mean, who could? but still it’s an interesting question and one that i tried to come up with a funny answer to and couldn’t because if i did make a guess at what it could mean, and it came true, then people would be calling me up all the time wanting me to tell them their fortunes and stuff and i mean really, i gave that up a long time ago.

but the most interesting part of the anonymous letter was the writer’s telling of the first “dirty joke” that was told to said writer:
Q: what is worse than a paper boob?
A: a cardboard box!

AHAHAHAHAAHAhaha what?
i totally don’t get that joke at all. i mean, is it really a dirty joke? i have no idea. i even called my dad and told him the joke and he didn’t get it either.

i suppose that dirty joke actually sums up everything about the word boob. it’s either offensive and “dirty”, or it doesn’t make any sense at all. is that joke really dirty? i’m at a loss here folks…

so anyway i had this customer come in this week and he left his number for me to call when the signs were ready. so i call this number and this old lady answers the phone and so i talk to her and in mid-conversation she went from talking like an old lady to talking like a young puerto rican lady.

look, i’m serious.
freaked me out.

’cause i mean, if you’re talking to someone on the phone and it’s an old lady, you know it’s an old lady. she sounds old.
*old lady voice* “he-el-lo? what’s that ya say? oh. i see-ee signs dearie?”
“yes ma’am i was calling to let mr. smith know that his signs were ready.”
*starts out old* “oh! his signs, eh? well, alright then. *voice change* i guess den i tell him dat hees signs are ready den ogay? i have heem pick up hees signs when he gets back ogay?”
“huuuh uh. yeah, ogay den, i mean okay thank you.”

what just happened?!

 

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