The One About Light Up Toe Gems II
February 12, 2002

hi kids,  

so you guys remember the one about the Light-up Toe Gems  

anyway, i wrote a letter to their customer service dept. and so this week i’ll show you my letter and hopefully i’ll get a lame letter back from them sometime soon. and if my evil plan hatches just right, i can use their letter for next week’s weekly fodder.  i love a good plan.   

and oh yeah, because nobody asked, i got a 92 on my test.  booyah! that’s right, i own medieval to renaissance papacy and the holy roman empire is my biznitch. tatdow! i have not received my other test yet.  you know, the one on france.  i’m betting i did not get a 92 on that one.  

anyway, here’s my letter to Cosmic Giggles:  

Hi! My name is Jaimie Perkins, but you can call me Pickle, all my friends do! Well, first of all I want to tell you that I just LOVE my new Light-Up Toe Gems!  They are so KEWL! (that means “cool”). All my friends have them and we wear them to the mall and to all of the sports games!  I LOVE them!  

The reason I am writing this letter is because i go to Grover Cleveland Jr. High and my mean Social Studies teacher, Mr. Style, wanted us to write a consumer letter to a company that we had recently bought a product from.  So I chose your company! My assignment is to ask you some questions about your products (which i LOVE) and to see how fast you respond and if you can answer any or all of my questions.  

My first question is: Does Britney Spears use your products? She is totally da bomb! If she doesn’t wear your light-up jewelry already, she really should.  Maybe you could tell her and she’d wear one of the necklaces in her new video!  that would be totally kewl!  

My second question is about safety.  I’ve noticed that the Toe Gems are very small and could probably choke a small child. Have you thought about this? And what about getting them wet?  Is that dangerous?  I mean, if I’m at a football game and it starts to rain (let’s hope not!) can the electric motor in the jewelry shock me?  

Also, I have noticed that sometimes the jewelry does not flash everytime i move.  This is the only irritating feature of your awesome light-up jewelry, so can you tell me what is the exact force of impact or change in accelaration vector required to activate the flash mechanism for each motion sensing product in the Cosmic Giggles fashion accessories line?  Please provide specific numbers in kilograms of force (kg*m/sec^2) and/or standard metric accelaration units (m/sec^2 or cm/sec^2).  Is this value adjustable by the user, in the form of set-screws or similar apparati, or is it factory set?  

Thank you so much for your time,  
Jaimie “Pickle” Perkins

ps: Your website is so kewl!  I LOVE all of the rad colors! My boyfriend said it was stupid because it takes so long to download every page because of all the flash whatever. I told him to shut up because he is so stupid sometimes.  But I thought you should know that your Cosmic Cool Quiz was broken.  I couldn’t see my Cosmic Cool IQ.  

wasn’t that fun kids? thanks be to Cowboy Zydeco for the nerdy bit at the end.  sometimes it’s handy to know an engineer!   well, you guys have a happy VD. i think i’ll give up the weekly for lent.  
next week’s epitomb: jaimie remodels her room with a belt-sander… with hilarious results!
jaimie “perkins” pickle


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