The One About Henny Youngman and France
February 5, 2002

um, hi kids,  

ok see it’s like this. there is no weekly today. and if i had thought about it sooner i would have had a “substitute weekly” for ya a la westbrook finlayson jr. because, you know, he did such a great job last time.  but no.  i didn’t think ahead and now we all must suffer. mwah-hahahahahah!  

now the reason you’re not getting a weekly today is not because i didn’t have one, well, okay, it’s mainly because i didn’t have one, but it’s also because i um, went back to school.  what i mean by that is, “OH MY GOD! WHAT WAS I THINKING? I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL? DERP!” apparently hell froze over.   

anyway, school is not the issue here… the two tests i have on thursday are.  and that is why there is no weekly this week. the dork must study. although i did try to snag someone else to write one. 
but she, even though she’s a great writer, even though more people read her work than mine, even though she’s so clever and makes me laugh, she wouldn’t do it.  she was sore afraid.  afraid of you guys!  i told her you didn’t bite and that sometimes you even send nice things but no, she hates you all and said that she didn’t have time to waste on the likes of you.  

and so you’re not getting a weekly today. and i know the foremost question on your mind at the moment is, “but jaimie, couldn’t you at least tell us what classes you are taking…and maybe make that funny somehow?”  well, seeing as how one of the classes is the history of france, well, as you can imagine… there’s nothing funny about that, except maybe their navy, er and canada. 
but that’s so easy, i mean, france is like the Henny Youngman of europe, sure he’s funny the first time but come on, someone take his wife already!  sheesh.  

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
so i thought about maybe boring you with the details of the Edict of Nantes.
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
but heck, it was ineffectual when it was written, and it was even more ineffectual after Louis XIV revoked it 100 years later.
I said, “How about the kitchen?”  

Louis XIII married Anne of Austria.
My wife will buy anything marked down.
she was from Spain.
Last year she bought an escalator.  

Spain and England explored the world.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.
France explored Canada.
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food…

Later, England takes Canada.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

i suppose i could take cheap shots at france all night.
I came home, the car was in the dining room.

but i have to go study now.
“How did you get the car in here?”
which by the way, is why you’re not getting a weekly this week.
“Easy, I took a left at the kitchen.”

on a random note, my father says that when he retires he’s gonna go back to school and major in alchemy.  that’s my dad, always thinkin’.  
so since there’s no weekly this week here are some things to keep you guys busy surfing so’s maybe you won’t notice that there’s no weekly. the infamous lori t. sent this one: it’s about color and your personality and it will tell you your fortune too! or something.  it was quite mystical. evil.  but it made me laugh.  

well, that’s the not a weekly for this week.
next week’s epitomb: alchemy 101, Room 327, Dr. Flamel  
jaimie “mad anne bonney” pickle


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