The One About “Progress thru Education”

Category: weekleez

The One About “Progress thru Education”
January 30, 2002

hi kids!  

i got a lot of comments about the ladybugs from last week.  who knew that so many people were into ladybugs? mary baldwin (that’s Dr. Baldwin to you) even went so far as to give me sumpin’.  you weekly readers are too good to me. mary gave me this really cute ladybug pen/pencil holder. it’s cuter than all get out, and i’ll probably have to take a picture of it to show you guys.  mary’s spy club nickname is Rosie Chickaboom, she trains the elephants and directs the spy club choir. point of interest: mary once raised an albino wallaby named Ruby.  

y’know, it’s people like mary that make me nervous. don’t get me wrong, she’s as sweet as can be, but y’see, she’s a doctor of english. i mean, she must get a headache after reading one of these. and you know what? there are like, 10 other english majors/teachers on this list.  how do you guys stand it? i can just imagine you guys reading this thing and mumbling to yourselves, “capitalization, misuse of comma, run-on sentence, comma, comma, capital, non-sentence, non-sentence, non-sentence…”

you know, i really would like to write a proper weekly at least once. if any of you english geeks out there would like to print out one of these grammar nightmares and “red ink” it, that would be cool. i am a wee bit interested to see how i’ve butchered this grammar thing. you can fax it to 256-494-0038.  what fun! on wik da weekly.  

ok so i make signs right? it’s alottafun.  it’s the coolest job in the world. now, i’m not sure what a contractor does, it’s got something to do with um, buildings i think.  but every two months i usually have to do a sign for a contractor.  so i assume (oh no) that a contractor has to put up a sign in front of whatever they are building at the time, right? does that make sense?  oh sure, i could just ask one of them next time they come in, but that’s just so easy.  

ok let me explain this better. these signs are for projects that are being built at schools.  and so the state of alabama issues what goes on the sign and it’s mandatory and it comes with a sheet of specifications and even goes so far as to have the measurement and spacing of all the text and phrasing of the sign.  so really, all these signs look alike, they just have different contractor names on them.  and basically these signs are “no-brainers”.  i don’t have to think about them at all ’cause someone at the state has already thought it out for me.  easy money.  

but in the words of Columbo, “there’s just this one last thing i don’t understand.”  

in the middle of these huge signs (that must be placed at sites involving an educational institution) there is a slogan.  the slogan must be so big and in red letters.  the slogan is “Progress thru Education”, i kid you not.  

look, it’s one thing to be informal, it’s another thing to be stupid.  taking notes in class and shortening words is informal, heck, it’s a good idea.  misspelling a word (on purpose) on signs that go in front of schools is stupid. the Weekly, on the other hand, is both informal and stupid, but not as stupid as “Progress thru Education”.  

i have no idea who came up with that slogan or when it first came out, but i know it’s over 3 years old, so it couldn’t have just been a mistake, surely they would have fixed it by now. derp? and i’m assuming (not again) that other states have other slogans for their school funding/building programs.  i mean, this couldn’t be a nationwide thing.  there’s too many smart people out there, right?  

now, we all know that for the state to come up with a slogan for something there would have had to have been a vote, right? geezy peezy, if “Progress thru Education” was the best slogan of the lot, what do you suppose the other nine (9) were like? oh boy! a leest!  

The Ten (9) Even More Stupid Slogans Than “Progress thru Education”  

10. “Good School Buildings Make Good Kids”  

9. “Schools Need Bigger Gyms Because Sports is Most Important”  

8. “Your Tax Dollars Just Bought This Rich School Another Science Lab”  

7. “Skool is 4 Kidz”  

6. “their iz no numbur sicks”  

5. “New Bleachers For The Football Stadium, Go Tigers!* “     
* mascot optional  

4. “We *heart* Schools!”  

3. “Progress and Smartness Go Hand in Hand… Just Like Two Hands”  

2. “If They Ain’t No School Buildings, We Can’t Learn Them Nothing”  

1. “Progress Through Education”  

eh, what does alabama know about progress anyway?  

jaimie “humor thru education” pickle  

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