The One About Ladybugs

Category: weekleez

The One About Ladybugs
January 22, 2002

oh dear, it’s tuesday.  

ok, so i was chillin’ with my ‘rents at a Christmas party a couple of weeks ago (was i actually chillin’ with the fam? um, yeah, i think i was!) and someone was saying that their house was infested with ladybugs.  it’s a common problem in the cold, freezing months of an alabama winter.  but really, it could be a lot worse. i mean, i realize that bugs in the house is a nuisance, but at least it’s not spiders or roaches or people, right?  and really, what is an infestation when it comes to sweet, precious ladybugs?  

i suppose finding 3 or 4 ladybugs in say, the bathroom, might be somewhat of an oddity.  and by that i mean you would probably remember it, but really it’s no big deal other than “watercooler fodder” as in, “dude, last night i was brushing my teeth and there were like, 2 ladybugs on the mirror, 1 in the sink and 1 on my toothbrush. weird, huh?”  

and i guess finding 30 or 40 ladybugs in the bathroom would be a bit disturbing, but is it an infestation? i mean, 2 minutes with a vacuum and you’ll be able to declare, “this house is clea-ah.”  and since you probably should’ve sweeped anyway, i wouldn’t consider it too much of a problem.  

now 400 ladybugs in the bathroom is what i’d call a nightmare. it’s the nightmare i had last night.   

right, so anyway, ladybug infestation, it could be gross, but only if you don’t own a sweeper.  

and then someone told me that ladybugs bite. 
whaa? 
and then they insisted i do a weekly on it.
whaa?  

and it sort of reminded me of the one about platypi and so i thought that if it’s true that ladybugs bite then i should probably let the rest of you know about it.  so i went to google.com to search for ladybugs.  i found many pages, but um, not many for actual ladybugs.  

here’s an excerpt from one of the pages:
We are sisters-in-law in the small Northeast Texas town of Clarksville.  Being married for over thirty years to brothers, we’ve always enjoyed crafting individually and are finally able to work together.  We’ve worked on many different items over the years.   
um, just go with it.  
here’s another:
On July 23, 1999, with the launch of the Space Shuttle Columbia, the LEO project got off the ground. On board this spacecraft was a student-designed experiment called STARS, investigating the effects of microgravity on ladybugs and aphids. No one knew for certain what was going to happen on this “maiden” voyage. But students in five American middle and high schools, as well as the Chilean girls who designed the experiment, were along—in a virtual sense—for the ride, collecting data and comparing it to a similar experiment being conducted in their classrooms.  
man, i gotta apply for a grant.  

this one:
Hello there, I’m glad you found my little corner dedicated to ladybugs. If you are wondering why I built a site just to talk about the tinny bugs well, Ladybugs are like really cool. If we didn’t have lady beetles, many mean and harmful insects would cause a lot of damage to our gardens. Luckily for us, our beloved defenders are always ready to take on the bad guys……go get them ladies!!  
no really. i’m not making that up.  

and this:
Ladybugs (1992)
Starring: Rodney Dangerfield, Jackee
Director: Sidney J. Furie
Synopsis: A guy willing to do anything to get ahead agrees to coach a women’s soccer team and brings in his own ringer, a man in drag.
Runtime: 91 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Genres: Comedy, Family, Kids  

ha ha.   anyway, after drudging through the sites that were NOT about ladybugs i actually found some real info about REAL ladybugs.
like this:
Ladybugs, or lady beetles, are a very beneficial group of insects; a single lady beetle may consume as many as 5,000 aphids in its lifetime. Lady beetle adults have a very characteristic convex, hemispherical to oval body shape. The head is covered by a hood called the pronotum. Many species of lady beetles are present in Kentucky.  
take that, kentucky!

They may be white, yellow, pink, orange, red or black, and usually have spots. Like many of the brightly-colored insects, ladybugs are distasteful to predators. When disturbed, they may secrete an odorous fluid out of their joints to warn enemies of their distastefulness.
gag, but do they bite?  

Adult females lay their eggs in the vicinity of aphid colonies. The alligator-like larvae are also predaceous. They are spiny and black with bright spots.
aha! alligator! predaeceous!  so they bite right?  

Although they look dangerous, lady beetle larvae are quite harmless to humans.
so they don’t bite? or they do bite, but there is no venom? or… bite?  

Depending on the species, lady beetles go through at least one generation per year, with adults overwintering by hibernating in aggregations under leaf litter and other debris. Rarely, aggregations may find their way into homes in the winter. Pest-proofing a home by applying caulk and weatherstripping should prevent this from occurring. yeah, we got that.  what about the biting?   There is a similar, common species of beetle that is a pest, called the Mexican bean beetle. It is very easy to distinguish. Adults have a yellowish-orange body with eight black spots on each wing cover. The larvae are also very distinctive, and shouldn’t be mistaken for predaceous larvae, because they have large forked spines across their backside. The Mexican bean beetle is a defoliator of soybeans and green beans.
aha! oh wait. beans.  

there was another website that said all of the same stuff but it finally mentioned biting, or not biting actually:
Asian ladybugs, like boxelder bugs, pine seed bugs and elm leaf beetles, are accidental invaders; that is, “outdoor” insects that create a nuisance by wandering indoors during a limited portion of their life cycle.   Accidental invaders do not feed or reproduce indoors.  They cannot attack the house structure, furniture, or fabric.  They cannot sting or carry diseases.   Ladybugs do not feed on people, although they will occasionally pinch exposed skin. Ladybug may leave a slimy smear and they have a distinct odor when crushed.  

and then the site tried to get me to buy a $14.99 can of bug killah called Demon XP.  geez peezy, we’re talkin’ about ladybugs here, and they suggest something called Demon XP?  i mean, these are itty-bitty, harmless insects, not minions of the Dark One.  Demon XP? for ladybugs? that’s like calling the orkin man to come squash the roach on your kitchen floor.  i think you can handle that one on your own.  

so anyway mary, the ladybugs don’t bite, but they do pinch.   

most importantly, “Ladybugs do not feed on people”.  was that ever a concern?  i mean, i can understand the need to maybe explain that ladybugs occasionally pinch, but feed on people?  thanks for the visual, buddy. now i know what i’ll dream about tonight.  

next week’s epitomb: yo ho ho and a bottle of rum…and another bottle of rum.  

jaimie “inner-city hokum” pickle  

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