The one about Hardy Boys and math

Category: weekleez

The one about Hardy Boys and math
Tuesday, May 15, 2001

hello sweeties,  

so have you ever been sitting down and then all of a sudden you had to stand up?  and i don’t mean in any sort of compulsive behavior kind of way.  what i mean is, you’re sitting there and then an action takes place (to you or around you) thus causing you to stand? 

okay, i’ll level with you, i’m not talking about sitting at all.   
i’m talking about walking. 

have you ever been walking and then something happened and you had to run?  and then there you are…running.   

no. that’s not it either.  

ok, you know how if you get a promotion at work you then get more money but you also have to take on more responsibilities?  and it’s great that you have a couple of more bucks each week but now you also have to work a little harder and put in more time.  and so now you’re just there…. and you’re working….and…  
well, that almost worked.  

ok, you know how when something “bad” happens there’s always one optimist in the crowd that says, “it comes in three’s y’know.”  and i mean, thanks jack.  so you were focusing on how to get from point A to point B and now this jerk is reminding you that something else is bound to happen and well, yikes.  only the thing is, the shemp maybe right in that instance.  and even if he’s not, at least he took your mind off the original problem, if only for a moment.  but really, that’s not the point here.  

YES, i have a point.  

so lately, it seems like we’re all facing a problem or two.  and as soon as we fix or tend to the problem there’s a great new one staring us in the face.  and maybe the problems aren’t even that difficult to handle. perhaps they’re just annoying, at first.  and then after a while you get other problems.  big ones, small ones, health ones, mental ones, relationship ones, stress ones, job ones, stupid people ones, spiritual ones, happy ones, grumpy ones, bashful ones, dopey ones…. (right, you got it.  i know.)  

and so you’re dealing with real life here and hey, you’re dealing with real life! way to go! but right before you can pat yourself on the back,well, you’ve got a problem.   
well, not just one problem.  now you have two at the same time. but hey, you could handle one at a time.  i’m sure you can deal with two.   now the only “problem” is that they come in three’s!  *SCREAM*  
sha right.  you only wish they’d come in three’s.  but this is REAL life and now things are coming at you in MULTIPLES of three, and now those three things you were dealing with have become nine!  and now you have square roots and imaginary numbers!  but wait!  you have the quadratic formula in your back pocket!  things are gonna be ok!  aren’t they?  well yeah, as long as you’re just having to solve for “x”.  nerd.  

it seems that lately there are more problems.  and i really hate to use the word ‘problem’ over and over again as it sounds so negative and redundant.  so i’ll do a bit of rehashing here.  what’s our favorite word that we use in place of words that sound too serious?   
WICKETS! 
hooray!  the wickets are back. only this time WICKETS = problem or any other word that you want to use.  

so now we’re dealing with multiple wickets.  and these wickets aren’t even things that you know anything about, which brings about more wickets.  and it seems like we’ve become the hardy boys when it comes to wickets.  

did you ever notice that the hardy boys NEVER went in search of a mystery?  the mysteries always just sort of found them?  i realize that not all of you read the hardy boys when you were growing up.  but i’m sure you know what i’m talking about.  maybe you read nancy drew (lame) or trixie belden (who?).  it doesn’t matter. 

the hardy boys would be out hiking, exploring, or traveling around and then they’d stumble (literally) across a “clue”.  and this would ultimately lead to them solving a mystery or finding the missing priceless *insert noun here*.  

so here we are, “hardy boys”.  and we’re trying to solve a wicket or three (to the 3rd power).
and well.
pop quiz hotshot:  

you =  – your paycheck +/- the square root of “where is *insert spiritual figure* when i need him/her?”(squared) minus four times your education multiplied with your job and divide all that by two times all the relationships you have at the moment.  

now solve for you.  

doncha hate it when you’re the variable?  

so anyway, i have no advice or anything (not that i’d be stupid enough to give out advice).  i just wanted to see if i could write one about the hardy boys and math.  i really wanted to write one about the steps in a four stroke engine and apply them to the creative process. 
but really, who cares?  

next week’s episode: fun with cornstarch  

until then, try not to think too much.  

jaimie “i’m sure i’ll catch hell for the nancy drew remark” pickle

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