The one about In Search Of…
Wednesday, April 25, 2001

Hi kids,

i’ll not rehash the beef jerky this week (yes i will). i did have some Jimmy Dean Beef Jerky and it was pretty good. Although i cannot find an 8ft beef stick in this town. The Big W let me down. So if any of you know where i can get my hands on a beef stick of obnoxious size then please let me know. (stop snickering).

It doesn’t have to be 8ft long, but at least 3ft, y’know? (you have a filthy mind). It’s not that i’m all concerned about size or anything (shut it). i would just like a meat stick of substantial size for the experiment. (quit laughing, you perve.) The one with the charts and graphs! (you make me sad). Really.

So what IS the Weekly about this week? Well, i thought about starting a serial. And maybe once a month the Weekly would be a chapter of the story. And i got really excited about that idea, but i’m not quite sure what my story would be about (like it would have a plot or something? sha, right). And i also was unsure if you guys would be even want to read something like that (oh, you’ll read it). i’ll give me another week to ponder the thought.

So then i thought i could complain about something: customers, the violence inherent in the system, Plantagenet England, Auld Lang Syne etc. But really, no one likes a complainer. Maybe i could do a discussion of some sort? And maybe i’d have a really interesting topic like cheesecake, Egyptology, vinyl, or real Amish butter. But i’d actully have to know something about an interesting topic and really, who wants to read about my thoughts on the Catholic feudal system of the early Norman kings?

So for this week you’ll just have to settle for this observation.

After work i sometimes turn on the television and watch the History Channel (or the Hitler Channel, whichever you prefer. Have you noticed it’s always something about WWII?) And they show reruns of a 1970s show called “In Search of…” and it’s hosted by Leonard Nimoy (the pointy-eared guy from Star Trek). And this show is supposed to be about weird phenomena and unexplained things and it really wanted to be a very mysterious show. Well, i watch the show at least once a week but for some reason i see the same episode over and over.
It’s always “In Search of… The Shroud of Turin”

In the past year i’ve seen only three different episodes, there was one about the Great Pyramids and UFO-Aliens, there was one about Stonehenge and Alien-UFOs, and there was one about Big Foot, UFOs, Nessie, and Reincarnated Aliens. But usually i only ever see the one about the Shroud of Turin. And it’s not even a very good episode either.
I mean, sure Mr. Nimoy tries to make it sound weird and mysterious, but really, who cares?

*Insert Mr. Spock voiceover and bad ’70s recording here*
“Could this shroud be the burial covering of Jesus Christ? Or is it a hoax going back deep into the Middle Ages? Was the shroud given to the Israelites by aliens?”
*insert mystical sounds and beeps*
“We had our team of UFO photographers take a look at pictures of the shroud. Their findings are inconclusive.”
*insert sitar music*
“But the pollen samples taken from the shroud are from plants only found in the Middle East.”
*insert more strange sounds*
“The shroud itself was tested and found to be from 11th century UFOs.”

oh shut it already.

i was at the library yesterday and i walked down the aisle with all the strange phenomena books and there sat “In Search of…” the book. And i was so tempted to get it because it was very ’70s and very un-scary looking. It had a cartoon spaceship on the cover.

next week: in search of a weekly.

sorry kids, it was an off week, what can i say?

but laura “danger slippers” bentley’s graphic for this one is hilarious.

jaimie “i’m late for practice” pickle

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