the one about space age plastic

Category: weekleez

the one about space age plastic
tuesday, march 13, 2001

 

happy tuesday everyone!
i thought about using real capitalization this week and even proper sentence structure, spelling, and punctuation. but i figured you guys wouldn’t think i wrote it and so. well. here’s the weekly:

i saw a commercial on television last night and it was (of course) a really “who cares?” kind of commercial.
1. it was about motor oil (who cares?)
2. it had a car driving through tons of really hot looking flames (that doesn’t apply to anyone EVER, so who cares?)
3. it’s selling point was that NASA developed this motor oil (again, who cares?)

it was the NASA thing that got me. i mean, come on. like the brainiacs at NASA have nothing better to do than develop a great new motor oil for YOUR CAR. please. NASA developed that oil AT LEAST 10 years ago and you wanna know what else? they probably have an even better oil that THEY are using right now because we all know that the astronauts get all the good stuff first. it’s part of the perks of being an astronaut.
but really, who cares?

your car won’t go faster because you’re using oil that NASA once used. it’s not like a solid-rocket booster for your car.

and so that got me thinking about all the other sludge out there that they try to pawn off on we the consumers (because if there’s one thing we are it’s consumers. and big babies.)

like when they mention that a product is made of “space age plastic”. um, yeah. that technology is like, over forty (40) years old. but it sounds good doesn’t it?

SPACE AGE PLASTIC.
(can you hear the echo?)

the space age started in 1957 (october 4th for all you geeks out there) when sputnik was launched. so pretty much from there on up is the SPACE AGE. so right now i’ve got on my SPACE AGE flannel shirt. i’m typing on this SPACE AGE keyboard. and you’re proably able to read this because of your SPACE AGE education. soda is encased in huge three (3) liter bottles made of SPACE AGE plastic while the pop itself is not space age at all (it being developed way before 1957). and ok, so flannel isn’t either, but it seemed really funny to have space age flannel.

so plastic is great, i’m not denying that. i’m just saying they should leave off that whole “space age” thing because really, who cares? “yes sir, i understand that the van doors are made of a sturdy high gloss acrylicfiberglasspolyamide. but is it space age plastic? i simply must have space age.”

like they’re going to make things out of old, brittle plastic using the recipe for bakelite or something. and this would be the part of the weekly where i go into the history of plastic but it seems that many people have invented plastic over the years and not only that but it’s still being invented today so… do your own research. ok fine! here’s an easy to follow timeline page all about plastic. http://www.joesherlock.com/fifties4.html

and does anyone remember that pen they (they, as in, THEM. the ones who sell stuff to US) tried to sell? it was made of SPACE AGE materials. it could write UPSIDE DOWN and on grease! It was the pen that the astronauts used! i can appreciate that, i mean, the astronauts need pens like that because they’re constantly “upside down” while they’re in space (look, i’m not going into the physics of it. it’s just not funny). but why do i need a pen like that?

BASED ON AN UNTRUE SPACE AGE STORY:
“i remember this one time i was dangling from some scaffolding (upside down, of course) and my pen refused to write! and to top it all off, who put that gob of vaseline there?! gee, if only NASA would release the patent on such a pen!
yikes.

and i guess i could make fun of the astronaut food, but i hear that it isn’t so bad. it’s not soul food or anything….

one final thought before i sign off. advertisers should really stay away from the whole SPACE AGE deal. i mean, the first time they bragged on their product being so great because of astronauts was for TANG. and well, we all know how popular THAT drink is now don’t we? even if you drank TANG as a kid, do you still drink it? do your kids drink it? methinks the novelty of SPACE AGE has worn off.

ok one more really hilarious thing. i was doing research for this weekly (yes, i’m a dork. i know.) and i found this site http://www.spaceageplastics.org.au/ and i thought it was going to be helpful and give me some background info on SPAGE AGE plastic because, well, it has ‘space age plastic’ in the address…what else could it possibly be a web page for? and well, it’s not about plastic. at all. in fact, i think it might be a cult of some sort.

but i get there right? and i’m thinking, “this looks kinda cheesy to be a historical or industrial site about plastics of any sort.” and then these pictures load (don’t worry, no porn) and man, i KNOW it’s not about plastic. so i read. and i laughed so hard that tears were everywhere and i had to use some space age kleenex. and to tell you the truth, i read the whole thing (it was hard to read through all the tears) because i wasn’t sure if the site was “real” or not. i thought it might be a paraody or satire or something.

and it’s so bad that i think it probably is real. i encourage you to read that webpage and then when you finish your hysterics (the graphics alone will bowl you over), say a prayer for those people and the people who are building houses out of hemp and humanity’s waste. no really.

apparently my “over soul” directed me to that webpage. here’s an excerpt:
“This is the Spiritual Freeway of the intergalactic, interplanetary, interdimensional wondrous Universe. You have answered the call, your inner ear is opening; be friend, welcome.”

my inner ear is opening?! Gaaaaah!

and this one had no context AT ALL:
“The most important room in my Daughters interdimensional Space ship is the Meditation Chamber where power currents of Thought are activated. Think about all of this! ”

maybe next week i’ll totally make fun of that webpage. IT IS SO BAD!

next week’s episode: “The Space Arc landed in the South Pacific upon a remote Island, under cover of the Volcano.”
all your base are belong to us? hmmm?

jaimie “think about all of this!” pickle

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