the one about the five (5) stages of grief

Category: weekleez

the one about the five (5) stages of grief
tuesday, january 23, 2001

yep, it’s tuesday.

so you’ve probably heard of the five (5) stages of grief, right? i think it’s something like,

1. shock
2. denial
3. anger
4. depression
5. acceptance

ok, i didn’t make those up and i don’t necessarily endorse that process in any way. i mean, acceptance? that’s the last step? gimmie a break. i accept a lot of things…. but only because i have to.

i ACCEPT that FICA gets a ton of my money. but i don’t LIKE it. and i would hope that at the end of any sort of psy-process (i have no idea if that’s a real term, but it sounds like i know what i’m talking about doesn’t it? riiiiight) that the processor (the one grieving) would have a better outcome than just acceptance. but what do i know? i’m just a lowly sign maker. (a la west “bye” finlayson).

but i’m not here to talk about any sort of REAL psychological stages, processes, matrices, or the like. nay, where’s the fun in that? instead i think these stages could be used in other instances and never for grief.

five stages of looking on the ‘net for real information.
ok, you’re a student. you’ve got to write that paper. it’s due tomorrow. your topic is the yearly average rainfall in the amazon basin over the last twenty (20) years and it’s steady drop and its effect on the surrounding wildlife. so of course you check the internet. and yahoo only found one page for you and the summary for that page is perfect. you need that page. you click that magic link.

ERROR 404 FILE NOT FOUND.

1. shock. “WHAT?!”
2. denial. “stupid link. i’ll type the address myself.”
3. anger. “WHERE is that #^%&@!! page?! WHY have a link if it DOESN’T exist?! ARG!”
4. depression. “oh my god, it’s due tomorrow….”
5. acceptance. “mom! i’ll be at the library.”

five stages of checking your email from your ISP server.

let’s assume (uh oh) that you’ve logged on. you’ve been surfing and now you want to check your email. you get an error message.

1. shock. “where’s my email? error? huh?”
2. denial. “i know i typed my password. its gotta be their problem.”
3. anger. “stupid jerks! that IS my user name! that IS my password! i’m LOGGED ON for crying out loud! where is my email?!”
4. depression. “gosh, i wonder if anyone sent me anything good today. aw man, its tuesday…. i missed the weekly…”
5. acceptance. “guess i’ll try again tomorrow.” meanwhile you go and pay your bills and one of them is probably to your lame ISP.

five stages of your car not starting.

1. shock. “whoa, my car won’t start.”
2. denial. “maybe if i turn the key harder…” “i’ll try giving it more gas…” “maybe i gave it too much gas…i’ll wait for a few minutes and try again….”
3. anger. there’s probably a lot of swear words in this step.
4. more anger. there’s more swear words in this step followed by a brief depression when you find out how much it’s gonna cost to get that damn car fixed, and then more anger.
5. acceptance. you give the mechanic your paycheck.

five stages of discovering they no longer make/sell your favorite flavor of ice cream, candy, rice, etc.

1. shock. “hey! where’s my rice?”
2. denial. you check behind the other boxes of rice because you know it’s there. it’s always been there.
3. anger. “ican’tbelieveit! what do you MEAN they don’t make that flavor anymore?! that makes no sense! i bought it every week!”
4. more denial. “maybe they’ll have it next week…they’re probably just out of it this week.”
5. depression. “…and it was such a great flavor too.”
6. acceptance. “well, maybe there’s a different brand….of course, it won’t taste as good…” and you buy it anyway.

and finally,

five stages of waking up and finding your head has been sewn to the carpet.

1. shock. “OH MY GOD MY HEAD IS SEWN TO THE CARPET!”
2. denial. “no wait. this has got to be a dream.” whew.
3. anger. “dammit vinnie, i can’t believe you sewed my HEAD to the CARPET!
4. depression. “why do these things always happen to me?”
5. acceptance. “well, i guess i won’t be going to work today.”

and there you have it. the five stages of (insert emotional situation here).

now for all of you locals, i have some info for you.

on friday february 16, even so will be performing a FREE concert at vineyard gadsden. that’s at 421 Broad St. Gadsden, AL.
the concert is FREE by the way. bring the kids. bring the goats. bring a ‘nanner sammich. just come out and hear us play.

its FREE. for more info on even so, laura “cheesy valentine” bentley made a webpage.

for info on vineyard gadsden

and guess what? my computer savvy dude, jimmy “two-eyes” jones, gave me some space at his server/computer/whatever and now you can go and read all the old weeklies because LB made me archive them. wasn’t that nice of him?

all you have to do is type pickle.fleegan.com

how easy is that?

until next week….

jaimie “well, it looks like my head’s been sewn to the carpet, again” pickle

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