the one about the golden rule

Category: weekleez

the one about the golden rule
wednesday, january 16, 2001

hi you crazy kooky e-mongers,

i realize that this is “late” in that i “always” send this email out on “tuesdays” and that today is “wednesday”, but i figure that “you” will be able to get over the tardiness “of” this letter and forgive me at the same time. that being said…

hi kids!

so i’ve mentioned the gloriousness of thursdays to you guys before right? thursdays are the days that the wonderful Buy/Sell Bulletin comes out. and the BSB is the local ad magazine. and some of the ads are written by complete morons. some. not all.

one ad that i recently read (which was not written by a moron) was in the antique section and it read,
“8 QT. fruit and lard press for sale.”

now maybe its just the martha in me* but i think i would rather have my fruit pressed in a separate contraption than that of my lard. ya dig?

last week’s BSB had an opinion in it that i just HAD to pass along. and i promise you i’m not making this up.

“THE GOLDEN RULE Do unto others has you would have them do unto you. If you don’t they may return it to you 10 fold. Life is to short to play games. That is called a cult. Cults are against the law. People have rights by the law, to Life Liberty and the persuit of happiness. No one owns anyone. No one is an object or a stick of furniture. If you treat people like objects or inhumane, they will turn on you.”

y’know, i had no idea that the golden rule was that long. or that it was incredibly strange and slightly ignorant. it truly pains me to think that the “golden rule” that i learned was in fact, a lie. and not only that, but that it was also a complete thought with sentence structure and proper punctuation. gads, what rule DID i learn?! i must’ve learned the beta version or something.

and just to prove to you lovely loons out there that i’m not making this up, i have scanned and posted that lovely ad to the web. this way you can go an read it for yourself. i would’ve sent it to you as an attatchment but this this way it won’t take me all day to send this and you can go and read the ad at your leisure.

golden rule

sorry it’s such a rotten scan but it’s not like i got the best stuff to work with here.

there were also two (2) personals ads that stuck out and i do feel the need to share them with you

. first there was this one,
“GEORGIA BOY You know I like you but I don’t love you. Now back off. Love Susan G.”

whaaaa? apparently susie is really trying to mess with that guy, “…i don’t love you….love susan.”
sigh, morons.

and here’s the last ad. its a long one, a little sad, and a whole lot funny. (well, i thought it was funny, its a sick world you guys.)

“GREEN EYES: I’m exactly what you’re searching for! I adore children and they love me. I’m honest and true to one woman, and make it known to all that she’s ‘my everything’. I’m honest and true to one woman, and make it known to all that she’s ‘my everything’. I’m ornery at times, but mostly loving, caring warm and tender, compassionate, understanding, romantically inclined, and will never give you a reason in the world to look elsewhere. I’m completely unconditional! Two questions. Can you deal with me being incarcerated for the next 6 months at a nearby co. jail? And, you being only 24, me early 30s, are you ready for a man like me? Sunset Superman.”

now read it again.
GREEN EYES: I’m exactly what you’re searching for! (sounds too eager doesn’t he?) I adore children and they love me. (yeah, well kids like clowns too buddy. three words: john. wayne. gacy.) I’m honest and true to one woman, and make it known to all that she’s ‘my everything’. (DANGER he’s possessive! DANGER) I’m ornery at times, (he gets .06 points for trying to be honest, but he loses .04 of those points for using the word ornery) but mostly loving, caring, warm and tender, compassionate, understanding, romantically inclined, and will never give you a reason in the world to look elsewhere. (well, except for maybe that whole “incarcerated” thing. but who knows, maybe green eyes has no standards) I’m completely unconditional! (again with the eager thing) Two questions. (DANGER DANGER) Can you deal with me being incarcerated for the next 6 months at a nearby co. jail? And, you being only 24, me early 30s, are you ready for a man like me? (runaway! runaway!)

“are you ready for a man like me?” moron.

well, i suppose that’s the email this week. sorry that i didn’t have a list or a cool story to pass along and that i instead shared with you some of the local drivel. but hey, they can’t all be about the olympics now can they?

and i’d just like to publically announce that my leetle brahther, justin “earth-bound misfit” pickle, has a real job now. he’s a “teacher” canyoubelieveit? and he could be at this very moment infecting the minds of young children. way to go little hoostin! and now since he is a “teacher” and all, we have to show a leetle respect around here and call him mr. pickle. *snicker*

yeah right.

next week’s episode: my dad checks for a gas leak with a bic lighter.

jaimie “look man, its either a fruit press OR a lard press. gag.” pickle

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