the one about happy holidays

Category: weekleez

the one about happy holidays
tuesday, december 19, 2000

and a happy merry holiday fun time to you and yours.

ok, for those of you who are receiving an email from me for the first time i’ll explain everything at the end of this email. as for those of you who receive this email every week quit laughing. i really will explain things to the new ones.
i refuse to call them “newbies”. that makes the new ones sound infantile and mostly incompetent. and i’m pretty sure the new ones can handle one simple email.

and a happy merry holiday fun time to you and yours.

one day last week laura “dangerous slippers” bentley and her father jim were discussing christmas cards or something festive like that. and mr bentley suggested that laura and i take pictures of our cars in the parking lot and send that out as a christmas card. sort of like, “merry christmas from laura and jaimie”. (laura and i are roommates, you see.)

now laura, being the clever one, decided that we should take a picture of our christmas tree and send it out to all of you guys. and then i, being the evil, maniacal one, decided that i would write one of those “holiday newsletters” that we are all so “fond” of.
i especially like the ones that are written in third person. gimmie a break. i mean, how cute can you get? i mean, not even martha writes in third person.

so anyway, here’s our holiday letter to all of you. (it would probably help if you read this in your fake sappy happy cheery voice.)

greetings!

laura and jaimie hope that this letter finds you and your family well this holiday season! laura and jaimie certainly have been busy this year. laura has been working for the local newspaper for the last 9 months as the graphic designer. she was very pleased to be able to find a job so quickly after graduating and she was doubly pleased that she was able to get a job as a graphic designer. and it stands to reason that she was triply pleased to find a job that was so close to home. we are all so very proud of her.

jaimie recently graduated college and has been working at a sign shop. she gets to design and make signs and she really loves her job. in fact, sometimes she wonders why she wasted all that time in college when she could’ve been making signs!

they currently share an apartment and they really enjoy the freedom of having their own place. everyone knew that laura was able to make the move but no one was really sure if jaimie would leave the nest of her parent’s house. it seemed that she would never leave that place, and true, laura had to drag her kicking and screaming, but after a few weeks jaimie acclimated and is now living a mostlykindasorta independent life, but not really. we are all so very proud of her.

laura has picked up a few hobbies this year. she enjoys writing fiction stories depicting characters that have already been depicted as well as writing bad poetry. she’s learned how to stay up late and surf the internet. and she also learned a very important lesson involving heroin, water fowl, a football helmet, and mathematics. she plays the flute.

jaimie picked up a few bad hobbits this year as well. she enjoys sleeping and reading. and she now annoys people once a week with an email that she sends out once a week. its called the ‘weekly email’. i think she calls it this because she sends it out once a week. she has spent the majority of this year in an isolation chamber and has become very paranoid. if you see her do not approach her. she is considered to have arms and is mostly harmless.

they are both in therapy.

well, that’s all for now but laura and jaimie wanted to send each of you a picture of their post-college apartment christmas tree. we hope you enjoy the picture as much as we enjoy the rap music that our neighbors play every morning. every morning.

happy holidays!

laura and jaimie

 

do you know how weird it is to type in third person? i feel like a psycho.

well, merry christmas movie house!

jaimie “zuzu’s submachine gun!” pickle

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