September 2007 50 Books

Category: 50 Books

43. An Ice Cold Grave by Charlaine Harris

Uh. Mah. Gah.

Yes, this is book three of the Grave Series. And like I mentioned back in January (after reading books 1 and 2) about the step bro and sis having the godless sex?
Well, I was right.

Don’t read this shit. Gross Out City. Because not only do they have the sexing, but it is described in more detail than I’d ever care to hear about. She describes his penis. It has a curve to it. It was not important that I know that. That fact was not helpful to the book in any way. And now? NOW?

I can’t help but think of the Great Gonzo.

So not only am I grossed out by Greg and Marsha Brady getting it on with his scoliosis wang, but I can’t even look at Gonzo anymore.

42. Deenie by Judy Blume

41. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. by Judy Blume

So this is the one about starting your period. When I read this as a kid I could not relate AT ALL to Margaret because:

A. My friends and I never talked about starting our periods and

B. I didn’t want my period and was dreading the day I’d start because it seemed so gross, and I was not such a fan of pain back then and the cramps…they scared me.

So when I read about a girl who was praying to God to please not let her be the last person in her class to get her period I was not impressed. There’s that, and the fact that the book was quite old and when she described the pads it was the old fashioned kind with the belt, and that only confused me. Child of the ’80s here, sorry.

But this time when I read it I was shocked that the book was not really about a girl getting her period…that part of the book was only 20% of the plot. Nay, the book is mainly about Margaret (who’s moved to a new area) trying to fit in and grow up in a new school. But the thing that shocked me most was that I totally forgot that Margaret was trying to figure out if she was Jewish or Christian, and that she prays to God all the time.

(When I was a kid I had no idea that Jews and Christians were different, I thought that Jews were people from Israel. Right, so, shut up I was in 5th grade, okay?)

Anyway the book was great and I wish I had read it again in 7th grade cos maybe then I would have enjoyed it a lot more.

40. Everything I Needed to Know About Being a Girl I Learned From Judy Blume by A Bunch of Women Authors

This book was awesome as it’s a bunch of women authors (most of which i’ve read a book or two of theirs) and they all wrote essays about how much reading Judy Blume books affected their life. or effected. nope, it’s affected. If you’re a chick who’s ever read Judy Blume or really, if you’re just a chick, you should give this book a shot. It’s cool.

Also, it’s inspired me to go back and read some of the JB books that I read as a kid. Why? Because most of these women went back and read their favorite JB book and were amazed at how different the book is to their older self. That, and they’re easy reads, AND hey, pad the numbers!

39. Finn by John Clinch
What a great idea for a book! It’s about Huck Finn’s dad, Pap. Remember him from Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn? Remember how he was a bad guy who kidnaps Huck from the Widow Douglas because Huck and his buds found all that Indian gold in that cave that time? So pap kidnaps him to get the money? And he was going to kill him? Remember that?

Well, in this book? That was like, the least of this guy’s crimes. The whole time I was reading this I was all, “Oh man, this guy is the devil. I wonder what he’ll do next….OH DAMN! He’s evil! HE couldn’t possibly do anything else- YOU ARE KIDDING ME! How come no one has killed this guy yet?! …OH NO WAY!” I couldn’t stop reading this even though I wanted to because Pap Finn was so despicable. Plus some of the reviews I read mentioned a surprise ending. Now while I would say that the ending was a surprise, it wasn’t however, a shock in anyway. The ending didn’t come out of left field or anything. So while I liked the ending, I guess I was waiting for something bizarre and shocking to happen.

The first really annoying thing about this book was the dialogue. It was so annoying in fact, that if I had not been so curious about finding out what happens at the end, I would have stopped reading this book very early on because the dialogue was so ridiculous. First of all, when the people talk to each other they only say three or four words per sentence. It was so choppy that I hated all the “talking” parts. Secondly, the phrase, “I know it.” was used approximately 900,000 times. So the dialogue was for shit.

The second really annoying thing was that the chapters were not in chronological order. Which would not have been so bad if there had been a way to actually tell that. But there wasn’t. So half way through a bit I’d be all, “What the hell? Is this the past? Shit.”

So really, the only good things about this book are:
A. the idea behind it (a book about Pap Finn and what made him so bad.)

B. all the bad things he did. man, was he bad.

I wish the dialogue and the chronology hadn’t been so painful, because it would’ve been so awesome.

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