yesterday at work (because this has become the ‘brary blog alla sudden), i was lucky enough to get this phone call. it’s a foreign lady. and she was polite but stern.  

“hello i want to renew the dvds on our cards please.”

“sure. what’s the name?”

she gives me the names to check.

“okay, your dvds were due yesterday. i’m renewing them and there’s a fine of $4.”

i know. dvds are a dollar per day late. it’s steep, but also cheaper than renting from blockbuster.

“no, they’re not late!”

“yes ma’am, they are. they were due yesterday the 21st.”

“today IS the 21st.”

i check my desk calendar to make sure i’m not losing it. “…no ma’am, today is the 22nd. it’s Tuesday.”

“i KNOW it’s Tuesday.”

“right, well yesterday was the 21st.”

“no. today is the 21st. Tuesday.”

“ma’am, today is the 22nd.”

“no no, it’s the 21st.”

“ma’am, i promise you-”

“you hold on.”

and she put me on hold. which i actually didn’t mind because i was running out of things to say, you know? and i’ve shortened the conversation we had because we went back and forth like a bad Abbot and Costello bit for a good solid minute and a half. and she comes back and is all, “i’m looking at my calendar and it says today is the 21st.”

“really?”

“yes. the 21st.”

“and you’re looking at July?”

“yes!”

“and it’s a 2008 calendar?”

“of course!”

“well, i don’t know what to tell you. today is the 22nd. my calendar and my computer both have it as the 22nd.”

“no, today is the 21st.”

and now i’m starting to doubt… everything. is my computer wrong? is there a misprinted calendar involved? do we even lend dvds? is this one of July’s pranks? does July even go to 22 days? do i work here? are you there, God? it’s me, Jaimie. help!

“ma’am, you’re looking at July, right?”

“yes!”

“could it be that you have a 2009 calendar?”

“what? no! ….oh my goodness.”

“ah, mystery solved.”

“i am so sorry.”

“that’s all right.”

“i… skknt! *giggle giggle*”

and she starts laughing and i’m trying so hard to not laugh because she is a foreign lady and i don’t want her to think i’m laughing at her instead of with her. so my talking now sounds like i’m strangling from trying not to laugh.

“i’m so hahahahaha sorry about that. hahahaha”

“*laughcough* it’s no problem, really. *laughcough* your dvds are now due on July 29th… 2008. *choke*”

“hahahahahahahahaa! thank you! hahahahaha!”

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