on Thursday at the ‘brary a lady called and asked if we have “Scarlet’s Letter”.

sigh. “ma’am, do you mean The Scarlet Letter?” i knew this because we get calls for it daily cos it’s on the required reading list for every damned school.

“ummm, it’s for my son’s class?”

“yes. it’s checked out.”

“you only have one copy?”

“no, we have several copies, but they’re all checked out. i can put it on reserve for you.”

“no he needs it today.”

“i’m sorry.”

“do you have it on CD?”

“that’s checked out as well.”

“is there a movie?”

“there is. and it, too, is checked out.”

“what am i gonna do?”

learn not to procrastinate? maybe?

there was a brainiac in yesterday (probably 15 years old) who asked, “how many movies on DVD can i check out?”

“the limit is three per card.”

“for DVDs?”

“yes, for all movies.”

“so i could get three DVDs and three videos?”

“no. you can only checkout three movies per card.”

“including DVDs?”

“why would that NOT include DVDs?”


“you can only checkout three movies at a time.”

“if they’re on DVD?”

“if they’re on anything, DVD or tape the limit is three.”

“for movies?”


“well, can i-”

“look, if what you want to checkout is a moving, talking picture that you watch on a screen? you may checkout three of those AND ONLY THREE regardless of what kind of media it is.”

“what about-”

“you may checkout three DVDs OR two DVDs and a tape, OR one DVD and two tapes, OR three tapes.”

“i’ve picked out 5 DVDs.”

“then you must put two back and get them next time.”


what’s that? YOU’re about to have brain aneurysm? and you totally feel for me? well thanks, but don’t make your brain ‘splode yet.

a minute later he and his mom come up to the desk and tell me, “we’ve decided not to check any DVDs out. we couldn’t find anything we liked.”

NOW you can let your brain ‘splode.

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