this week wouldn’t be complete without some ‘brary stories, would it? here’s some kids that i dealt with this week.
first is about a little girl who was probably five years old. she was really cute and since our counter at the circ. desk is kinda high you couldn’t see her when she’d walk up to the desk. she had been bringing me videos one at a time much to her ma’s chagrin. her ma was trying to get her to pick out three videos to take up to the desk, but apparently she’d find one and get so excited that she’d have to bring it to the desk right then. so cute!

so then she came up to the desk and i didn’t see her right away. she said, “excuse me, ma’am?” aw. so polite and sweet. i said, “hey kiddo, whatcha need?”

“is your for real hair the brown hair, or is your for real hair the purple hair?”

aw, melted my cold, steel, mechanical heart right down to the flux.

****

the other story is also about a little girl but she was probably eight or nine years old. she was sweet too, and also had one of the southernmost accents i’ve ever heard on a child before. she handed my co-worker her card, and co-worker scanned it. the name popped up but it was one of those names that could be for a boy or a girl so co-worker asked her, “are you Randy?”

“yes ma’am, ah was named for mah uncle.”

i say, “hey that’s cool.”

she says, “he’s day-id.”

jan and i are both, “oh, that’s too bad.”

she says, “that’s okay he died a long time ago. ah didn’t know him.”

“well okay, here’s your books, sweetie.”

“that’s mah diddy’s diddy.”

and we’re all, wha? but don’t say anything because who knows, right? this is the south. i’ve heard of uncle daddy’s before. heh. gross. i don’t actually believe her uncle was her granddad. she was probably just talking about all her dead relatives and you know how kids just jump around from thought to thought.

“now, mah diddy’s diddy, he up and died on Independence Day. so now mah diddy he don’t look forward to Independence Day so much ennymore.” then she dropped her card and the floor and bent down to pick it up. immediately jan and i turn to each other. she mouths, “up and died?!” and i’m all, “this is GOLD!”

the kid pops back up, and we snap our necks back in place and she’s all, “well bye now!” and she left.

we were disappointed to see her go.

****

the last one is about a boy. he was probably 10 or 11. he was dressed kinda like a skater punk. he was with his mom and was checking out a book on guitars.

“do you play?” i asked.

“yeah, i can play… well, i play parts of songs. do you know “Sweet Child of Mine?””

“yes.”

“well, i can play part of that song. can you play?”

“cool. i play bass mostly.”

“i don’t like bass. it’s too low and kinda boring.”

“hey! i’ll admit it’s no fun to play bass by yourself. it’s only fun when you’ve got the rest of the band playing with you. or at least some drums.”

“yeah! that’s what i mean.”

“do you play Guitar Hero?”

“yeah!”

his mom was all, “oh lord, don’t get him started.”

“i can turn my back on the screen when i play!”

“no kidding? i finally beat the second one on hard last month.”

the mom gives me a look of betrayal, like i’ve just lost all of my Adult Points.

“well, i play mine on expert.”

“i’ve beaten some of it on expert but not the whole thing. yet.”

“i can, and i can turn around like this when i play too.” and he plays air guitar and spins and it’s really cute that he’s all about his GH skillz. and his mom is standing there waiting for a hole in the ground to open up and take her away from this.

“that’s awesome!” i say.

“your hair is so cool,” he says.

“thank you.”

and then they left. but i think i’ve made a new pal. or at least it’s anotehr kid who will actually look me in the eye when i talk to him.

i had another kid, a college kid, come in and she was all, “can you help me find a book for my class?”

“sure, what do you need?”

“well the professor said i could read The Other Boleyn Girl if i couldn’t find anything else.”

“let’s see. that one is checked out. sorry. is there anything else?”

“i don’t know. it’s for Western Civ.”

“well what’s the assignment?”

“a book report.”

you gotta be kidding me. “so what kind of book do you need?”

“i don’t know.”

“you have to give me more than that.”

“something historical i guess.”

nice. “well what about a biography on a historical figure? we’ve some of those.”

“oh! okay! you got Fredrick The Great? i want to read about him.”

sigh. “i’m sorry, we don’t have any books on Fredrick the Great.”

“dang, we just learned about him today.”

“what about Elizabeth I?”

“nah, she boring.”

“what? how can you say that?”

it was here that she started texting a friend. and continued to text the rest of the time she kept turning down my great ideas. it was all, “dat’s borin’.” text text text, barely look at the next book i would find, “dat’s too old.” text text text barely look at the next book, “i don’t like dat.” text text text.

then something caught her eye and she wanted to read about it, and i SO wish i could remember what it was! i said, “didn’t you say this was for a Western Civ. class?”

“yeah?”

“well that’s about American history. you need someone from Europe.”

“oh okay. how about something from the 1700s?” tex text text.

i finally lost it and said, “here. this one is about Napoleon. take it or leave it. you see this section here?”

“yeah?”

“that’s the European history section. pick out something before WWI and you should be fine.”

“oh okay. oh hey wait.” text text text.

“what?”

“i ain’t got no liberry card.” text text text.

and instead of losing my mind and/or shouting obscenities, i did something terrible. i told her to ask one of the ladies at the circ. desk and then i went and took my 15 minute break.

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