10.28.08 *sigh* patrons

Category: dribblings

so i tweetered this yesterday, but here it is in more than 140 characters.

this lady comes up to the desk with her husband. she asks, “do you have Against Medical Advice?”

that’s the new James Patterson book, and this time he’s trying his hand at nonfiction. i guess he saw where it didn’t exactly hurt John Grisham when he did a NF last year (The Innocent Man). And since James Patterson is used to writing with other people (i’m not sure what the last JP book that he wrote by himself even is.) i’m sure the collaboration will be fine.

i point to the book which is on a display right behind her (the book is not even a foot and a half away from her arm.) and i say, “yes. it’s right there.”

“you do?!”

“yes ma’am. it’s there. right behind you.” again, i’m pointing at the book.

“it’s in?”

“…yes, right there. it’s the yellow-y one.”

“you mean you have it here?”

“that is what i’m telling you.”

“and i can check it out?”

“yes. but you have to hand it to me first.”

okay. now, i’m going to show you how the convo really went down because while the lady was in complete disbelief over our having an actual book she wanted to read, the husband was also talking to her. or maybe at her would be more apropos.

“do you have Against Medical Advice?”

“yes, it’s right there.”

“i need a jacket?”

“you do?!”

“yes ma’am.”

“no, not me. she texted “i need a jacket.” what does that mean?”

“it’s there. right behind you.”

to her husband, “she probably forgot a jacket. she wants me to bring her one.”

to me, “it’s in?!”

“…yes, right there. it’s the yellow-y one.” pointing.

in a loud voice, “SHE DIDN’T EVEN SAY PLEASE?!”

“you mean you have it here?”

“that is what i’m telling you.”

“SHE COULD AT LEAST SAY PLEASE. WHAT’S SO HARD ABOUT THAT? “COULD YOU PLEASE BRING ME A JACKET?” SEE? NOT HARD, BUT NO. I GET, “I NEED A JACKET.” LIKE I’VE GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO TODAY.”

“and i can check it out?”

“yes. but you have to hand it to me first.” right now. quickly. before i have to kick your freakshow out of the ‘brary for being a loudmouthed d-bag.

and it took her forever to find her card and he continued to postulate on her child’s lack of manners. which of course was not awkward at all. he continued his tirade while they were walking out the door.

as soon as the door closed, “geez. did anyone time that?”

“no, why?”

“it felt like forever.”

“what was her deal about that book?”

“i dunno, i felt like i was in a comedy sketch, but wasn’t told about it. in fact, i’m still waiting for someone to yell “cut!”‘

“don’t hold your breath, it’s monday.”

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