meet jimmy snooze button

Category: dribblings

the post where you end up feeling very sorry for jimmy.

jimmy’s alarm goes off before my alarm because he has to be at work earlier than i do. he’s always been one to turn off the alarm and pretty much get up right then. my alarm goes off nearly two hours later and usually i don’t hear it right away (it’s a clock radio) and i’ll wake up minutes later with a song playing or the news newsing and i can continue to lay there for several minutes before acknowledging that i must get up and start my day.

i think that’s weird because i always wake up to jimmy’s alarm right when it goes off, but my own? not as quick. in fact, lots of times whatever song is on the radio will work itself into my dream. and then i’ll wake up and be all, “huh. how about that? i show up to high school late and naked and the Monkees are singing about homecoming queens.”

for the past couple of days jimmy’s been hitting the snooze button. i’m guessing it’s because for the past couple of days it’s been rainygloom outside and he can’t go walk Roxy around the block. there are several Snooze Button Senarios that occur when he hits the SB:

1. alarm goes off during a news bit and he will hit the SB right before the important bit.

2. alarm goes off during a Stevie Wonder song and he will hit the SB period. i’d prefer to at least finish out the chorus, but nay, he’ll even cut off a good chorus.

and as i am not a friendly person when i wake up (especially from a nap, but also first thing in the morning) these two SB Senarios are driving me to murder. which, let’s face it, is not the way to start your day. especially for jimmy. i feel bad for him, i do.

especially on the first day it happened. because i woke up to the alarm and then fell back asleep only to wake minutes later to the… alarm?

what the-

“did your alarm go off?”

“yeah.”

“is it- am i having deja vu?”

“what?”

“did it go off twice?”

“yeah, i hit the snooze button.”

“you are fucking dead.”

“what?” becoming more awake.

“hm?”

“what did you say?”

“when?”

“just then.”

“oh, uh… good morning?”

here’s what happens with senario 1. the news.

the alarm goes off and the local radio is doing the local news. “-3 to 4inches of rain. several trees are down and there are 3 detours inside the county limits. several roads are closed this morning so avoid the following road-”

oh sweet christ i know you did not just turn off the only bit of news that would have been useful to know. i am going to beat your face in WITH YOUR OWN FACE!

“what?”

“hm?” did i say that out loud?

“did you say something about my face?”

“i said i love your face off starringnicholascageandjohntravolta.”

now with Senario #2 there are two ways it could go, both have the same outcome (mostly) but both are kinda funny to me so you get to hear about both of them.

A. it’s a local AM station. they play the same songs every day. it’s not quite Ground Hog’s Day where i’m waking up to the same Sonny and Cher song, but y’know, it is a Stevie Wonder song more times than it isn’t. which is fine with me. i’d prefer that. that is a great way to wake up. i mean come on, that’s almost like the Lord has blessed you to go out and pay it forward, when you hear a Stevie song first thing. i mean, i guess. what do i know?

but jimmy, he hears the song, but he doesn’t hear it, you know? so the alarm’s all, “-you belieeeeeve in things that you doooon’t understaaa-”

“buckets of shit! we can’t even make it through the chorus?!”

“huh?”

“that was Stevie, jimmy.”

“…Stevie Nicks?”

“…i am using the Dark Side of the Force to invisible choke you right now.”

“wha-? are you mad at me?”

“no, i’m murdering you.”

“why?”

“you just cut off a Stevie Wonder song and this is where the horn section would be greeting us with it’s magical hook.”

“are you talking to me, or are you dreaming?”

“oh, i’m dreaming all right.”

“i didn’t know it was Stevie.”

“i know! just like how you never know when it’s Smokey.”

“what?”

“i just don’t get it. it is a proven scientific fact that Stevie’s music has become part of human DNA. it’s in our cells. it’s like, mitochondria. do you know what mitochondria does?”

“um, it’s the “power house” of the cell.”

“no, that’s what it did back in the ’80s. back when Pluto was a planet and eggs were good for you. now? now it’s the stevieochondria and it takes all the blessed magic that is stevie’s songs and transforms them into fuel for our cells! he is sonic nutrition! and you are starving me!”

“okay, go back to sleep,” he says as he gently, but firmly, places his pillow over my face, “this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me…”

 

in Senario #2 part B. the alarm goes off and it’s not Stevie greeting us with a new day, but intsead it’s some lump like Neil Sedaka or Chicago or Hall and Oates. and you hear a snippet of a song. no big deal, no big loss. and then the snoozer goes off again right? and you hear a piece of a song by America or The Moody Blues or Blondie (if you’re lucky), and bonk! there’s jimmy to snuff it out.

so then i think it’s okay, that was no big deal. until all day long i’m singing “SWEEEEEET CAROLINE!…. i bet you think this song is about you… don’t you? don’t you? don’t you?!” so all day long i’m harbouring judgement against sweet caroline for her alleged vanity.

 

obviously, if this is the worst thing that happens to me all day, heh, it’s a great day.

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