Character Tuesday

Category: dribblings

i know most public libraries (and probably public places in general) have their characters. yesterday, most of our recurring characters came in. we see these people once a week but usually we’ll just be blessed with one a day, maybe two. but yesterday? WE HAD THEM ALL. let me give you an idea:

Office Max – he comes in to use the computers. he prints out things every day and makes copies every day. then he comes up to the desk to “borrow” paperclips, scissors, highlighters, pens. he’s an ass because he KNOWS he’s going to print out stuff and he NEVER brings any supplies. he’s a liar.

Voldemort – also a computer user. he did not come in yesterday only because we did not say his name. if one of us says his name, his real name? it never fails. he’ll come in. he is a menace. there’s not enough cyberspace for me to name all of his offenses. just know that several times he’s had his card revoked. he lies a lot.

Misery Guts – this guy. he comes in and sighs loudly. like he hates being at the ‘brary. he groans, he mumbles a lot. always sighing. he is so loud with the sighing and mumbling. and on the days he uses the computer he’s always, “why isn’t this working?” in a loud, almost whiny voice. maybe he has really bad back pain? so maybe whenever he moves it hurts so that’s why he’s always grunting and groaning and sighing? i dunno. but he’s NEVER happy.

Tweaky – this lady comes in quite a bit. she never checks out books and never (that i can remember) uses the computers. the only thing she does is buy books and magazines out of the book sale section. nearly every day. and she appears to be on drugs. something that makes her twitchy and nervous. she is also creepy.

The Demon Lady – she has demons. very creepy. also? i’m not the only one who recognizes that she has demons.

Columbo – he comes in at least once a week. he’s an old guy always spouting off all this polical bullshit. (he writes a lot of letters to the editor in our local paper. he wouldn’t be satisfied if we lived in Utopia.) he knows i don’t vote republican (he guessed from my hair color a while back) so now he makes it a point to slam President Obama. yesterday he had me read a paragraph out of a set of 30 year old supermarket encyclopedias about Herbert Hoover and how his public works system didn’t work. i’m not allowed to discuss politics with patrons (nor do i want to) so i pretty much have to grin and bear it. and he knows this. the reason his name is Columbo (Jan came up with the name and it’s brilliant) is because JUST when you think he’s going to leave he’ll turn around and come back up to the desk with “just one more thing…” just like Peter Falk did in EVERY episode Columbo.

we’ve lots of other characers, but

1. they aren’t usually unpleasant per se.

2. they didn’t come in yesterday and

3. i don’t have great nicknames for them. mostly they have titles, like: The Thief. The Lady Who Always Wears Pink Lipstick Who Has No Business Wearing That Shade Of Pink Lipstick. The Annoying Lady With No Volume Control and Has the Two Most Ill-behaved Children but I Think It’s Because She Ignores Them and Then Beats Them Instead of Correcting Their Behavior, But Then Again What Do I Know? The Very Demanding Old Lady. The Lazy Brainless Wonder Who is a Retired Teacher and Acts as Though She Could Never Find a Book By Herself to Save Her Life.

oh, there’s Sunglasses. she usually wears sunglasses, even at night. she isn’t blind.

Talkie and The Deaf Lady. a married couple. he’s a talker (and i always get stuck with him.) and she’s going deaf, but i’m wondering if she’s lying about the deaf thing and is just sick of listening to him talk?

The Mean Deaf Guy. he’s mean. and deaf.

but there’s also The Really Sweet Blind Lady. The Old Flirty (but not in a dirty gross way) Teacher Guy Who is Super Nice. there’s a couple of Home School Mafia that come in and most are really great. some of them have a sense of entitlement, like they should be able to check out 5 books on Japan because that’s what they are studying, and then they get all huffy when we only let them have two. because that’s the rule, only two books per subject, because we’re a small library and we don’t have infinite resources here. some of them whine all, “well i’m not a teacher and so i don’t have all the resources so i need 5 books on Japan.” and i want to be all, “well if you’re not a teacher and you don’t have all the “resources” maybe you should get your kids vaccinated and send them on to public school so we can all get on with our lives.” but i can’t say that. that’s mean. i just tell them sorry, those are the rules. two books. when you finish with those return them and get two different ones. geez, like it’s rocket science?

and i’d even understand if they lived 20 miles away and it was hard to get here, but they don’t and it isn’t. and the ones who DO live far away? good as gold. never ask for special treatment. they’re the best.

most of the HSM are really great. there’s just a couple i dread.

actually, most of our patrons are AWESOME. no kidding. we have the BEST patrons. there’s only a mere handful that are a… handful. i love my job and the patrons and i’m actually excited when i get ot work cos i wonder, “who is going to come in today?” and sometimes? they bring us cookies.

you can’t beat that.

Tags: library