8.13.06

Category: dribblings

roxy was good as gold at the hot rod show. someone else brought their dog too, so i wasn’t the only redneck. the other dog was a sweet puppy. the guy said she was a mix between a setter and a lab, but her paws were pretty small and dainty. she looked like a beagle-hound-something. her name was Uno ‘cos she was all black except for one paw that was white. cute name i thought.

the car show went well. mom was in the dunking booth.
there was a huge line to dunk her.

“what? my own baby girl?!”
“sorry mom.” first ball.
“HA! you throw like a girl!”
“i know.” second ball.
“powder puff!”
third ball.
*sploosh*

people kept asking justin and i to try to dunk mom and we both said no because we both knew we’d never hear the end of it. but finally i caved.

i’ll never hear the end of it.

there were some awesome hot rods. when it was time to vote for the people’s choice award i said to jimmy, “let’s see….which one would i vote for….”
“you’ll pick a muscle car,” he said as i pointed at the camaro super sport. “ha! i knew it!”

i’m not sure how to take that really. did he know that because he knows me so well…or am i just really predictable?

i’ve always wanted an old muscle car. the only reason i haven’t caved and bought one every time i see one for sale is ‘cos i’m frugal. that, and i don’t feel like spending my saturdays working on a car. that and my jeep sucks enough gas. i don’t need something that only gets 10 miles a gallon. but know this, if i had lots of disposable income i’d have a muscle car and jimmy and i would also have awesome motorbikes. and we’d go to awesome bike shows and stand out like sore thumbs. and on the weekends we’d drive our shiny muscle car around and then make out in the back seat.

a rich fantasy life i have.

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8.11.06

Category: dribblings

the very next day after i posted the thing about SG and the HCH?

SG calls and wants to schedule an event at the HCH.

coincidence?! yeah, probably.

OR IS SOMEONE READING MY BLOG?

***

the cutie that works the whorebucks at the CCA is selling his jeep. it’s a red 2001 cherokee. he wants $6500 but it doesn’t have AC. i thought about offering 5 for it.

JAIMIE, YOU DO NOT NEED ANOTHER CAR SO SHUT YOUR FACE ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.

***

the coffee in my coffeemaker is starting to taste funny. perhaps it’s time to clean it? how do you clean coffeemaker guts? run a pot of Formula 409 through it?

***

my leetle brather is in town! nuts to you! 

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8.07.06

Category: dribblings

while watching Bloodrayne this evening:
“gah, did she HAVE to put her knee between that lady’s thighs as she sucked out her blood?”

“no, but i’m glad she did.”

“hee. i love you.”

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8.07.06

Category: dribblings

if you look up “sherman guyton” on the google search? mine’s the first page listed. it’s listed ABOVE his own real estate site. the internet is a weird thing.

another weird thing is that mr. guyton’s campaign people called me the other day to ask if i was going to vote for mr. guyton in the upcoming mayoral election. i gave an exuberant “hell yes!”
which may have surprised the lady, but also i think she was glad to have such a positive answer so fast. she seemed like a nice lady. the only thing that bothered me was the fact that she had called me on my cell phone.

how did they get my number?

the only thing i can think of is when i registered to vote i had to give a phone number. do the candidates get lists of registered voters numbers?! cos it’s not like i’m in the phone book.
weird.

the current mayor (who’s been mayor for quite a long time) has been politicking at the HCH a bit. first there was the HCH’s 35th anniversary BBQ. and last week he brought ice cream for the oldsters. now perhaps mr. guyton realizes that the old folks are pro’ly going to vote for the old mayor because old people don’t like change, they fear it like they fear cleanliness. or perhaps mr. guyton doesn’t realize what the Power of Baked Goods & Ice Cream has over old people.

mr. guyton, the old people at the holy comforter house love cake.

that’s a freebie.

***

i just got off the phone with Popsicle.

“jaimie, you want to come over tonight for BLTs?”

“i dunno. i’ll see what mr. fleegan wants to do.”

“okay.”

“he likes BLTs though. i’m the one who’s not crazy about them.”

“yeah. hey, have you got any bread you’re wanting to use up?”

“what?”

“loaf bread? that’s about to go bad or something?”

“um, i guess? you want to feed the ducks or something?”

“ha! no, we don’t have any bread for the BLTs.”

“you’re having BLTs and you don’t even have any bread?”

“yeah. i was hoping-“

“sounds like to me, you’re having what they call…a salad.”

“hahahahaha! actually, i don’t even have the lettuce.”

“i’m not sure you know what a BLT is, dad.”

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8.05.06

Category: dribblings

we saw Talladega Nights last night with my parents and best. it’s the third or fourth movie my mom has ever been to since the 1970s. it was a funny movie, but not nearly as funny as Anchorman.

i mowed the lawn today! first time i’ve mowed it since the end of April when all the winter grass i planted died. i was very relieved when my grass died. and it was such a blessing to not have to mow the grass in the summertime heat. but it couldn’t be avoided any longer…not that the grass was too high or anything, nay, it’s all dead and not as tall as you’d think for letting it go for 3 months…but it was looking a bit (a bit, mind.) untidy. it mostly looked that way because of the leaves. the leaves are falling off my giant tree because THERE’S NO RAIN EVER, and so now my yard looks clean and dead. i’m going to start watering the giant oak tree every day ‘cos i’m getting nervous about it. everytime a strong wind comes branches snap off and i guess it’s cos it’s too dry.

then again, what do i know about trees?

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8.03.06

Category: dribblings

i was paint monkey today. which suited me just fine seeing as how that adding machine i use as office monkey is really giving me fits. i’ll be adding a bunch of numbers right? and then, all a sudden i’ll get a string of numbers and symbols that don’t exist on this earth. and i have to start over! it’s enough to make me yell and swear at the thing. and i hate to lose my cool over things like lists of numbers and stupid space machines.

we watched The Birds this evening. well, more like we ripped it apart, in a loving way, mind. very respectful.

i haven’t been reading much lately. i finished Wicked weeks ago and i’m now reading How To Kill a Mockingbird. liz, was it you who wanted to invent a drink called Tequila Mockingbird?

it’s just been too hot to lay in bed and read. it’s like the bed lamp is just shooting heat out. it’s miserable all over isn’t it? i was sweating huge drops of gross sweat this afternoon after work as i swept the brick walkway at my house when i heard a horn honk. i looked up and it was Dante Manglehorn! i waved and he waved and he shouted, “hey Roxy!” yes, he verbally acknowledged my dog and not me. it was funny ‘cos the dog was all, “huh? what was that? that’s my name! me!” and then i was all excited cos i remembered that i was going to get to see florrie on thursday at the St. Luke meeting when it hit me…it WAS thursday and the meeting was starting RIGHT THEN and i was in my paint monkey outfit and no shower. so once again i missed another meeting. i also missed mom’s coffee klatch on tuesday. so i’m batting a thousand.

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8.01.06

Category: dribblings

had to endure more bloody, bollicky Shark Week this evening. laura was over and she was all, “what is Shark Week?” and honestly, it’s not like she’s from Tibet or anything.

why i went with Tibet, i’ve no idea. i was trying to think of something far away and completely landlocked, like Nebraska, only even people in Nebraska have heard of Shark Week. Tibet is not only really foreign, but it’s a plateau. perhaps that’s what i was going for then when i made the snark about laura and Tibet. how about let’s stop analyzing what i say, okay? it’s taking the funny out.

anyway, after 20 minutes of whatever sharkshowbullshit was on i turned to LBC and said, “see what i mean about Shark Week?”

“yes.”

“so repetitive.”

“and gross.”

“and filled with assholes.”

“…”

“who cares what kind of shark killed your kid! it was A SHARK! make and model aren’t going to bring her back.”

“yeah, this is morbid.”

“oh by all means, let’s study the mortal wound to measure the teeth marks. that way we can brag that the shark that ate our kid was like, 3 feet bigger than the one that ate yours.”

“and this goes on for a week?”

“yes, and it’s all the same. at the end of each show they tell you what to do if you’re attacked by a shark.”

“and what do you do if you’re attacked by a shark?”

“basically you bleed out and die.”

jimmy, bless it, finally was all, “here. take the remote. watch whatever you want!”

“no. that’s okay. you can watch your morbid, blood water, shark attack progam.”

laura: “it’s shark worship.”

oh and what’s worse is the shark apologetics. the bleeding heart liberal shark fuckers who say things like, “sharks are noble creatures who don’t actually hunt humans as prey. if a shark attacks a human it’s because the human was doing something wrong like cutting bait in the water. and sometimes maybe the shark sees someone paddling out on a surfboard and thinks it’s a seal. sharks just get a bad rap sometimes.” and they can kiss my huge ass because i’m pretty sure seals don’t have screenprinted seascapes and Ron Jon logos on their bellies, am i right?

i mean, they have eyes! big ones! the size of quarters even! and quit telling me how goddamn smart they are and how they have incredible sensory abilities, and then turn around and say that they “accidentally” attack humans and fiberglass surf boards a la murky water. i don’t want to hear it.

sharks attack humans because
A. they’re out of their mind, crazy hungry and
B. we’re in their house and
C. we’re pink, fleshy, indefensible snack crackers

and people freak out all, “OMG! we’re going to the beach and there’s been 8 shark attacks THIS YEAR in the Gulf! it’s crazy!”

no, no it isn’t. that’s…nature. now, if there were 8 shark attacks in Nebraska or Tibet…that would be crazy.

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7.31.06

Category: dribblings

i hate Shark Week because it’s so damn repetitive. for a whole week. however, i understand that i am greatly outnumbered. it’s boring and gross what with all the blood in the water, or maybe i’m just mad ‘cos i didn’t get to watch the Tammy marathon on AMC. they were showing:
Tammy
Tammy and the Bachelor
Tammy and the Doctor
Tammy and the Millionaire
Tammy and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat
Tammy and the Boring Secretary Job
Tammy and the Delightful Nuclear Generator Mishap
Tammy and the Pirate’s Chest
Tammy and the Mystery of the Disappearing Clock

i could do this all night.

Tammy and the Flesh-eating Disease
Tammy and the Guy Who Said He Was a Movie Director
Tammy and the Minor Cancer Scare
Tammy and the Pussycats
Tammy and the Contrived Plot
Tammy and the Secret Shame
Tammy and the Complete Waste of Time
Tammy and the Muppets
Tammy and the Cask of Amontillado
Tammy and the Delicious Snacky Cakes
Tammy and the Condescending, Handsome City Slicker Who Can’t Help But Fall For Tammy’s Sweet, Innocent, Southern Charm So He Dumps His Bitch Girlfriend/Fiance To Be With Tammy Who He Has Nothing in Common With and Will Basically Treat as Though She’s a Sweet But Dumb Pet.

while jimmy was grilling food i would change the channel to AMC, but when he’d come back in he’d change it back to Shark Week. liznchris came over and chris said that if he had to watch Tammy his penis would shrivel up and turn into a vagina.

and well, i couldn’t let that happen. so we watched dumb, boring sharks.

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8.29.06

Category: dribblings

my shoulder is still hurting. it hurts so bad i’ve become irritable. and i’m taking out my irritableness on jimmy. which, isn’t fair really, because it’s not his fault my shoulder feels like someone snuck in my room and performed a voodoo pain ceremony on my shoulder.

“what do you want for supper?”

“NOTHING. my shoulder hurts too bad to move much less EAT anything. LEAVE ME ALONE.”

“okay.”

“but i HAVE to eat something so i can take some more PILLS, DUH!”

“so what do-“

“JUST GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!”

“i’m in the kitchen.”

“hey, do you want to rent a movie?”

“sure.”

***

dear webMD,

my shoulder hurts. it’s not a sharp stabby pain… unless i move it. if i don’t move it it’s just an achy pain. it hurts mostly on the backside of the shoulder. it also hurts on the front. it hurts throughout the middle of the shoulder as well.

now, it hurts if i move, but it really hurts a lot if i let my arm hang down. also, if i lean forward…the pain follows and i can feel it in my collarbone area. it’s weird that way.

i guess my question is: do i have ebola?

love,

jaimie pickle

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7.23.06

Category: dribblings

good weekend. no dogs were killed or thrown from a moving vehicle.

it was movie weekend.

mr. fleegan and i saw Clerks II. it was funny and gross, of course. it had Rosario Dawson in it. that makes her cool as hell because to me she is the Annoying Girl in Rent, but now she’s cool. i hear that she’s got a comic book coming out. that also makes her cool as hell.

we also saw My Super Ex-Girlfriend, which was a little long but it was better than i thought it would be. too bad i can’t say the same thing for Pirates II or whatever it was called. because that movie was WAY too long. it was so long it was stupid. it was ridiculous. if they had cut out the whole thing with the water wheel rolling through the jungle scene, it might have been a better movie. that scene was so floppingly stupid it makes me hate the whole thing.

we rented Ultraviolet. you want to talk about a complete waste of time, i mean, really. THEY EXPLAIN NOTHING. and i hate that. i realize it’s based on a comic book series and that if i was cool and had read the comics that i would know what’s going on, but also? i’m completely capable of watching Superman, Spiderman, Batman, and hell, Aeon Flux without being completely baffled by the plot and why i should care about anything happening in the movie.

and sure she states at the beginning, “my name is violet, and i was born into a world you…may not understand.”

no shit vi, but see, i don’t care about your downloadable weapons or stupid virus and human-vampire/1984 extermination bullshit at all. i just want to know why/how/whatfor does your hair and jacket keep changing colors! WHY IS THIS NEVER TALKED ABOUT/EXPLAINED? ARE YOU IN THE MATRIX?!

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