8.31.06

Category: dribblings

i changed the oil in the mower without a hitch…no hot oil to the face. RESULT!

remember back at the beginning of july when my plumbing went stupid and started backing up into the basement? yay! it’s happening again. perfect.
last night i got to scoop shit out of the basement. literally.

it bothers me that it happened again so soon after we blasted the pipe last time. that’s not a good sign. we blasted it again. and it seemed to clear out the sewage pipe, but for how long? if it happens again real soon i guess i’m going to have to call a real plumber.

jimmy suggested that we cap off the drains in the basement so shit can’t back up in there again. i told him that that isn’t the problem. the problem is that it’s backing up period. if it’s going to back up it’s got to go somewhere. if we cap off the drains in the basement then it will back up through the shower drain. and i’d rather have turds in the basement than turds in my shower.

i bet diana ross has never had to scoop turds out of her basement.

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8.30.06

Category: dribblings

i just mowed the lawn. RESULT!

so here i sit in the AC letting my sweat dry and letting the mower cool down before i go to try and change the oil in the mower. (learned my lesson, Uncle Dan!)
the reason i didn’t change the oil before i mowed the lawn is that i was trying to use up as much of the gas that was in the mower all ready. cos once you tip the mower on it’s side any and all gas will leak out the top and that always pisses me off.

so now all i’ll have to contend with is boiling, hot oil. see, that’s why you change it first and THEN mow. but not me, cos i’m too cheap and my inner-jew didn’t want to waste any gas.

at least i’m honest.

and when i end up in the ER with leg burns down to my bones, i’ll be sure and tell the doc that i was trying to save money.

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8.27.06

Category: dribblings

the other night cookie, liz, and i were sitting around the table and cookie was telling us about a client of hers from west “by god” virginia. it was a funny story. i then said that every time i hear someone mention west virginia i always think about jesco.

liz was all, “oh yeah. i forgot about that.”
cookie was all, “YOU’VE SEEN IT?!”
i was all, “how could you forget about that?”
cookie was all, “YOU’VE SEEN JESCO?!”
i was all, “yeah, he’s the Dancin’ Outlaw. YOU’VE SEEN IT?!”
joyous shrieks all around. there’s just something about that video. you have to watch it with other people though. it’s not really enjoyable by yourself. cookie said that her sister had a copy of the video and that they would watch it all the time.

we then had to share our jesco story with cookie because everyone has a jesco story about how they saw the video. we have a friend, The Chad, who one day decided to drive to WV to see if he could find jesco. The Chad stopped at a gas station to ask for directions to find jesco and the guy behind the counter said, “well, he’s about to walk in the store.” so The Chad got to meet jesco. he even “hit a lick” for him. how cool is that?!

so yeah, anytime i hear about WV i think about jesco. that poor, crazy SOB. oh, and every time i hear that “if you want to get to heaven you got to raise a little hell” song i always think of him. it’s burned into my brain where he’s dancing across the wooden bridge and holding a jambox.

he dances on top of a dog house.

oh my gosh, and remember the part with his family and they’re driving cars in the dirt? and the end to “Free Bird” is playing?

it’s a glimpse into another world. same planet…just, different world.

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8.26.06

Category: dribblings

mr. fleegan and i played cards with the fam last night. it wasn’t another S.T.F.U. fest like last time. this time we kept calling shenanigans. to the point that Flippy kept telling us to stop it with the calling of shenanigans. which led to Best and i calling shenanigans while holding our noses so it would sound funny. at one point Flippy called shenanigans on shenanigans that had already been called and was promtly accused of calling second-hand shenanigans, which was then deemed the new name of our band: Big Head Shane and the Second-hand Shenanigans.

we were then told to stop saying the word shenanigans with and without holding our noses. but we were truly on a roll and ended up with shenanabananagans. we then had a veritable shananapalooza sidewalk sale of shananabananagans complete with second-hand shenanigans that we called the shananaganza.

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8.22.06

Category: dribblings

so the bedroom renovation is done. for now. i managed to get the walls done. there’s a chair rail. i know…in the bedroom? isn’t that a kitchen/diningroom thing? s’anyway, the trim is white (huh, huh. trim.) and the top is a creamy-orange (heh, top.) and the bottom (skknt!) is a punkin color (BAHAHAHAHAAA! BOTTOM.). i know, it sounds horrible.

it probably is. but orange is my favorite color.
and flavor.

isn’t it horrible how normal home decor can sound so dirty? yeah, i’m gonna need to prime the paneling first. oh yeah. that dentil moulding gets you hot, doesn’t it? decorative wood indeed.

can you pass me the 5-in-1 tool?

i get to say crap like that all day long. but the thing is, it’s not always okay to be all stupid and immature. most times i have to be all professional and businesslike. which sucks because it’s so hard to keep a straight face when someone (read: everyone) asks, “how much for the trim?”

dirty paint monkey!

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8.20.06

Category: dribblings

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8.17.06

Category: dribblings

the wallpaper has been removed.
i’ve re mudded the section with the ex-door.
i sanded all the walls. especially the ex-door.
the room is covered in white dust. all of it.

tomorrow, i prime! perhaps, if i’m lucky, i’ll even get some actual color on the walls. dare i dream?

***

i took some books back the the ‘brary today and ran into a lady i know from church. we’ll call her “sue” because that’s her name. we compared the books we were returning and she had California Demon the sequel to Carpe Demon which i read for last year’s fiddy. we had this intelligent conversation:
“what did you read?”
“uh, Mockingbird and this other one. what about you?”
“i read this guidepost thing and this one.”
“oh hey!”
“yeah.”
“that’s!”
“uh huh.”
“oh wow! i didn’t realize it was out yet!”
“yeah, it’s good. you want it?”
“yeah!”

and she let me take it without checking it back in first. and sure, it’s got a whole two weeks left on the due date, but still…to me, that’s some huge trust. because i wouldn’t let just anybody check something out on my library card (liz). i’m pretty anal about that kind of thing.  so anyway, i thought it was really cool that she let me have it.

***

i’m looking forward to SNAKES ON A PLANE!

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8.16.06

Category: dribblings

nothing like stripping off wallpaper while enjoying a hangover.

jimmy and i are redoing the bedroom. it had wallpaper. now it does not. however, the walls are probably 2 days away from being painted…that’s how much work the walls need. bleh.

this is why i don’t take down wallpaper. it’s messy. it’s sticky (and all i use is water…i don’t even use chemicals). it’s unbearably slow going. and then comes all the What’s Under the Wallpaper Surprise! today’s surprise? there used to be a doorway into the living room! wow! what a shitty job they did drywalling over the door! but they didn’t care COS THEY KNEW THEY WERE GOING TO PUT WALLPAPER OVER IT. IN FACT, THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FILL IN ANY HOLES OR REMOVE ANY GIANT METAL ANCHORS, SINCE, AFTER ALL, THEY WERE GOING TO COVER IT ALL UP WITH BUTTFUCKINGLY UGLY TEXTURED WALLPAPER. IN FACT, WHY DON’T YOU GO AHEAD AND WRITE ALL OVER THE WALLS WITH YOUR WEIRD MIRROR MEASUREMENTS, WHICH BY YOUR CALCULATIONS APPARENTLY THREE WALLS WERE COVERED IN MIRROR.

JUST WHAT KIND OF SHOW WERE YOU RUNNING ANYWAY?

the room is a wreck.

i’m depressed.

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8.14.06

Category: dribblings

i took roxy to the groomers today. she has been shorn. it’s funny really, how strange she looks and yet…not exactly, because she looks like a regular dog. only now, without all the setter hair she once had. i love the setter hair because it makes her look girly and sweet. but also, it’s 6,000 degrees outside, and she was starting to get those ass dredlocks. and the ear dredlocks. in fact, i thought she had a weird growth on one of her ears because there was a very strange mushy ball attached to her ear and i thought, “hm, tumor?” and i asked cindy about cos she used to work at a famous vet place. she said it was probably a hematoma. it felt really gross.

turns out? it really was just hair. it shaved right off. the poor thing’s GOT to feel better.

so now she looks more like a hound than a setter. although i’ve been told that setters are hounds. but with the short hair she looks like an ol’ hound dog. i think it’s cos her neck looks extra long. at some angles, because of the neck, her head looks really big, but at other angles her head looks really small. she’s an optical illusion.

she smells good.

i will try to get a picture posted. but since i got the new computer all my software is gone. so it might be difficult.

****

tomorrow night Liz sings at Antonelli’s. so come and have a beer with me.

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8.13.06

Category: dribblings

i just finished To Kill a Mockikngbird. you want to hear my TKaM story? no? well here it is anyway.

i went to help dad fix something in one of the rooms at the HCH. the lady wasn’t home as she was…i dunno, at a doctor’s appointment or something. anyway, we go in to install some handles in the bathroom and bedroom (like handicap handles that help people get out of bed or off the toilet) and in her bedroom i notice she’s got all these black and white pictures on the wall. well, i love looking at pictures that the oldsters hang on the walls ‘cos usually you get to see what the oldster looked like when they were younger and i just think it’s awesome and sweet to see family portraits from the ’60s and ’70s what with the collars and hair and all.

well, this lady had all these black and white photos of what i assumed were her husband and kids and i thought oh, she must’ve been a shutterbug, how cool. and i was admiring a really great picture she took of her husband and son sitting on a porch.

and i said, “wow dad, her husband was really handsome. what a hottie.”

and dad’s all, “yeah. can you hold this?”

“what a great picture. honestly, this guy kinda looks like…actually he looks exaclty like…Gregory Peck.”

“uh huh, come hold this.”

“waitaminutehere. that IS Gregory Peck. hey! these are all stills from To Kill a Mockingbird! oh. wait. are we in Mrs. A’s room?”

“yes. you’re a regular Nancy Drew. now get over here and HOLD THIS.”

see, the dude who played Jem is from gadsden and his mom lives at the HCH. his sis lives there too to take care of mom. the sis is one of the nicest, hardworking, interesting people i’ve ever met. i love it when she has a rare day off and she comes outside to smoke and she’ll talk to me for an hour about all this stuff she’s done. it’s awesome. she’s done everything and been everything. she should write a book.

also she used to be a house painter in New Orleans. so we always jive on painting for a while.

also she used to own my black jeep.

she’s cool as hell. i’ve never met the bro, but when i was in jr. high he came to the school to talk about…To Kill a Mockingbird i guess. i don’t know if he ever did another movie or not.

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