10.05.06

Category: dribblings

last week i was painting for strangers (which is pretty rare for me), but they were actually the parents of someone i’ve painted for before. so they weren’t, you know, just complete strangers, i guess. anyway, the mother-in-law of the parents lived in a house way out in the backyard, we’re talking lower 40 here. hee.

so the old lady, we’ll call her “Alice” because that was probably her name, was the one to let me into the people’s house because they were at work and she was old and had nowhere else to be. i had to work that job for 3 days, so everyday i’d get to see Alice for long periods of time. she, being an old southern lady, would not let me skip lunch. and every day she’d make me a chicken salad sandwich with all kinds of goodies. except one day she gave me a ziploc full of what i think were nacho flavored pork rinds…and i’m not a fried pork skin kinda gal. still the thought was very sweet. she even gave me a jar of some muscadine preserves she had made! and while i’m not a fan of muscadines or muscadine wine…the jam is AWESOME!

well, she was the coolest old lady. first of all, she had a voice like the creepy old guy from Family Guy, but not so much with the whistled Ss. just kinda high pitched and a really southern accent which was long and drawn out and quite charming. she would say things like, “ah hope ah’m not hinderin’ you.” she hung around and talked a lot probably because she doesn’t get to see a lot of people during the day although she seemed to get around pretty well.

so i started asking her questions about where she grew up and about her childhood. well! she lit up! she pulled up a chair in the room i was working in and started telling me all these stories about growing up in the country back in the “good ol’ days”. it was like talking to a Foxfire book! it was so much fun. in fact, i’m supposed to paint for those people again in november, and i can’t wait to hang out with Alice again.

i even wrote her a thank you note (people love getting mail) for telling me her stories and for feeding me. she really made an impression on me. in fact, next time i paint there i wish i could take you with me so you could listen too. EVERYONE should listen to the stories of an old southern lady. do you know an old southern lady? go ask her questions! ask her about christmas when she was a girl. ask her about rabid dogs. (mad dogs were a HUGE deal back then, i mean, they’d be pretty serious now, but they’re kinda few and far between these days.) ask her about cathead biscuits. ask her about sorghum syrup and if they made their own. be sure to pronounce it “sahgum” or she may not know what you’re talking about. hee.

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10.04.06

Category: dribblings

october!
october is a cool month if you ask me. it rules.

lately on Being Married:
actually i can’t remember anything lately. i think it’s because i’ve been WATCHING TELEVISION. and we all know that crap rots your brain. so far i’ve recorded mostly cartoons. but there’s 2 shows on the beeb i recorded too. one is a new one that i’ve never heard of but while watching the other show i kept seeing commercials for it…until i remembered that if one records a show one can fast forward through the commercials. i’m such a noob.

anyway, Wire in the Blood and The Street. WitB was all right. i haven’t watched The Street yet. there seems to be lots of murder/cop shows that are popular over there. kinda like here. oh, and there’s a new Dr. Who series starting soon…this time with real special effects. hee. but i must admit i’m disappointed with BBC America because it seems to show the same things over and over and over. and while i love that they show the old episodes of As Time Goes By in order (in order!) i can’t help but be disappointed that they show their version of Antiques Roadshow 8 times a day. don’t get me wrong, i LOVE Antiques Roadshow, but not that much.

and WHAT is WITH the Benny Hill show? i mean, still? and you’re putting it on EVERY NIGHT? it’s on PRIME TIME? are you kidding me? there’s not anything newer or even…dare i say, better, you could put on the 7pm spot? lord. we’re AMERICA! we’re not COMPLETE RETARDO MONTALBANS OVER HERE. i can’t figure if the channel is run by brits or if it’s a u.s. channel. did they pick the shows all, “well, we know the stupid americans like benny hill and Are you Being Served…we’ll just show crock shits of that. they’ll love it.”
or if it was all, “dang, i can’t understand what the people in these shows are saying…let’s just play the antiques and the benny hill…i love that show! oh, and Who’s Line is it Anyway? i mean, we already have that one…but hey, it never gets old!”

yes. yes it does.

there is a show called My Husband is Gay. i shit you not. i’m sure we’d have that show over here, but i wonder what they’d have to call it. because really we have the same exact reality shows over here, but they’re just called different things. like the antiques roadshow over there is called cash in the attic. hell’s kitchen over there is called masterchef goes large. what not to wear is called…well, it’s called what not to wear.

there’s a show on TLC called Little People Big World about a midget family. i’ve not watched it, but i’ve always meant to. i wonder what they’d call it over there, Midgies? the Wee Ones?

television. honestly.

meanwhile, in real life:
i have to paint today. i thought i’d get a whole week off of painting, but no. i’m painting at the HCH so it’s still better than painting off by myself, but i was looking forward to giving my shoulder a break.

i’ve been meaning to take a picture of my new glasses, but really just find a pic of barbara starr and there you go.
hmm.

i made fried chicken the other night. i used my 20lb Emeril Cast Iron Grill Pan Skillet Thing (on Amazon they say it’s 7lbs. they lie.) hee, grillet. anyway, i don’t mean to brag or anything…but that was some damn good fried chicken. ask cookie, she’ll tell you. she’ll say, “dang! jaimie’s danged ol’ fried cheeckin was dang good!” it was the best i’ve ever made and i really believe it had to do with using cast iron instead of the frying pan i usually use. word!

tonight i try my hand at making cornbread…not in the grillet though…i think it would stick inside the grill things. i’ve got a small round iron skillet i got from a dead guy. i’ll use that.

i’ll let you know how it turns out.

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9.27.06

Category: dribblings

this job sucks. my back and shoulder are in hate with me at the moment. i should finish up this deck today so maybe that will  help although i won’t get any days off between jobs, and that’s a bummer.

***

my boss called the other day all worried and sad about a stray cat hanging around the HCH. so in a moment of weakness i told her i’d swing by and get the cat.

what?! this is karmic justice at it’s finest. just ask liz.

so i brought it home in the jeep. then i called the Cat Whisperer, chris, and he came over and charmed the thing. it even took a crap in the litter box and covered it up. however, it has to be an outside kitty because i have an inside kitty, and toonces was none too pleased with the cute wittle beast.

so i fed it and it’s been hanging around and i made a vet appointment for it (must! remove! gonads!) and now i can’t find the gd shitbag. of all the stupid dumbhole things. i hate cats. especially cute, starving, extremely playful and sweet, stray shitbag kittens.

hell, i don’t want another cat. at all. but i’d at least like to get that one fixed so’s i know that whatever happens to it, who ever it does settle down with, i know it won’t be having catfightsex. as uncle dan says, “sex makes babies.” therefore catfightsex makes unwanted, feral, damn nuisance kittens.

i’m trying to be responsible!

***

florrie, i used my dutch oven on monday. i made your CHICKEN! CORN! CHOWDER! and everyone loved it, of course, because it’s the best food on the planet. RESULT!

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9.24.06

Category: dribblings

this morning i got to play with mr. finlayson’s worship team. it was so much fun. i love getting to play bass. i STILL don’t feel very comfortable with it, but i think it’s just cos i know so many great bass players…well, one great bass player anyway…and i’m not even in the same ballpark. but still! fun!

***

jimmy did dishes today. i told him he gets Dude Points for that. he (with some help from dad) also managed to get our new 32 inch flat panel television set mounted to the wall. shut up.
i know.

i made the mistake of saying something stupid like, “look, if you’re going to get a goddamn giant flat tv like on the commercials? then you’ve got to run the outlet and the cable behind it because i WILL NOT HAVE ugly cables hanging down the wall to the the cable thingy and the plug. they never show you that shit on the commercials, but you KNOW people buy those horrible things and then have ugly damn cables hanging down and i WILL NOT HAVE IT.”

i figured that would keep him from getting one for a few months. holy shit was i wrong. because what he heard was, “if you fix it so’s i don’t see any cables by all means go and buy a giant honking plasma tv.” so i get home one day and there’s an outlet and a cable hook-up right in the middle of the wall.

lucky for me, plasma tvs are really big (we couldn’t find one smaller than 37 inches, the hell?), and we didn’t need a big tv for the bedroom. so much to jimmy’s chagrin we got an LCD flat panel blah blah blah. we spent over an hour in Rex trying to figure out which one was the best, which one had the best picture quality, etc. finally i said, “jimmy, it’s not like any of this matters…it’s the tv in the bedroom. all we watch in there is cartoons. all this high res mumbojumbo won’t even matter. as long as Peter’s pants are green we’re okay.”

we decided, after my inner-jew popped up and said a few things, to get the one on sale because it was 7 inches bigger and $200 cheaper than the 26 inch ones. which made no sense to me. jimmy said it was because it didn’t have good resolution. i said that i didn’t care as long as it wasn’t on sale because they break or something. cos if this tv breaks? heads are going to roll.

anyway, long, boring, sweaty story short:
we have a tv on the wall of our bedroom…just like on tv.

worst part:
i fucking love it.

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9.19.06

Category: dribblings

we’ve had an electrician out to the house to update some of the outlets as NOTHING in this place is grounded. which doesn’t bother me, but jimmy is all, “wah! my computer blah blah blah.” so, new wiring.

PS: NEW WIRING IS A BIT COSTLY. and i’m just talking about the wire that’s not including labor.

****

i’m standing as i type this because the computer chair is being used for something else. jimmy just walked by, rapid-fire spanked my bottom, said, “fanny patrol.” and walked on.

the hell?

****

today i HANDWASHED three decks. as in, on my hands and knees scrubbing with a brush. i used Tide instead of bleach. and actually, it was not slippery. bleach on wood=slippery deathtrap. Tide on wood=freshly laundered deck. my back is killing me. my knees? not so bad, i used knee pads. RESULT!

****

mom and dad’s new wikkle keekat is named Shenanigans. she’s finally starting to come out from under the couch and play.

***

my new eyeglasses don’t make me look like Harry Potter BUT NOT FOR THE EYEDOCTOR’S UNDERLING’S LACK OF TRYING. i told the lady, “i don’t care about namebrand frames but the frames MUST NOT BE ROUNDY AND BLACK FOR I WILL LOOK LIKE HARRY POTTER.”
she said, “okay.” and proceeded to hand me pair after pair of round black framed glasses. the first pair she handed over i looked at her all, “um, obviously these are ROUND and also WITH THE HEAVY BLACK FRAME.” but to humor her i put them on, looked in the mirror and said to her, “see? Harry Potter.”

she laughed.

then handed me ANOTHER PAIR JUST LIKE THEM. i did the only thing i could, the only thing any normal person would do.
i killed her.

anyblah, the frames i got are kinda dorky in a ’50s housefrau way, BUT NOT ROUND. EAT IT, BITCH.

***

my cell phone has bit the dust. it’s turning itself off and doing random bullshit like that. it’s driving me crazy. does anyone out there have one of the new motorolla PEBLs? are they worth it? are they bullshit i don’t need? i saw one that was orange and that’s why i wanted it. i know. so unlike me. “oooo pretty. i want it!” i’m usually more controlled than that. so anyway, if you call me and can’t get me it’s probably cos i lovingly placed my phone beneath the jeep’s tire and backed over it.

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9.12.06

Category: dribblings

wow, i’ve really been slacking in my postings, huh? well, gimmie a break. i’m married now. i’m doing a lot of what newlywed womens do at the beginning of their marriage:

i’m learning how to live with a dude while trying not to  
A. lose my mind or
B. commit murder.

i know he wasn’t raised in Russia by wolves and/or potatoes because i’ve actually met his family, multiple times, and he doesn’t have a heavy Russian accent. but his “laundry proceedure” is absolutely uncipherable. aside from the fact that he folds up his DIRTY socks to look JUST LIKE the clean ones, (“are these socks dirty?”
“um, where were they?”
“rolled up together by the bed.”
“on the floor?”
“yes.”
“then yes, they’re dirty.”
“HOW DO YOU KNOW? THEY LOOK LIKE THE CLEAN ONES ON THE DRESSER!”
“but they were on the floor.”) there’s the thing where he hangs his dirty t-shirts on hangers. what? but why?
“didn’t you wear this shirt yesterday?”
“which one is it?”
“the spam one.”
“oh yeah!”
“well, what’s it doing on a hanger? are you going to wear it again?”
“no, it’s dirty.”
“…on a hanger?”
“but it’s hanging in the bathroom.”
“and that equals dirty?”
“sometimes.”

and that’s when my brain explodes.

there are currently three pair of shorts, two pair of boxers, and some briefs slung on a rod in the bathroom/laundryroom. i have NO IDEA what is dirty and/or what is still wearable BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL FOLDED UP, but i know, KNOW, that they aren’t all clean because he hasn’t washed any clothes. and what is killing me is that it’s not like i hide the goddamn laundry basket. it’s right there. on the floor. next to his rolled up socks which may or may not be dirty.

and don’t hear that i’m bitching that he doesn’t do laundry, i’m not. trust me, i’m not an idiot. he was raised in the south. the southern mamas don’t let their baby boys do laundry. oh no. only communist hags expect men to help with things like laundry and dish washing.
and i don’t actually mind doing laundry (STOP! COLLABORATE AND LISTEN! I DO NOT IRON ANYTHING. I DON’T EVEN OWN AN IRON. AND DO NOT BUY ME ONE.) but what i do mind is having to THINK about laundry “is this clean? did he wear this? i know he has underwear…but where IS IT?”

aside from separating lights from darks…i don’t want to have to solve laundry puzzles, and the Dirty Laundry Egg Hunt is shenanigans that i don’t play.

IT PUTS THE LAUNDRY IN THE BASKET!

and yes, i realize that i’ve lived by myself for a while and i need to chillax while i learn to adjust living with this CAVEMAN FROM THE MOON.

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9.09.06

Category: dribblings

mom and dad have a new kitty cat (keekat)! she doesn’t have a name yet. she’s a black keekat. she kinda sucks so far because she won’t come out and play. she just hides all day.

on cat names:

It’s an interesting fact that fewer than 17 % of Real cats end their lives with the same name they started with. Much family effort goes into selecting one at the start (“She looks like a Winnifred to me“), and the as the years roll by it suddenly finds itself being called Meepo or Ratbag.

– Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat
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9.06.06

Category: dribblings

today is leetle brahther’s birthday. he’s 26.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEETLE BRAHTHER!

***

i bought some flea spray for Rox (rawlks, hee) and it’s called Sentry Natural Defense. i just wanted something that would help with the flea drops that we put on her skin because while those work for a while…they don’t actually work for a whole month (in my experience) and i hate to see the poor girl scratch. so i got that special organic “natural” voodoo kind thinking, “meh. it won’t work but whatever.” well, it actually works. i’ve noticed a big difference. and bonus? it smells good. i guess it should, it’s peppermint, cinnamon, lemongrass, thyme, and clove oils. it’s a bit strong but at least it doesn’t smell like chemical poison. i figured with all those flavors she would draw ants…but so far so good.

she hates it, but she’s not scratching. i’m not sure if she’s putting two and two together.

***

you should go to laura’s site and checkout the fleegan desktop and the sweet wedding fleegans! she’s so clever sometimes it’s actually painful.

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9.13.06

Category: dribblings

i went to the eye doctor today. it was way past time for me to go. i’m sure we all remember the last time i went? hm? no? just me? fine. refresh your memories.

i’m not sure what it is about going to the eye doctor that turns me into a completely different person, but for some reason i do. i turn into a loquacious dork who fears pain (no wait, same person) and every other thing out of my mouth is, “i’ve notived that lately? when i’m working? my eyes start to- oh hey, whateryou doing? is this going to hurt?”

i went to a different eye doc today because the last one was…well, you read about it. it was stupid. this time? it was MUCH better. it was better because FIRST OF ALL they didn’t dilate my pupils and THEN ask me to pick out frames. SECONDLY, the eye doc was really personable and she talked as much as i did. THIRDLY, she answered all my questions in ways that i could understand them, “well, basically, you have two eyes, and they’re awesome.” FORTHILY, she asked if i would paint her house. FILTHY, (hee) she seemed REALLY concerned when i told her that glaucoma runs on both sides of my family. so much so that she’s sending me to a specialist.
“um, but aren’t you…a specialist?”
“well, yes. but i don’t have the $40,000 machine that the other guy has.”
“ah.”
“yeah.”
that is HONESTY, people.

plus she was like, magic.
at one point she was all, “a or b? 1 or 2? a or 2? ah, the computer suggested your left eye was weaker.”
what computer? i didn’t…you didn’t…what?

and then she was looking into my eyes with a laser beam that shoots liquid hell light beams straight into the sensitive light hole in my eye and she says, “do you have allergies?”
“hm? me? no, never. i’ve never been allergic to things.”
“well, your eyes have allergies in them right now.”
“oh, well actually…my eyes have been itching like crazy the last two days.”
“…and you don’t have allergies?”
“well, i’ve…actually, i’ve never thought about it before.”
“you don’t think itchy eyes-”
“i mean, i don’t have ALLERGIES like where my world is ending because i’m ALLERGIC to natural air and i have to shoot spray liquid up my nose and use an inhaler to breathe for me and oh god whoa is me is that GRASS and TREES? GOD HATES ME kind of allergies.”
“…”
“oh hell, do you have those allergies?”
“no! no, but i know those people.”
“yeah me too, poor bastards.”
“but your eyes are itchy and that’s not good.”
“well, honestly they itch a lot but i think it’s cos i paint. i’m in a different environment all the time and my eyes feel gunky and itchy at the end of the day.”
she gave me some eyedrops. RESULT!

i am a little anxious about the specialist eye exam, but i’ve talked with my other leetle brahther, PJ, who works for an ophthomologist in ohio and he explained what tests they would probably do and it doesn’t sound too bad. until he got to the part about vegetable dye. he was all, “they get a needle and inject vegetable dye-”
“what?! a needle?!”
“yeah and then-”
“a needle in MY EYE?!”
“no! they inject it in your arm and the dye somehow gets to your eye.”
“oh really?”
“yeah.”
“so no needle in my eye?”
“no!”
“okay, well a needle in the arm i can handle.”

totally.  needle in the arm? nothing. no. thing.
but try to put a couple of drops in my eye? i become a whiny, pain-feeling baby, like those poor allergy freaks.

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9.04.06

Category: dribblings


it’s true. we are now mr. and mrs. fleegan! i’m an old married hag now.

i can only assume that hell is in the process of freezing over and that the four horsemen are saddling up their death steeds to bring along the apocalypse. i hope you’ve been stocking up water supplies and have your escape plan ready.

*** 

we stayed at this fancy hotel in chattanooga called the Read House. it was tres glammy fancy. when we got to the room the porter guy was unloading our bags from the rolly cart and he set down mr. fleegan’s toiletries bag a little too hard and something started buzzing.

“is that your cell phone?” i asked.

“no. i don’t-“

“what the hell? what is that? is that in your bag?”

the porter looked uncomfortable as he stood there waiting for his tip that jimmy was getting out of his wallet as i continued to wonder about the sound.

“geez, that’s loud what is that? IS THAT A VIBRATOR?!”

the porter took his money and ran.

“no, i think it’s my electric shaver. the button must’ve been hit on something.”

“oh. hee! that dude totally has a story now!”

“wow. and we’ve only been here five minutes.”

***

“hey, i just heard that the Crocodile Hunter died.”

“no kidding?”

“nope. you wanna guess how?”

“i’m gonna go out on a limb here and say…crocodile?”

“nope. stingray.”

“no shit? that’s odd.”

“yep.”

“does that count as “natural” causes?”

“that’s cold.”

“two words buddy: snack cracker.”

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