2.21.06

Category: dribblings

we are back from TN. it was a great time. the kids had a blast. i think their favorite part was the pool table in the chalet. pool tables make awesome baby-sitters. they wouldn’t leave it.
we went to the aquarium on sunday. it was pretty cool. i thought it was better than the one in new orleans.

i guess my favorite part of the trip was the White Trash Sledding (as mom called it). Flippy and i took turns hurling our bodies down the side of a stump-filled hill on a galvanized trashcan lid. the only bad part is the bottom of the hill (Suicide Hill) is an eight foot drop off onto the street. so you had to aim (note i did not say steer, for there was no way to steer the lid. you had to aim and pray.) for the woodpile, the tree, or roll off the lid in time to not plow off the bank to your most certain hospital injury.
we did this roughly 500 times.
the kids did it twice.
we thought they were the crazy ones not to have some fun on the “sled” but then we figured that hey, it is actually scary. and we are actually idiots.

we went back out two hours later and did it 900 more times, but by then the snow was icy crunchy and the sled gultches we had made were so slick and dangerous that we decided to make a new path. straight into the woodpile. it was fast. it was fun.
but now we both have bruises. mine’s green now! and also i’ve manage to hurt something in my shoulder/collarbone area. it mainly hurts if i bend over or lay down. i can still use my arm. but when i lay down it hurts so bad. what on earth could that be?
i hope it doesn’t screw up my awful bowling average.

Leave a Comment | Permalink

2.17.06

Category: dribblings

i’m leaving this afternoon to go to Gatlinburg, TN (gooooood ol’ FLOPPY TOP). i’m going with three other adults and 4 pre-pubescent kids. 3 boys and 1 girl. a pre-youth group, if you will, and you will.
pray for us. for me. for me that i don’t curse like a sailor. that i don’t teach these kids bad words on accident, “who’s the douchebag pukefart that drank my last diet coke?! i’ll fucking murder you!”
not that i think a bunch of kids will drink my diet coke, but you get the idea. i hear we will play uno. this could be bad.
“the next mutant to lay a gadam Draw Four on my ass will find out what it feels like to have my foot up their ass.”
“stop crying! you big baby.”
i’m not around 11 year olds too often.
do 11 year olds say douche bag?

*

before jimmy left last night i gave him a hug, then i put my ear up to his ear and said, “i’m listening to what you’re thinking.”
he immediately started a homer simpson-esque inner monologue of “boobies…boobies…boobies…boobies.”

i, of course, laughed.

*

“which one of you buckfutting turdholes skipped me?! i’ll cut your head off with this blue 2! i’ll do it! what?! yeah. go ahead and play that green reverse. it’ll be the last thing you do before i shove those doritos into your eye holes. STOP! CRYING! little bitch.”
hee. i’m really not that bad with kids.
it’s the uno that brings it out in me.

does anyone need a babysitter? i’m looking to make some extra money. i’ll watch the little pukes precious darlings for ya.

Leave a Comment | Permalink

2.14.06

Category: dribblings

happy balentime’s day.

i found two post-it notes on the floor of the elevator at work today. they are so awesome. i thought of OT and how much she would’ve loved to find two awesome post-its like these. (wow. i just made it sound like OT is dead. and retarded.) (she is neither of these.) (but i am cracking myself up now thinking about OT being a dead retard. not in a bad way (hee) but in a, “oh, the poor thing would’ve LOVED these crazy pieces of trash i found on the elevator. i miss her. she gave the best hugs.”)*
they were the small yellow squares that are so very popular.
they have lists scrawled on them in black ink. very bad handwriting, the kind that an old person might have because they can’t see so well anymore.
one is a grocery list and one is a “to do” list.
list 1:
Salmon
Talapia
Biscuit
milk
Bread
fruit
Cabbage
Top an Crackers
Cisco Oil
Pam
Dish Spoons

it was interesting to me that they did not capitalize milk and fruit. and apparently, they didn’t get bread. also, what is a dish spoon? i’ve never heard of this. i live under a rock.

Leave a Comment | Permalink

Tags:

2.13.06

Category: dribblings

earlier this afternoon i get a phone call from Mr. Fleegan:
me: hello?
him: hey, what are you doing?
me: i’m driving home, you?
him: i just pooped at your house.
me: did it flush?
him: i hope so.
me: only reason i ask is ‘cos i pooped this morning and stopped up the toilet. i had to plunge.
him: bragger.i love him so much.

these plungers are ‘space age’, like Tang.


stoopid faggot chinese plungers, WTF?

Leave a Comment | Permalink

Tags:

2.12.06

Category: dribblings

wow, it’s been 4 days? sorry. i’ve lost all track of time. it’s sudoku. it’s stealing my soul. and my blog time. obviously. my best time now is 3 minutes and 27 seconds. TATDOW! or as i say now, TATOKU!
not to be confused with yoko!jackamoko!toto! which is what i yell when i’m driving behind a bad driver.

anyway, i had this dream a couple of weeks ago and i’ve been meaning to share it with you guys because it is so bizarre.
it is a sex dream, of course. well, not really. i mean, we were both naked but not doing it.
so, i’m in the bedroom with my boyfriend, Thor.
yes. THE thor. the hammer god or whatev from Norse myth.
yeah.
i know.
i know.
so anyway we’re getting ready for bed, and i say something like, “hey Thor, what are you doing tomorrow?” or something like that. and he says, “Bruce.”
“what?”
“i told you to call me Bruce.”
“honey, you’re Thor.”
“yeah, but i want to be called Bruce. call me Bruce.”
“what? no! everyone knows you’re Thor. i’m not calling you Bruce.”
“why do you do this? everytime i ask you to call me Bruce we have the same arguement!”
“because! it’s ridiculous! your name? isn’t Bruce! it’s THOR!”
“but i-”
“you have The Hammer for pete’s sake! how are you going to explain that to people you introduce yourself to as “Bruce”?”
“that’s none of their-”
“you know what? i’m not sleeping with half a fag anymore.”

it ends up with me getting kicked out of Valhalla. which, i have no idea how i got there in the first place seeing as how i didn’t die in battle.

i had a dream the other night where i was fighting with a lion and the lion pulled out a blow gun and shot me with a dart and he said, “ha! i’ve just injected you with heroine.”
and then i was all high and feeling euphoric, but i knew he was about to kill me and i was all, “crap, i know he’s going to kill me, but i just can’t seem to care…or move. this is awesome.” and the lion, he was really skinny and sick looking and was also on two legs, he says, “ha! you’re so weak. how does it feel?” and i felt awesome, but i knew i should be mad because he cheated and i said, “that’s dirty pool!” and giggled.
then he killed me.

Leave a Comment | Permalink

Tags:

2.08.06

Category: dribblings

Jury Monkey is now back to being Paint Monkey. i’m a bit disappointed that i didn’t get to do anything on jury duty. people told me to bring a book and i did, but i didn’t read it because it was pretty loud in the room. so i mostly sat by myself and worked on a stack of sudoku puzzles.
the people around me thought i was some kind of genius.
“what’s that?”
“oh, it’s a puzzle, and-”
“is it math?”
“um, no. not like-”
“is it a crossword puzzle but with math?”
“no it’s just numbers…i mean, really, you could make these puzzles with letters or shapes or colors or anything as long as there are 9 different shapes or whatever.”
“oh.”

“is she doing math?”
“i think so.”
sigh.

and to the crazy, religious, gigantic, black man who sat behind me:
WHAT?!
also, not only was i sick of hearing the word Jesus by the end of the day, but Jesus was sick of you talking about him. well, not really, but he did wish you had made more sense. and, while i have your attention (because you talked non-fucking-stop the whole time) what is your deal with the telescope? do you really believe that “they” are building a telescope that can see into heaven? like, heaven heaven?
what.

to people who talk to obviously crazy people every day:
stop making stuff up. they believe you and it just perpetuates the crazy. look, i feel you. i do. i want to tell Crazy Margaret things all the time. but i don’t. i control the urge to lie to the crazy person. if i can do it, you can do it.

Leave a Comment | Permalink

Tags:

2.16.06

Category: dribblings

my friends and i don’t really text each other a lot. however, i had several text messages on my phone that i had not deleted and some go back to last september. yikes. here’s some of the text messages i deleted off my phone today:
Poopy head
-my brother

Frozen pop tarts really are quite badass!
-my brother

where’s MY mule?
-my brother

we saw lola!
-laura

12345 678910 11 12
-fellykish

Back to the dursleys!
-laura

you’re a bitch! are u with your parents?
– fellykish

colon blow?
-laura

tree top breaker
-my brother

So it is written, so let it be done.
-chris

i will stop by on my way home from work. whoreface.
-fellykish

it’s a random bag o’ fun, it is!

Leave a Comment | Permalink

Tags:

1.30.06

Category: dribblings

i’ve been working on getting Toonces Whorecat and Roxy to be friends. Kaze still barks when she sees Toonces so that one’s going to be more tricky. anyway, Rox and Toonce are at the point to where Rox doesn’t act all, “OMG! what is THAT?! can i have it?!” she just mostly sniffs the Tooncer and wants to play with her. Toonces, bless it, she has stopped making that deep throated catgrowl, and only rarely hisses. she does still bop Rox on the nose but it’s not hard and the claws aren’t out and it’s kind of like she’s playing.
kind of.
can you believe that? i mean, the Woodlaysons brought a kitten over last year and Toonces ran and pitched a giant fit about it. but a gigantic dog? she’s semi-okay with it.
cats.
honestly.

Leave a Comment | Permalink

Tags: ,

1.29.06

Category: dribblings

this morning i played on liz’z worship team. i really enjoy playing bass on her team, i guess it’s ‘cos it’s the only time i get to play bass anymore. playing bass is the easy part and worshiping is the hard part. (i had to look up worshiping to make sure i spelled it right. it can go either way, worshipping or worshiping. neat-o, huh?) it’s tons easier for me to worship if i know how the songs go ‘cos then i’m not all, “shit! i should’ve played a B there!”, hee. liz is pretty good about picking out at least some songs that i’ve heard, and so i get to play ones i know and learn other ones. it’s a good system. (goodfellas)

my li’l bro’s band, Ivalee, is playing in Chattanooga Feb. 25th.
let’s go! wouldn’t it be cool to make a night of it?! he says they are the opening band, so i’d assume (uh oh, ass. you. me.) that they wouldn’t go on too late or play really long. could be fun.

in random nerd bragging:
my best time at sudoku is 3 minutes and 52 seconds, which let’s face it, is four minutes. but it sounds way faster if you say 3 minutes and 52 seconds. i like to pretend that i’m a genius and that when i solve them that i’ve deciphered a secret code from the enemy. i’m not sure which enemy. my imagination hasn’t gone that far into it yet. however, it has gotten to the point where i see the puzzles when i close my eyes.

Leave a Comment | Permalink

Tags:

1.28.06

Category: dribblings

with all the crazy things that have been going on in january, and so far january is sucking greatly, i totally forgot about the baseball hall of fame.
i know!
turns out, Bruce Sutter was the only HoF winner this year. i’m thrilled he won. he was the only one on that list that made sense. (well, jim rice too). the list is filled with great, steady, ballplayers. and by steady i mean consistent. they played very well most of the time. but have you actually looked at the list ? it’s kind of modcore. i’m glad that the first three (Sutter, Rice, and Gossage) were the first three because that shows that the writers at least have a brain. but why was Dave Parker in the middle? (was it the cocaine?) and hello? Alan Trammell got 16 more votes than Parker?
racists.
kidding!
i’m just saying, Parker has more hits, a better lifetime BA, and didn’t spend most his time on the disabled list.
burn!
now i DO think it’s awesome and amazing that Trammell played his whole career for Detroit. i love that kind of thing.
enough baseball blog! but i do kind of want XM Radio so i can listen to all the day games while i paint. but also, i don’t really want to pay for radio. but really, it would be so cool to get to listen to all the games. any game! ‘cos right now, all i really get are the Braves’ day games on the local AM station. which, i mean, it’s not that Skip Carey does a bad job or anything, it’s more that i don’t care about the Braves.do any of you out there have satellite radio? it seems like XM has the monopoly of MLB, it looks like Sirius has no MLB…is this true? that’s weird. anyone? talk to me. you can post at the forum or just e-mail me pickle@fleegan.com

anyway, enough baseball. look at this picture i found on the internet:
is she a giant? or is the baby just really fucking small?

is it sweet? or really disturbing?

 

Leave a Comment | Permalink

Tags:

← Previous Page — Next Page →