Another story about me. on drugs.

Category: dribblings

The other night Mr. Fleegan and I moved some furniture around and did some deep spring cleaning. When I went to bed my back was all, “And just what in Hell were you thinking?! Don’t you remember how bad I hurt two weeks ago? And you pull this kinda thing? DUMBASS.” My back is kind of verbally abusive.

So I got up and took some of the left over pain medicine I had from two weeks ago. Then I went to sleep.

A couple of hours later I woke up from a nightmare. I was scared and so I turned on the TV to watch some cartoons. But I was kind of out of it too, you know? Well the channel wasn’t cartoons it was MLB Network. So I was all that’s fine let’s see what we’re watching. But it was commercials, and it was for some kind of workout machine. Maybe for sit-ups? But then my drugged brain started to trick me and it turned the excersice machine into a machine that would make you do a pitcher’s wind-up. And that was the exercise. And you could program in different pitchers like Luis Tiant, Bob Feller, Juan Marichal, Fernando Valenzuela. Worse exercise machine ever.

So then in my brain I’m all, “Wait, this isn’t real. This is not a real commercial. You are hallucinating! Oh God! You’re not safe! Don’t move!” and I panicked. And then I thought, “This is why you don’t do drugs. You’re not one of the Fun Ones. You’re one of the panicky, paranoid ones that ruins everyone else’s buzz.”

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9. In the Time of Bobby Cox: The Atlanta Braves, Their Manager, My Couch, Two Decades, and Me by Lang Whitaker

Category: 50 Books

First of all, this isn’t a book about Bobby Cox or the Atlanta Braves. It’s a memoir where these two things are featured. And the book points this out first thing, so it’s not like you’re being duped into reading it.

It was an okay read. It would be like if I wrote about being a Yankees fan and also shared parts of my life. See? Kind of boring unless you’re one of my friends or family. That’s the problem with this book.

Also, the ending. There’s really not one. I bet the author really struggled with the ending, not with the writing, but with coming up with something to end on.

If you like memoirs, maybe give this one a shot. It’s short.

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Spring Training

Category: dribblings

So. There’s 12 days left til Opening Day. I don’t know if you keep up with spring training or not, um, yes I do, you don’t. I don’t usually. Mostly because it’s not on TV very much, and it’s just practice. But this year I’ve noticed that they are showing more games on TV. Also, I purchased the MLB.TV so’s I can watch all the regular season on my computer and not have to tie up the TV every night of the week. Last year we did the DirecTv MLB thing, and it was twice as much in price as this MLB.TV.

And maybe you’re thinking that watching a three hour ballgame at your computer desk sounds painful and lame. Well, I can pipe it to the PS3 and watch that shit in HD from a comfy chair in another room. BOOSH. Did I mention it was half the price? DOUBLE BOOSH.

Anyway, I was talking about spring training. You can watch spring training games on MLB.TV. And at first it was awesome because they bring in not just the regular players but also a ton of kids from minor ball. So the first couple of innings they let the regulars play, then they bring in the rookies and it’s all Bad News Bears. So much fun to watch. Then a couple weeks into it they send the rookies back to wherever and the regulars get to play more. And you’d think that the Yankees, after sending the kids back to the bush league, would be winning more games. Or winning A game. but no. The Yanks have lost like, that last 5 games? They are 8 and 12 and they’re right above the ChiSox.

But hey, it’s spring training and the standings are meaningless. I’ll give you an example of how meaningless they are: right now the Royals are in first.

HA.

So here’s my thought, and hope, the Yankees are sandbagging it. They’re merely acting all old and injured and slow to fake everyone out. And come April they’re gonna blow it all up and be all, “Who you calling old now, bitches?!”

In other news: I wish Posada would have retired. He’s not that good of a hitter. I mean, he wasn’t last year anyway. I predict he will not be a great DH.

Also, the Yanks only have two pitchers. This will be the team’s failing, pitching.

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6 – 8. The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins

Category: 50 Books

I’m not going to get too deep here with these books because they’re still popular and I’d hate to spoil anything.

These books are like The Running Man + Survivor (the TV show, not the ’70s rock group) + The Lord of the Flies + something else (but I forget what I wanted to put here. Was it Star Wars?)

The Hunger Games was really good. Great story, great pacing, compelling page-turner. Read this one and then stop, if you can.

Catching Fire was more of the same, still page-turning but it had a cliff-hanger ending that really did nothing for the book.

Mockingjay was redundant times three, and way too long. The ending to the whole thing was fine. I had no problems with the ending (I didn’t care who she ended up with, to be honest. I just wanted the whole damn thing to end.)

All of these books were DARK. Super dark. I mean, the whole premise is kids having to kill each other for entertainment. I’m not sure we can get much darker.

And now for ten (9) things: WARNING: SPOILERS.

10. These books are filled, FILLED, with the mental and physical torture of children. I felt guilty for reading them, really.

9.  I really liked Katniss. UNTIL I DIDN’T. The author kind of beats her with a dead horse.

8. I really liked Peeta. UNTIL I DIDN’T. See above.

7. There are 6,000 characters in these books.

6. There is no number six. If there were a number six it would be about Katniss’s mother.

5. I liked the superficiality of the Capitol versus the blue-collar Districts thing that went on. It really added some “comedy” to this tragedy.

4. The President Snow thing, was fine. There, of course, needs to be a bad guy. The President Coin thing? Was too much. (I’m not saying that that’s not how it would be in real life. I mean, our own presidential elections are really just pick who you think will be less evil, right?) This added nothing to the book, it made the ending more complicated, and it was rushed. The author could leave Coin as a lesser-of-two-evils, which is realistic, and the ending would have been much tighter.

3. So much torture and murder. I feel gross. The extreme mental torture and damage to these kids is just… ugh. It’s not fun to read.

2. Near the end (oh my gosh Mockingjay had so many near-endings.) when the five or six of them are voting on whether or not to exact justice on the Capitol by making them have a Hunger Games every year, and Katniss votes yes? For Prim? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? So then the vote is yea. But then… later on in the ending… it isn’t? What? Then why even have that vote? it’s sloppy and unnecessary and should have been edited.

1. Prim dies anyway. Well, fuck you too.

The Hunger Games gets 2 Cansecos and the other two get 50. Oh wait. I’m doing Roxy heads now. That’s different.

The Hunger Games gets four Roxies:

The other two books still get 50 Cansecos:

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I’ve been lazy.

Category: dribblings

squirrel05 
I’m sorry. I haven’t been posting any pictures lately.  Will you forgive me?

After my hard drive crashed (and I lost all my pictures forever) I sort of got disenchanted with the picture taking. Plus it’s been raining since forever and I’ve not been out in the woods as much as I’d like. I’m trying to get back into the swing of things.

If you go to the park with Roxie and me you may be embarrassed because I take my camera. And maybe you get even more embarrassed (Justin) when you’re with me and, while in the parking lot, I start to follow a killdeer because:

1. It’s hilarious that they lead you away from their nests and

2. I wonder how far it will go?

killdeer03 

Also, if you ever go with me to the park, or anywhere outside really, and I have my camera, don’t be surprised when I start swearing at whatever bird I’m trying to take a picture of. Those nervous bastards move a lot. If you hear me say, “Quit being an asshole!” chances are I’m not talking to you, but to the dumbass woodpecker who keeps ducking to the shady side of the tree trunk.

If, on the other hand, I’m making eye-contact with you and say, “Quit being an asshole!” Then you should stop being an asshole.

When I come home I’ll download the pictures I’ve taken and will try to immediately delete the really bad pictures: too dark, too light, too blurry, too stupid. But sometimes I’ll find that I’ve taken a picture of a bird and it chose that moment to fly or flap it’s wings. There’s something about these pictures; I just can’t get rid of them.
But what do you do with those?

I made a flickr set and called it Blurds. (Get it?)

blurds06 
This blueblurd has a bug in it’s mouth.

I really like the shapes of the birds and the splayed feathers.

blurds12 

This does NOT mean that I like birds or anything. I mean, as an artist I can appreciate the shapes and colors and whatnot, right?

I still think birds are filthy and brainless and jerks. Except of course birds of prey. They are still badasses.

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New List I Found on the Library Floor

Category: dribblings

I found a wadded up piece of paper on the library floor. Of course I opened it up to see what was on it. This is always a crapshoot as sometimes it’s chewed gum.

Lucky day, it was a list, written I assume, by a 5th or 6th grader. It reads:

Lidrary
Stuff

blood
tornado
farming
Snakes
pilgrims
blackplage
horses
fashion, kids

Note to parents: your kid can spell fashion but not library or plague.

Plague is kind of a toughie.

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Beef Stewsday

Category: dribblings

My leetle brahther informed me yesterday that today is Beef Stewsday at his house. I told him I was gonna steal that. But lo, here I am giving credit.

*****

INSTANT HEART ATTACK

My husband woke me up at 6:30 this morning by saying, “Hey Jaimie, did we pay property taxes last year?”

My eyes shot open. “OF COURSE WE PAID PROPERTY TAXES LAST YEAR.” And I jumped out of bed and ran to the sacred Yellow File Folder of Holding where I keep Every Important Piece of Paper. “WHO SAID WE DIDN’T PAY? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?” I asked while frantically flipping through oil change receipts, utility stubs, tax junk, and other ephemera from as far back as 2004.

“Oh, no. I was just wondering if that’s something we put on our income tax.”

“So um, no one is trying to steal our house by claiming we haven’t paid our property taxes?”

“No. Have you noticed that our house gets appraised higher each year so that they can- what’s wrong with your eyes? Do you have a gun? Where-”

The dream I was having before I was so rudely interrupted? I was at a wedding where David Bowie and Mick Jagger were the wedding singers. And David Bowie wanted ME to autograph a plank of wood FOR HIM, not with a pen or Sharpie, but WITH A KNIFE.

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Up House for Alex

Category: dribblings

Hey Joanie! Check it out. National Geographic spent money on making a house float in the air with balloons! And there are pictures!

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spring training

Category: dribblings

I’ve had some days off and some drugs (for my back nerve that’s being a shit) and ESPN and MLB Network have shown a handful of spring training games. Normally, I’d think watching spring training games to be boring. Mostly because it doesn’t count, and also because they play the 2nd  and 3rd strings. It’s like watching minor league ball. Which, I enjoy, but I’d rather watch it live and not on TV.

If you’re on drugs (and even if you’re not, I guess) watching spring training games is like watching The Bad News Bears play The Bad News Bears.

Also, because I’m a nerd, I was watching an Angels game (I forget who they were playing (read: “playing”) at the time.) streaming on the computer (MLB.TV) and the commentators? No idea. One guy was a retired umpire and the other guy was, I dunno, a janitor they grabbed at the last minute? Lots of pauses. Is what I’m saying. And that’s not a bad thing, really. I think the commentators talk too much anyway, but since I was streaming this on the computer I kept thinking I had lost the audio. d’oh!

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The Druggening: Day Two

Category: dribblings

If you’re wondering what happened to The Druggening: Day One, I took  the drugs BEFORE writing a post.

On Saturday I noticed that my hip was hurting a bit. As the day went on it got worse. It was a constant sharp pain. Sunday? The same. Monday? The same. Tuesday? Worse. I say it got worse on Tuesday because before that I could walk with no pain. In fact, walking and standing were easy. It was sitting and laying down that was causing all the pain. But Tuesday came and with it all pain with everything. And all this time I was eating ibuprofen like jellybeans. mmmm, jellybeans.

Jaimie’s Personal Scale of Pain:

1 – 5, meh.

6 – I’ll mention it to someone.

7 – I’ll complain about it.

8 – bad enough to go to the doctor, but I’ll probably wait until

9 – it makes me cry.

10 – I don’t know. natural childbirth? gunshot wound? gum surgery?

I cried about it Tuesday night. The crying was more out of frustration than pain. But since the pain caused the frustration, pain = cry = 9.  Also, I noticed that I was getting kind of snappish at work. Jan noticed right away. She insisted that this pain wasn’t going to go away on it’s own and made me call the doctor. It was either that, or she was going to take me to a chiropractor.

So I went to my doctor. By the way, I have a doctor. I don’t go to the Doc-in-a-box anymore. Do you know how GREAT it is to have a doctor? The SAME doctor, every time?

So my doc checked it out and said that it’s not really my hip, it’s the right side of my lower back. Some kind of nerveor something. He didn’t say Sciatica, so I don’t know if that’s it or not.  We’re going to try drugs first. and if it doesn’t get any better then we’ll do x-ray or a test or something.

1. So I now have some kind of souped-up anti-inflammatory that’s so bad ass I can only have it once a day.

2. Also a muscle-relaxer.

3. Hydrocodone.

All of these drugs together, so far, and I know it’s only been one day, but they’ve not helped the pain at all. This is the weird thing, the pain is still there. I can feel it. It’s just that the drugs? Make you not care about the pain. I’m so high I get the giggles. I can see how people would get addicted to this. But also? It’s boring. I can’t read or play a video game because my brain is too messed up to concentrate. I can’t go anywhere, because driving is right out. I can’t take my dog to the park.

So the high is cool for about 7 minutes. Then I’m just a boring zombie with pain.

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