4.23.08

Category: dribblings

Justin’s surgery went well! thanks to all of you who prayed and contiue to pray. you guys are amazing! i got to talk to little bro for a few minutes last night. he’s got The Drip going but he’s still in lots of pain. so let’s pray that he gets to sleep through a lot of that. all of his doctors were pleased. there was too much scar tissue to do one thing they need to do so there’ll be another surgery sometime down the road, but i don’t think it’s quite as invasive as this one was.

thanks again, all you awesome praying peeps!

 

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4.22.08

Category: dribblings

leetle brahther’s surgery is this afternoon. when i find out anything i’ll post it here. thank you for praying.

****

i know you guys won’t even believe this story, but every bit of it is true. and yes, it’s a ‘brary story.

high school student comes in needing to use the computer. and right away she’s all attitude, “i need to use the computer and NO, i don’t have my card with me.” which flies all over me cos you knew you were going to the library WHY DIDN’T YOU BRING YOUR CARD? so i ask sweet precious her name and she mumbles it. she talks in this really lazy way. yes, it’s a southern accent but also it’s kinda slurred and the way she speaks it’s as if it’s really hard for her to exhale air from her lungs to pass through her vocal chords. lazy.

“what’s your name?”

“mumble mumble.”

wincing, “can you say it again?”

“mumble.”

nice. “could you…spell your last name for me?”

and she spells it loud and slow like i’m an idiot. and her last name is a really common one around here, and it’s easy to say and spell. and when she told me what it was i was flabberghasted as to how she could even say it in such a way that it could not be understood.

right. so she goes off to use the computer.

about 45 minutes later she comes out and asks me, she asks, (and i swear i’m not making this up. cos when i told fellykish about it she was all, “NO SHE DIDN’T!” and i was all, “yes, she did.” “NO!” “yep.”) so the girl asks in her lazy attitude-filled voice, “how do you make the numbers on the computer do Roman numerals?”

this is not an immediately stupid question, okay? we’ve all had brainfarts, right? perhaps she was overthinking the problem? and forgot that you make Roman numerals out of some of our capital letters? it happens.

i explain that you just use the capital letter I, V, and X, for numbers 1 – 10. and then ask if she needs a more complicated number… cos if you don’t use them often the bigger Roman numerals all get confusing (to me, anyway.)

she looks at me like i’m speaking in tongues. so i start again, “you just type a capital I for one, and two capital I’s for two… you don’t use number keys because they look like our letters.”

“i don’t know what they look like.”

“…what.”

“can you draw one through ten for me?” she’s in high school, you guys.

so i make her a list 1 – 10 and i tell her that the computers are going to shut down in five minutes (closing time is nigh) and that she needs to print what she’s got or save it to a floppy. mare pipes in that yes, the computers are about to shut down so she needs to hurry up and finish whatever she’s working on. you can see where this is going.

five minutes later she comes out all huffy, “the computer just turned off on me and i need to finish my work.”

“that’s what i meant when i told you that the computers were going to shut down.”

“well i need you to log me back on.”

“i can’t do that. once they shut down, that’s it.”

“but i’m not done yet.”

oh, but you are. “i’m sorry but there’s nothing we can do about it. there’s no way we can bypass the system.” mare takes over dealing with her as i go to shut down more computers. she pitches a fit and goes back to the computer room and i hear her either kick something or hit something (trashcan, computer, i don’t know) so i start to go back there to make sure she’s not killing anything important and she comes rushing out and leaves. nothing looks broken. my pal jan is sorting through some books and she looks up all startled and she says, “hey, when that girl walked by she said, “bitch.” what gives?” jan was confused cos she had not been involved with the girl at all (and how lucky was she?). i dunno if she was refering to mare or me. pro’ly mare since she dealt with her last. which is a shame cos mare is a really nice lady and she doesn’t deserve any name calling. especially not by some spoiled brat.

i don’t know what shocks me more, her horrible attitude when talking to strangers or the fact that she’s in high school and didn’t know her Roman numerals 1 – 10.

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4.21.08

Category: dribblings

dammit, there were birthdays yesterday. and i forgot to call them both. shitheel. Melfa, i’ll call you soon. and i hope your birthday was happy!

****

Justin is having surgery tomorrow. he’s having the rest of his colon removed. they keep taking parts of it out, and i think this is the last of it. i asked him if this was going to be his last surgery (seeing as how there won’t be any more colon to remove) but he was all, “yeah right.” so you guys please pray. i’m praying too, but mostly my prayers end up with me giving God a piece of my mind, and i don’t know if those prayers will work for or against. i’m sure God is tired of me calling shenanigans on His Divine Plan. (and by “calling shenanigans” i mean “swearing at God.”)

speaking of The Lord, yesterday Jimmy the Drummer (not the same as Mr. Fleegan), Liz, and i played at some church in Huntsville. it was called The Dwelling Place and we couldn’t figure out what kind of church it was so we’re going with non-denominational. although the whole time i was there i thought it was a messianic jewish temple cos there were jew flags call over the place. maybe it’s not called the “jew flag” is it? the israeli flag then? it was white with the blue star of david?
i asked liz if it was a charismatic messianic jew church, but she said no, that the jew thing was a Huntsville thing. which was a little disappointing because how many charismatic messianic jewish temples do you think there are… in alabama? and i thought we had just played at one and really, talk about bragging rights. hee.

so it was merely a charismatic non-denominational church, which doesn’t seem quite as bragworthy. not that i would ever really brag about being on a worship team, mind. bitch, yes… brag? never. cry, maybe. the service was all right. when you go and play (or even visit) a strange church you never really know what you’re in for, right? this one wasn’t bad at all. the preacher wasn’t one of those screamy preacher types. you know the ones. they yell a lot? and that wouldn’t be so bad except THEY’RE HOLDING A MICROPHONE. i hate that. but this? this was not like that. and? there was no altar call, which i also detest. so BONUS! no screamy guy and no altar call. and? for the hat trick? the preach didn’t try to “save” us. so i’m assuming this church didn’t come out of a baptist tradition. i can’t take it when christians try to “save” other christians. personally, i think the “saving” business should be one-on-one (or two-on-one. DOUBLE TEAM FOR THE LORD!) and not a church service-wide thing. but i also yell and curse at God pretty often, so what do i know?

so anyway, this church wasn’t scary or anything. it seemed open and refreshing. and Liz did an excellent job of leading worship.

after rereading this i find that i sound like an idiot when i talk about God and church and also when i describe jewish things. but i’m leaving this post up to keep me humble. YES I CAN TOO DO HUMBLE.

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4.19.08

Category: dribblings

my little bro is having more surgery done on tuesday (22nd), so please put your Prayer Hats on and pray for Justin.

****

for the past week i’ve had the words ‘chimera phone’ in my head. i think a chimera phone would be an awesome thing to have, but probably not as useful as a camera phone. although really, i don’t use my camera phone very often. it only seems to come to into play when we’re all blitzed. and the next day? the blurry pictures don’t even make sense. still, i guess it’s still better to have a camera phone… in case you’re at a fancy party in a mansion and you accidentally open the door to the study while you’re looking for the bathroom and you notice a stack of secret Nazi missile plans. a chimera phone wouldn’t come in handy in that situation, would it? it would play out all, *gasp* “Nazi secrets! i should document this somehow!” and you’d pull out your trusty chimera phone and… what? it bites you?
and while you’re cursing and shaking your bitten hand you’re thinking, “damn, should’ve opted for the camera phone.”

****

have any of you ever heard of Dar Williams? she’s a singer-songwriter. i’m enjoying “When I Was a Boy” right now. it’s so cool. and it makes me cry a little.

speaking of singah-songwriters, we watched an Ani DVD last night (well, we sorta watched it. it was on the tube, but Ben was being so cute and toddler-y (i mean, just watching him walk around is fun.) so while Ani sang angsty songs we laughed with Ben.

on the Ani note: i often wonder why her song “Gravel” seems to be the concert “anthem.” i asked laura about it, and she didn’t know why either. we both admit that it’s a good song and all, but why is it the song where the crowd loses it’s shit? those angry lesbians LOVE that song. maybe i’m missing something? the lyrics seem to say, “hey, you’re a two-timing asshole. but i guess i’ll use you as a ride to california.” it’s just, there are so many great Ani songs out there that “Gravel” seems like a weird choice to be so shit-losingly popular.

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4.14.08

Category: dribblings

this morning i’ve been listening to reggae. well, reggae for white girls anyway. i found that i had a Bob Marley’s Greatest Hits on my iTunes. (where did that come from?) and so i clicked play. and it’s really great music to listen to in the morning because the tunes are light and bouncy. the lyrics on the other hand. how is it that the lyrics are so full of sadness and corruption and yet the music sounds all light and happy? is it a trick they use to psych themselves out of depression? or is it that there are no minor chords in Jamaica?

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4.13.08

Category: dribblings

right. so i get a message from an actual friend i haven’t seen in actual ages about my recent purchase of NASCAR junk. she writes:

YOU bought Nascar stuff? Why? Was it dressed up like alcohol and you got confused?

oh, ha ha. everyone i know is hilarious and i am the butt of their joke.

Dear Everyone,

You’re welcome.

Love,
Jaimie

******

in other news: The Emerald Nuts Chipotle Oven Roasted Peanuts aren’t bad. mostly they taste like BBQ. so there you go.
wasabi = poison. chipotle = BBQ.

SPEAKING of BBQ. cookie told me that we no longer call it BBQ and that now everyone refers to it as simply, Q.
i guess like how we don’t call it Godfather II. it’s just II and likewise with III. and in case you were wondering, we (as in fans of the tril.) never refer to Godfather the TV Miniseries of Shit because of obvious reasons. first and foremost it was shit. secondly, it’s for losers who won’t sit through the first two, and frankly, i don’t know why we should pander to those chuckleheads anyway. “whaaa,” they cry, “II is too long!” they wail… like fags at a hockey game. these are the same lunatics who’ll sit through nine (9) hours of The Lord of the Everlasting Rings of the Neverending Trilogy with the Fade to White Fakeout Ending: The Extended Director’s Cut from Hell horses and wizards gumdrop treacle, but they can’t sit through the 2 and a half measely hours of II?!

Pacino AND De Niro. Robert effin’ Duvall. forget Kay and Connie, okay? i know they’re worthless. but come on! “I know it was you, Fredo.” (!!!) Vegas!, “We’re bigger than U.S. Steel!”, Cuba!, it’s got it all! okay, it DOESN’T have hobbits or fairy wizards or jar jar gollum, thank The Lord.

wow. where is all this coming from? i think these chipotle = Q nuts are working.

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4.08.08

Category: dribblings

in case you were thinking of purchasing and eating the Emerald Nuts Wasabi Oven Roasted Peanuts: don’t.
not even beer helps wash ’em down.

it’s been a while since i posted, yeah? (hear that kelly? a wHile.) last week i was in good ol’ floppy top tennessee visiting little bro. the weather was stormy which ruined our Day of Fun (which was going to be this awesome day of walking around a Civil War Battlefield. what? shut your hole. look, i don’t know how YOU spend YOUR Days of Fun, okay? for all i know, alphabetizing your CD collection might be your Day of Fun. loser.) but we managed to not stay in the house all day and watch rain fall. the worst part was coming home on friday. uh mah gah! the rain! and the traffic! the Monteagle! it was treacherous! and the semi trucks just ZOOM screaming down the road in the torrential rain! assclowns! talk about whiteknuckling it.

and since i’ve been home i’ve been working and working and drinking whiskey and watching the baseball.

speaking of baseball, (i thought you’d never mention it!) what is up with the Tigers, man? i know we’re only in week two, but they’ve been sucking so much wind it’s just painful. and i’m not even a fan, right? but really, their team is way better than this, and i’m sure all the Tiger fans are all, “that’s what i’m sayin’!” seven straight losses… dayyam, Leyland! sheeeyit. or maybe the Tigers are like communism: looks good on paper but the reality is more like they can’t play themselves out of a wet paper sack.

the Yanks are still feh what with all the meh-ness of the pitching. and don’t get me started on the batting. A-Rod?! he gets the golden sombrero?! are you kidding me? the hell is going on? Jeter’s down till friday and what, the team implodes? criminy!

file under Things I Never Thought Would Happen: i bought some NASCAR swag. on purpose. OMG! who’s yer driver?!

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A Drink Before the War by Dennis Lehane

Category: 50 Books

22. A Drink Before the War by Dennis Lehane

This guy is my new favorite author.

This is the first book in the Kenzie/Gennaro series. Basically the two P.I.s get involved in a case that leads to gang warfare. What I like most about his books (remember Gone, Baby, Gone? yeah, apparently i started with the 4th book. oops.) is that they seem kinda likely. The endings especially seem more realistic. There’s not a “happy” ending where everything is all nice and tidy. It’s messy. Plus, I love how sarcastic the characters are. No matter what is going on Patrick or Angie is being sarcastic. Glib even.

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I, Tania by Brian Joseph Davis

Category: 50 Books

21. I, Tania by Brian Joseph Davis

This is by far the most creative thing I’ve ever read (okay wait, first House of Leaves, and then I, Tania. They are so different from each other but both so clever you wish you’d written them.) Also, this is my favorite book so far this year. While I was reading this I was thinking about the author, and I kinda thought that the author was probably not so much a writer but an artist who was writing. When I looked up the author on the Internet I found that I was right, he is an artist. I can’t really explain how I knew that from his writing. It just seemed obvious.

How to describe this book. Here’s what it says on Amazon:

America lies in ruins during an age of decline, despair, and death. The year is 1975 and a radical far-left group has kidnapped a young woman from one of America’s richest families. Using the memoir format just enough to spin off into a crazed, bawdy, and seditious charge through pop culture and politics, this is a highly fictionalized true story of the rise and fall of the Symbianese Liberation Army, as it never happened.

So basically it’s supposed to be Patty Hearst as her SLA personality, Tania, writing a memoir. That does not describe at all the hilarity of this book. There’s not really a plot going on here, it’s more like one over-educated joke after another. The chapters are very short and some of the chapters could be taken and made into novels on their own. I’m not describing this well. My favorite chapter was the one that was just a critique of the movie The Bad News Bears as a social commentary. The review is called It Takes a Bear to Defeat a Pig: A People’s Reveiw of The Bad News Bears. I also loved all the quotes. Mr. Davis steals dialogue straight from Airplane!, The Wizard of Oz, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail (who doesn’t quote that one?)

Check it out for yourself. You can read an excerpt here. This book is so clever it’s almost too clever. Almost. I enjoyed it so much it gets 0 Cansecos.

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Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella

Category: 50 Books

20. Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella

ChickLit. The main chica, Lexi, gets amnesia. When she wakes up from her accident she thinks it’s 2004 and that she still has a crappy job. But really it’s 2007 and she’s the bitch boss from hell and is married to a rich handsome guy. Wacky hijinks ensue. It was cute, and it made me laugh a lot. Judicious use of the fuck word.

I haven’t read any of her other books (the Shopoholic series, mainly because it’s called the Shopoholic series). But I did enjoy this book, so maybe I’ll give her other ones a chance.

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