8.07.07

Category: dribblings

today i was painting at the HCH, and i was painting a very nasty bathroom. it was so nasty, in fact, that there was several small pools of blood on the floor. dad had been cutting a doorway into a wall in that apartment so i asked him if he hurt himself or something.

“what? no. why?”

“there’s blood in here. on the floor.”

“it’s not mine.”

“well this is weird cos it’s not quite dry. lookit, see how it’s still red in some areas? shouldn’t it be brown if it were old and dried?”

dad sticks his head in the doorway, peeks, and goes back to what he was doing.

“i dunno. but it’s not mine.”

“yeah well, was there anyone else in here today? no one’s lived here for a couple of weeks now. was there…a werewolf in here this morning?”

dad sticks his head in the doorway and says, “yeah. his hair was perfect.”

i died. that is one of our favorite song lyrics because it is so bizarre. our other favorite part of that song is the part that goes,

“You better stay away from him
He’ll rip your lungs out, jim.
I’d like to meet his tailor.”

such a classic.

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8.04.07

Category: dribblings

mr. fleegan is gone for the week on a training thingie for his job. he’s been gone for about 5 minutes now. i already miss him and am dreading the week to come as i know i’ll be all pathetic and lame. i’m also dreading my probable dinners of cold spaghetti o’s straight from the can.

***

yesterday i did some major house cleaning and the thing is…i barely made a dent. although the house does smell a lot cleaner. i’ve swept up so much cat and dog hair that i could make 10 cats out of it. but instead of making sculptures out of it i merely threw it away. am i wasting perfectly good pet hair?

this morning i mowed the lawn. i started at 8am…is that too early to start mowing? i could hear the neighbors next door so i know that at least most of them were already awake, but i would hate to know that i ruined anyone’s day to sleep in by cranking up a small combustion engine. although the lot next door is owned by the city and they seem to have no trouble at all mowing that bitch with a giant land clearing machine at 6am every month. jerkholes.

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July 2007 50 Books

Category: 50 Books

 

32. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J. K. Rowling

I can’t talk about this book because it’s a Harry Potter book and I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone. I will say this about it though, it was too long. Also Harry is a whiny, angry little bitch in it. I guess that’s all part of being a teenage boy. Also, I’ve been calling it the Harry Potter and the Odor of the Penis…because I’m no better than a whiny, angry bitch of a teenage boy.

31. Sweet and Deadly by Charlaine Harris

This was a stand alone novel and not part of one of her series (serieses? serices? serii? I should definitely know what the plural of series is. How old am I? What grade am I in? Perhaps series IS the plural form of series. Yes. Let’s go with that.) It’s not one of her Sookie Stackhouse series nor the horrible newish series she has about the weirdo stepbrother and sister who find dead people.

This is a story about a girl in a small southern town who works for a local newspaper. I’m not sure what year the story takes place but it’s either the ’80s or ’70s I think as the people at the paper use typewriters and there was no mention of computers or cell phones or anything fancy like that.

I liked this book for two reasons:

1. The author kind of uses an untrustworthy narrator. You’re not sure if she’s a crazy killer or just kind of strange.

2. The ending was very abrupt…which reminds me of how books used to end.

Let me say though, that I did not like the ending. I did not like or even believe the reason why the killer was killing people. It was really, REALLY dumb. I don’t want to spoil the ending…but also I really do. So if you enjoy this author’s previous work and you think you want to read this book, by all means, give it a go, and don’t read the rest of this “review” as I’m about to spoil it. If you don’t give a rat’s ass about this book and will never read it, and you want to know why I didn’t believe the ending then proceed with this pithy rant.

<spoiler>

So the killer is not the narrator girl. It is instead the next door neighbor, an old and very ‘distinguished member of the community’ as they say. The girl’s dad was the town doctor and 6 months prior to the beginning of the book he and his wife were killed. Murder unsolved. Who would want to kill the town doctor?

So now, other people are being murdered…the nurse who used to work for the town doctor and then the guy who lives in the dead doctor’s old office. S’anyway, turns out it’s the distinguished old neighbor guy who’s killed these people because he was sick and was tested and came out positive with…

leprosy.

And if you have leprosy you have to be reported to the public health department. And the old guy didn’t want the doctor to tell on him. And that’s why he was killing people. So people wouldn’t find out about his leprosy.

Anyway, he tries to kill the girl and she kills him first and then it just ends. Man, I read a lot of junk.

</spoiler>

30. Demons are Forever by Julie Kenner

It’s her latest Demon book and the best part about the book is that it starts exactly where the last one, California Demon, (those authors and their puns, I tell you) left off. I like when a series does that. Sue Grafton is pretty good about that. It continues the story of Kate, the demon hunting soccer mom, and her family in a small town in California that just happens to have tons of demons in it.

The only bad part about this book and the others in the series is, and I mentioned this on last year’s 50 books page, she is really, really, real redundant, for real. No really.

Really.

That was sarcasm, folks.

Half the book is Kate saying how she’s got to protect her kids from the demons and how dare the demons get close to her kids and by God those demons will pay for putting her kids in danger. And all I can do is think, “WE KNOW, LADY. We GET IT. You are a parent who loves her children. You don’t want your children harmed. We don’t blame you. Even those of us without children can understand this. Now shut the fuck up about it already and either get on with the story or stop writing sloppy, redundant bullshit.”

Other than that, it was fine. Her daughter finds out about what her mom does and she starts training to help out. The husband, Stuart, is still in the dark about the demon junk. That part, too, is wearing thin. I mean, how does she keep sneaking out at night?…and with a broken garage door? Do you KNOW how loud that shit is?

29. Valley of Silence by Noraroberhem *cough cough*
Okay I read the last one. No mas.

This is the 3rd in the Circle trilogy. It was too long. Seriously, I lost interest at the beginning and knew how the damn thing was going to end. My friend Jan, she works at the ‘brary with me, was teasing me about how long it was taking me to finish this book. I told her how it was too long and I thought I had guessed the ending anyway. She was all, “How do you think it’s going to end?” and I said, “Well, obviously the good guys win the battle. The queen and the vamp are going to hook up but since he’ll live forever and she’s mortal it won’t work so either he’ll have to die in the battle, or more likely, he won’t die and the gods will give him a chance to be human again since he helped to kill the evil vampires. Am I right?”

“Well, you’ll just have to read to find out.”

So I finished it, and I won’t spoil it for you if you decide to read it. Just know that it was too long.

28. Dance of the Gods by Norablaephazzle
Right.

This is the second book in the Circle trilogy, the first being Morrigan’s Cross. It was okay. The love stories are really obvious, but the action parts are good. And it’s about vamps and witches and junk like that. Good vs Evil. Blah blah blah.

In this one the 6 have to train some more and go to this place called the Dance of the Gods so they can er, transport? to another world called Geall (it’s where the queen and the shapeshifter come from) because that’s where the last battle is going to be in the Valley of Silence.

I lost interest towards the end.

 

27. Morrigan’s Cross by Norammffmahem
Shut up, you.

The reason I picked up this book at all is that all the other librarians had read it, and it seemed that they couldn’t wait to get their breaktime so they could go and read it. And it’s part of a trilogy and EVERYONE loves a good trilogy.

This book was pretty good, I must say. It’s about how six people (very different people) have to come together to fight an army of vampires to save the world. There’s a sorcerer from the 12th century, a witch from the present, a vampire who is the brother of the sorcerer from the 12th century only it’s now so the vamp is over 900 years old, there’s a shape shifter guy and a queen from another world all together, and a vampire slayer from Chicago.

Look, I KNOW it sounds dumb, okay? But it’s really not bad. I mean, okay the love interests are hugely obvious…even before she gets to them, but STILL you keep reading! So that’s gotta count for something! Yes it does! Yuh huh!

I hate you.

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7.29.07

Category: dribblings

well it’s bloody, bollicky, old Shark Week again. didn’t we just have Shark Week? honestly it seems like it was just 4 months ago or something. i know i’m a total killjoy when it comes to Shark Week, but i really hate that junk. Mr. Fleegan of course, loves it. Watches it and worse…pays attention to it so i can’t change the channel on him like when we watch television when it’s not Shark Week. so when he gets up to get a drink or wazz or whatnot i can’t change the channel cos he’ll notice.

“hey! i was watching that!”

“but it’s just old shark junk!”

“it’s a new program! i haven’t seen this one yet.”

“n’oh, gah and it’s hosted by that grey haired guy.”

“that guy?”

“yeah, he’s like Discovery’s golden boy of shark crap.”

“what, so he’s the shark guy.”

“yeah, AND he was that dinosaur guy from that dinosaur show they did last year.”

“and?”

“and that dinosaur show was complete shit.”

“yeah, that’s true.”

“i swear he’s gets a boner talking about mako sharks.”

“you are the most unreasonable person in the world when it comes to Shark Week.”

“me?! the whole CONCEPT of Shark Week is UNREASONABLE. and don’t even THINK about watching that sad one coming up about the World War II battleship that sank . That is too horrific for words-“

“no, i wanted to watch that!”

“oh come on! i don’t feel like crying! if i have to watch about people surviving a sinking battleship ONLY to be eaten by sharks the next…however long it took for them to be rescued… i’m not onlygoing to bawl my eyes out but i’ll have nightmares for sure!”

“we’re watching that.”

“nooooOOOOoooo!”

“shhh. it’s starting.”

“what the? oh for the love. is that Richard Dreyfuss? son of a…”

“what’s the deal now?”

“so now we’re not only having to watch THE saddest thing on televsion but it’s narrated by THE most annoying voice on the planet, great.”

“you don’t like Richard Dreyfuss? everyone likes Richard Dreyfuss!”

“people who like Shark Week like Richard Dreyfuss.”

“you’re a nerd.”

“me the nerd?! you’re the one watching Shark Week.”

“i don’t understand your hatred of Shark Week.”

“few do. my hatred for Shark Week is only shadowed by my hatred of the Olympics.”

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7.21.07

Category: dribblings

i’m still juggling a lot. i’m getting better at 3 clubs. my 4 balls is getting, well, honestly i’m not practicing balls much what with the clubs being so fun. i tried a 5 ball cascade for shitzngiggles, i managed to throw all the balls (which is good i thought) but i only caught 3 of them. i’m practicing the 3 ball flash like mad in hopes that i’ll get to do 5 soon.

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7.20.07

Category: dribblings

yesterday was jeep maintenance day: 4 new tires, brake inspection, oil change, and my checkbook raped.
also this month my tags were due on the jeeps…so there’s another hundred right there. i sure do love my jeeps though.

***

i’ve made an appointmnt for Roxy to be groomed. it’s going to take three of us to get her in the place. she can be very stubborn…it wouldn’t be such a problem if she wasn’t Big McHugeLarge.

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7.10.07

Category: dribblings

my px3 clubs seem more difficult to juggle but somehow i’m getting longer runs with them. it’s like i could juggle them forever. the longer handles are still giving me a bit of trouble. i can’t seem to catch them in the same consistent spot, and i must be juggling them too close to my body cos sometimes they hit my boobs… and that’s not so great.

but i totally love these things! i’m telling you, catching these clubs is way better than catching my old clubs…which really, i should toss those old props, but no! i just made them so pretty! of course, i’ll pro’ly not ever juggle them again and they’ll just be in the way all the time and now i need to find a place to store them and blah blah blah who cares about the old props? i’ve new ones! new awesome ones!

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7.09.07

Category: dribblings

you guys! i got my new juggling clubs! they are fluorescent green and they are way different than my other clubs. it is crazy interesting how different they are! the handles are a bit longer so they spin a little weird, like heavier somehow. oh! but the handles are so great cos they’re thinner and softer which makes them so nice to catch! the old ones would make a loud snap sound every time i caught them…that was the sound of the hard plastic wrapped wooden dowel hitting the bones in my hands.

no one ever said juggling doesn’t hurt.

but these handles are so strange! it’s almost like they are hollow or something. hollow and squishy at the same time. and now instead of a bone popping snap sound they make a gentle thud sound in my hands. sweet!

i can’t wait for you to see them and feel them! i would write more, but c’mon, it’s like christmas over here!

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June 2007 50 Books

Category: 50 Books

26. Ain’t She Sweet by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Flippy read Natural Born Charmer (#16 on this list) and then this one and she told me that this one was even BETTER than Natural Born Charmer and I said, “Impossible!” and she was all, “Read it and find out!”

So I read it and while it wasn’t as quick-witted and funny as Natural Born Charmer the story was much better and even a bit believable.

In this one a lady named Sugar Beth (I know) comes back to the southern town where she was born and raised after being gone for nearly two decades. She had been the most popular girl in school and also a huge bitch. She comes back home to take care of a money situation and then ends up showing everyone how she’s changed from a spoiled bitch to a really normal, nice person. But first the town tortures her.

It had some really sweet parts in it and I even shed a few tears during the sweet parts but also I was pmsing so perhaps the parts weren’t as sweet as I thought.

Anyway, a good summer book.

25. Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamott
This is like her other nonfiction books, Traveling Mercies and Plan B. I love Anne Lamott’s biographical books because she is so honest about her life. She never sugar coats her own screw-ups. Never. Some of her thoughts on Christianity are very liberal, even to me, but I still appreciate reading about them. Plus her books ALWAYS have really good sentences in them.

This book, like Plan B, is not as good as Traveling Mercies, as that book was just amazing. But I did like this one better than Plan B.

So there you go.

 

24. A Good and Happy Child by Justin Evans
If you are sensitive at all to things dealing with demons then I don’t recommend this book as it will give you nightmares.

The plot is all there’s this guy who can’t seem to touch or hold his newborn baby. At first it seems kinda funny, “oh he’s a new dad.” kinda thing. But then it gets to where it’s ridiculous that he won’t hold the baby so he goes to therapy. It’s there he remembers that when he was a kid he went to therapy too because of some behavioral problems (y’know, like trying to kill people. erm, perhpas even succeeding in killing people.), but it turns out that his problem was actually that he was possessed by a demon.

regular therapists tend to misdiagnose those kinds of things.

and just when you’re thinking, “Damn, this kid doesn’t have a prayer.” (pun? intended?) because you know that thoraizine isn’t going to get rid of a demon. turns out there are some characters in the book who have had experiences with demons and spiritual things, and best of all they are friends of the kid’s parents. the thing is, (there’s always a thing) the father died at the beginning of the book and it’s his friends as he’s the Christian. The mom does not believe in such things. Even after the mom witnesses a manifestation of the demon in their bathroom she still doesn’t believe.

So the kid’s dead dad is the reason that the kid was attacked by a demon in the first place. The dad went to some place in South America to study with a demoniac to learn about demons so that he could come back and tell people how to fight against evil. In case you don’t know this, THAT IS ALWAYS A BAD IDEA. so he catches a “fever” and ends up dying a slow debilitating death. A demon then goes and latches on to the kid.

A bunch of shit happens. But the whole point of the story is that he’s now afraid to even touch his kid cos he doesn’t want any demons on his kid. The ending was really strange and I’m not sure if he’s still got a demon in him or not. I couldn’t tell. I didn’t like the weird ending. I wanted more closure.

The book was very creepy and there were several parts that were so creepy i wanted to hide under a blanket. With all the lights on.

 
I’m giving it one Canseco because it was well written and did not piss me off with too many characters and redundancy. It was a good book, and I never want to read it again.

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6.27.07

Category: dribblings

right. so. the countdown to the apocalypse or as i’m calling it, Julocalypse, is about 3 days. i need to buy a helmet.

here’s the repair job:

and here’s where i’ve written the date on the new pipe so when it screws up again we’ll know when we replaced it the first time.

note: i wasn’t thinking at the time and should have put pre-july 2007 instead of june.

here’s the other hole in the other cabinet:

i don’t know what it’s there for.

here’s Toonces Whorecat watching me blog about my woes:

she does not approve of my whining.

and lastly here’s mr. fleegan eating an ice cream cone he stole from a little kid:

i tried one without the flash and told him to eat the cone more sexily:

he was going for “blue steel”.

whoa back off, that geek is mine.

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