Category: dribblings

I am not old, but I am middle-aged. What an absolute delight!

I feel a lot older than I did a month and a half ago, before a teenager moved in and made me realize that wow, I really enjoy things like: routine, not going places, watching predictable television, not having to plan dinner every night, and other such glamorous things that couples with no children enjoy.

(This is by no means a negative critique on Aubergine, who is a lovely teenager/student. She is low maintenance and honestly, she’s easy to live with. She might not say the same about us. My guess is that she’d say Mr. Fleegan seems to watch a lot of football, and that I am always at work, which is probably for the best seeing as how I’m so high-strung I can suck the fun out of the room like a black hole.)

I take (and pick-up) Aubergine to school every day. This means we listen to the pop station on the radio. Normally, I switch between the hard rock and oldies station, but she is a teen and she enjoys the pop music and I mean, I’m not a damn monster, you guys. Having to listen to pop music for 10 minutes a day is not exactly a hardship.

I’m impressed at how she knows the lyrics TO EVERY SONG ON THE RADIO.

Every day we have this convo:

“How to do you know the lyrics to this song? You’ve only been here a month!”

“We have this song in Belgium.”

“Really? I’ve never heard it before.”

“You haven’t?!”

“No.”

“Jaimie, we heard this song yesterday on the way to school.”

“Oh.”

So, yeah, I’m not too swift on the pop music. And I’m mostly fine with it. I mean, do I bemoan the fact that the “music” doesn’t seem to be played by musical instruments but computer machines instead? Of COURSE I do. But I admit that I’m impressed by how many female pop singers there are and that they seem to get more airplay than other female artists of other genres. So there’s that.

I was talking to damecatoe the other day about how the pop music makes me feel old and she was all, “Yeah, since you only listen to classic rock I can see why.”

“I do not ONLY listen to classic rock.”

“Whatever. Alice in Chains is over 20 years old so…”

“I hate you.”

“What I hate is how misogynistic the lyrics are in pop songs.”

“Do you enjoy anything anymore?”

“Have you listened to the lyrics?”

“No? I only catch the really repeat-y ones. Who has time for lyrics?”

“What are you even like?”

“How are we friends? We have nothing in common.”

“I know.”

“Oh! I really like that Xs and Os song!”

“Me too!”

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Tags: Aubergine, curmudgeoning, damecatoe, laura, middle-age, Pop music

They got me fair’n’square

Category: Uncategorized

Jaimie, did you buy this carton of coffee creamer for the sole reason that it has Chewbacca on it?

Yes. Of course. I’m not made of stone.

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For I am Farmer Benign

Category: dribblings

Occasionally I am Farmer Benign, this comes from an old poem that an old friend wrote probably 20 years ago about a farmer who couldn’t grow crops. I think that’s what it was about. 20 years is long.

Anyway, at work I get the supreme privilege of helping people, beit finding books, fixing a resumé, using a copier machine (you would think copiers were the most complex of machines the way people act around them.), and just all-around computer stuff. And most days, I RULE.
I fix the hell outta stuff. I upload resumés to Monster.com and other job sites for people LIKE A PRO, like I was born to do this.

But today.

Today is one of those Farmer Benign days. A day where I seem unable to help anyone, and not because I don’t know how, but because of weird “innernet things” or just weird people.

A man came in to use a computer to take practice tests he had on a CD-ROM, but I couldn’t get the CD to load and he wasn’t to swift on the tech, so making him understand that there was NOTHING I could do for him to use that CD was quite a feat. And he said, “Oh I get it. It’s like how I can’t bring my tax files here because Homeland Security has blocked that kind of thing.”

Holy shit. What?

I said, “No sir. It’s not… anything like that? It’s more like our software-”

“No, I know, the government does this kind of thing.”

“It’s really because we don’t have the software to read the type of files you have on that disc though. The government is uh, not interested in this uh, hm, this real estate practice exam.”

Sometimes their foil hats are invisible.

***

I had two resumés I couldn’t upload to two different sites, and yes, I tried different browsers, thank you. But try explaining that it’s the websites’ server problem and not mine and it’s like talking to a rock. A rock that has a bad attitude and thinks you’re stupid cos yesterday they “were able to upload it, and so how come it’s not working today? I did it from my e-mail yesterday. Did you break Yahoo, or something?”

Yes. Yes, I broke Yahoo. It was me.

***

A lady spilled Wite-Out on our carpet and I was like, “Ok, it’s not the end of the world.”
And she got mad at me cos I wasn’t getting upset about it.

***

Then I answered the phone and this lady yells, “FINALLY, SOMEONE ANSWERS.”

“Ma’am? May I help you?”

“Well, I was wondering if ANYbody at the city was working today!”

“Yes? The library is open today. Is that who you were trying to call?”

“NO. I’ve called ALL the numbers for the city and YOU are the only one who has answered.”

“I’m so sorry about that. Is there something the library can help you with?”

“Maybe. The city came out and dug up part of my driveway and they refilled it with chert. And now it’s a muddy mess! I want them to gravel it!”

“Right. Well. I’m really sorry. The library can’t help with that. I can give you the switchboard number for city hall, but that’s about all I can do on my end.”

“Well, fine.”

I give her the number. “I’m really sorry. Good luck.”

***

When people say to me, “Working at a library must be boring.”

I just shrug and say, “The public is never boring.”

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Tags: Lenny, library, work stuff

That time fleegan.com went to a hip music concert show

Category: Uncategorized

What were the odds that 4 weeks into Aubergine’s stay in America the top Belgian pop singer would be performing a mere 150 miles away? On one hand I was all, “I’m pretty sure Jesus wants us to go to this Stromae concert.” On the other, more curmudgeon-hearted hand, I was all, “Thanks A LOT, Jesus. Now we gotta make the misery-laden drive to Atlanta.”

Mr. Fleegan and I had so much more fun than we thought we would considering:

1. We don’t speak French.

2. We don’t particularly enjoy electric-y, synth-y, rap-type music. (I enjoy acoustic instruments. I am old.)

3. Atlanta.

But it was too perfect an opportunity to pass up, to give an amazing piece of Belgium to our Belgian student? No way we couldn’t do it. Besides, being a host family has been nothing but a way for God to get us out of our comfort zones. (BTDubs, Lord, mission accomplished. So maybe we could dial back on that for a bit? Pleez?)

Aubergine had a blast. We sort of pushed her and her friend to go to the front part (it was all standing room only) while mr. Fleegan and I hung toward the middle by the sound guys. If you hang by the sound guys you are going to hear an amazing concert. That’s some freebie info for you that I learned from Liz’z dad, a top-notch Sound Guy. The Buckhead Theater is a small venue and I think it was a 2,000 or so capacity. An intimate mosh pit, if you will.

I looked around and was surprised that we were not the oldest people at the show. In fact, there was a couple in their 80s, and I was taking their picture to be all, “Look, it’s us at a concert!”

But they were adorable, she was wearing a t-shirt that read: Made in Belgium. And he was wearing a suit with one of those German-y hats with a feather in the band. As I was going to take their picture I stopped myself realizing that I was being kind of mean like, “Look, old people in the wild!” Like, don’t be a dick, Jaimie.

Stromae put on a terrific show. It was SO entertaining, despite us not understanding 99.7% of the French. How could that matter? Music is universal. Mr. Fleegan and I jumped and sang and danced and shouted as best we could.

Did I mention we had fun? Cos, guys? WE HAD FUN.

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Tags: ATL, Aubergine, exchange student, stromae

Fleegan à la mode

Category: dribblings

If you do not know me in real life you may not know that I am often, oh, what’s the word for it?
An asshole.
Yes, that’s it!

My favorite thing to do right now, when I talk to sweet Aubergine, is to ask her what the French word for French words are. I’m a monster at it.

“Oh, our friend makes the best crème brûlée! Wait, what’s the French word for crème brûlée?”

“It’s the same.”

Smirk.

“Aubergine, I just want you to be safe, the college boys will be very charming. Don’t be naïve, ok? Wait, what’s the French word for naïve?”

“It’s the same.”

I smirk.

She rolls her eyes.

I do this a lot. To the point now that when I start to ask, “Aubergine, what is the French word-” she immediately rolls her eyes. I don’t blame her. Mr. Fleegan has begged me to stop, “She’s gonna hit you next time.”
“She will not. Though, I’d deserve it for sure. I asked her the French word for camouflage.”

“You didn’t.”

“I don’t think I’m capable of stopping.”

“You are the worst.”

“I’m a monster. Wait-”

“Don’t.”

“Aubergine, what’s the French-”

“Monstre!”

Fist pump, “I knew it!”

****

So the other day I was talking to Aubergine and complimenting her on how she dresses. She’s very cool. She is fashionable. I wanted to tell her that I bet she’s the trendiest one at school. So I asked her how she would say fashionable or trendy. And she replied that in French they would say “à la mode.”

I laughed so hard. Because I thought she was getting me back for all of my previous “What’s the French word for this French word?” shenanigans I keep pulling.

“Good one, Aubergine! Good one! hahahaa!”

“What is funny?”

“Your joke? It was hilarious.”

“I did not make a joke.”

“À la mode?”

“Yes?”

“It wasn’t a- wait, you’re serious?”

“Yes?”

“À la mode is French for trendy?”

“Yes.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. Of course. What does it mean in English?”

“I thought it was French for “with ice cream.””

“With ice cream?”

“Yes. Like, you have cake or pie, but if you order it “à la mode” then you get it with ice cream. Avec glace?”

“No. It means fashionable.”

“Welp. Look at us. Learning new things.”

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Tags: Aubergine, exchange student

The Pine Tar Game: The Kansas City Royals, the New York Yankees, and Baseball’s Most Absurd and Entertaining Controversy by Filip Bondy

Category: 50 Books

I usually read baseball books during the off-season, but this one grabbed my eye. I thought, “How on earth can someone write a whole book about one ball game?” I mean, magazine article, sure, but a whole book? One game? PROVE IT, FILIP BONDY.

It was great.
Admittedly, it’s about a bit more than just one ball game. Bondy takes us back to the mid-1970s to establish the history of the Yankees/Royals rivalry. It’s not a dry history either. I never found it draggy or boring. Full disclosure: I’m a Yankees fan, so even though I knew most of the history bits on the Yankees side (Steinbrenner/Martin) it was never boring because he keeps it short and sweet, plus, the Royals/George Brett history I pretty much knew nothing about, so I really enjoyed learning about that. And it’s not super-detailed, he hits the high points to keep the flow of the story going.

It’s about halfway or more through the book before you get to 1983 and the actual Pine Tar Game, but I didn’t have a problem with it. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing. It was as entertaining as it was informative.

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Tags: baseball, New York Yankees, nonfiction

Damn, Nature, you tiny

Category: Uncategorized

I think it was a baby king snake. I was going to pick it up, but as I reached out I thought, “Jaimie, what are you doing with your life? Do you really want to be the girl who picks up snakes at the park? Could you just be normal for once?”