10.10.05

Category: dribblings

i was talking to liz the other day about how i don’t think i’m going to get 50 books read by the end of the year.
“but you’ve got, what, 15 more to go?”
“yeah, about that.”
“so that’s 15 books in 2 and a half months.”
“yeah maybe i can do it…it will never happen.”
“oh sure, you’ve just got to read one book every…three days.”

i wailed.

but i must try or else i’m a quitter. and i don’t want to be a quitter.

***

My Morning With Margaret.

i went outside this morning to put more water in the dogs’ water bowl. “dogs” plural because jimmy brought his dog, Kaze (as in Kamikaze) to spending some time with Rockstar Roxy. they are the best of friends. so Crazy Margaret comes out of nowhere, i mean honestly i think she magically appeared, and says that jaimie, jaimie, i need to talk to you.

son of a…

“what do you want margaret?”

“hey, why is his dog still here?”

“um. because…they like playing together?”

“well, i wouldn’t put up with that sh*t.” and i don’t know if you’ve ever had the great blessing of hearing Crazy Margaret talk? but she’s really southern and really loud. and here she is across from the very busy (even on Columbus Day) Board of Education.

“what?”

“well here your boyfriend dumps his dog on you and he’s probably got him another woman on the other side of town.” she hates jimmy. she really hates him. which is funny ‘cos he’s scared of her. he won’t admit it, but he is. hee.

“uh huh.”

“i’m serious. i wouldn’t put up with his sh*t! i’d tell him NO! WAIT! here’s what i’d do. now listen. LISTEN! i’d take both of those dogs to HIS HOUSE so when he got home HE’D have to deal with them! and then he’d know! he’d respect you then!”

“margaret, i’m not listening.” she HATES it if you don’t listen or if you say no. she can’t stand it!

“what?! WELL, MAYBE SHE’LL LISTEN WHEN SHE COMES HOME AND FINDS HIM WITH A NAKED LADY IN THE HOUSE AND HE SAYS THAT THE NAKED LADY IS THE NEW DISHWASHER! MAYBE THEN SHE’LL LISTEN!”

priceless.

do you know how difficult it was not to laugh? i would have laughed but she went on to say that that was what her husband did to her. she came home and there was a naked lady and he said that she was the new dishwasher. my only thought was, “you were married?”

“when are you getting married?” she asked out of nowhere.

“i don’t know.”

“well, i wouldn’t put up with his sh*t. you better-“

“margaret, i’m not listening to you. i won’t have you bad-mouthing my boyfriend.”

“well, those dogs are still hungry! you need to feed them more food!”

“margaret, they just ate. they’re fine.”

“no they aren’t! look at them! they’re starving.”

“well, they’ll just have to wait for supper.”

“that’s mean!”

“no it isn’t. they just had breakfast. they’re fine.”

“you should give them each a scoop of milk do you have any milk if they had some milk it would settle their stomachs and they wouldn’t be as hungry. do you have milk?”

“i’m not giving them milk.”

“WHY NOT?! all you gotta do is-“

“no, margaret. they’ve had enough. they’re fine.”

then she says to the dogs, “she’s so mean! isn’t she! starving you like that!”

i walked back inside. and couldn’t WAIT to tell jimmy about the naked dishwasher.

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10.06.05

Category: dribblings

tomorrow is cookie’s birfday. how many spankings will she get? including the one to grow on? sorry, that info is classified.

i’ve started volunteering again at the local jr. college as a Conversation Partner. it’s where you go and talk to foriegn students so they can practice speaking english. i think it’s a great program. and it’s kinda fun.

my partner this time is a chick from thailand. she speaks pretty good english. she has a good vocabulary so it’s easy to talk to her but sometimes her pronounciations are off and i’m all, “what?”
“maybe i did not say it right?”
“i don’t know. say it again?”
“polyusion.”
“and this is a word used at parties?”
“no! no. it’s poly-uusion. parties? what?”
“we were just talking about parties.”
“oh! yes, but this is polyusion…when the air is dirty?”
“oh! pollution!”
and then we giggled. so fun.

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10.05.05

Category: dribblings

mister fleegan and i saw Serenity tonight. i can’t help but say “serenity now!” in my head when i say serenity for any reason.
the movie was, forgive me my friends, okay. i know, i’m a minority because i’m one of the few who have not fallen under the wicked spell of joss whedon. forgive me for being a nonbeliever. sometimes i wonder if i would like his stuff better if i could read it and not watch it.

i guess if you’ve watched the television series you’re more attached to the characters and you understand more of what is going on in the movie. so that’s a mark against me since i haven’t seen the show. but i feel a bit duped as i thought it was going to be funnier than it was, what with the previews making it look funny and all. i didn’t count on them showing ALL the funny parts in the previews. i call shennanigans!

i won’t bore you with all the reasons i didn’t like the movie, ‘cos it’s mostly my hang ups with sci-fi in general (including my knee-jerk reaction to movies about the future that look like the past), except for the parts where my reactions were:

“what?! no.”
“he has a cowboy gun?”
“that death? was unnecessary. it didn’t even make sense. i mean, honestly? that one was 1000 times more wasted and nonhelpful to the story than that time they killed off the Highlander’s girl friend.”
“he married a…femme-bot?”

those reactions were warranted. i think another reason i didn’t enjoy the movie as much was the Narnia preview. i kept thinking about it and wondering if i should read the books first or movie first then books. so if you want to read a snarky review of the slightly blah movie: go here. (i couldn’t believe someone else didn’t like the movie. she seems to hate it actually. i didn’t hate it.)

so let me not bore you with why i didn’t like the movie. let me tell you what i liked. hm?
1. i think it’s the only space movie i’ve ever seen that has celtic music.
2. i would have never put “psycho” and “ballerina” together. but y’know, it works!
3. the funny parts.
4. the girls get to kick ass too!
5. the new sidney poitier.
6. there is no #6.
7. the quirky mechanic girl.
8. a movie in space! and God was mentioned! in a positive way!

i can’t think of anything else right now. i give it three jose cansecos. rent it.

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10.04.05

Category: dribblings

sometimes i get to work for sane, normal people and sometimes i have to work for rich, white ladies.

this first thing at this job that went wrong is that the rich white lady hired the painters AND the flooring people AT THE SAME TIME.

lesson: i don’t care what your time frame is, ALWAYS paint BEFORE you redo the hardwood floors, m’kay? i know that you aren’t a complete moron, but some people are and that’s why i’m having to tell the whole class.

so. we are playing Beat the Clock with the floor people which… will never happen. they always win because once they stain and finish the floor there’s at least a 2 day period where no one can enter the house. so we will lose AT LEAST 2 painting days. which wouldn’t be so bad IF THE PEOPLE WEREN’T MOVING INTO THE HOUSE IN 7 DAYS. *enter maniacal laughter here*

so on monday night (we couldn’t work there during the day because the floor guys were sanding everything and it’s just not a good idea to paint walls only to have the floor guys mess them up with sanding debris. so monday evening we paint 3 rooms and cut in 2 other rooms.

today during the day we get a phone call form the rich, white lady, who by the way, saw us painting that evening and said how much she LOVES the color, which by the way, is the same color that her other house is. and i can only assume that she’s painting everything the same color because her furniture and stuff already matches. well, she says that we’ve painted the wrong color in all those rooms.
she also says that it’s not our fault.
she then says that what the deal is, is that the paint store has her file and that THEY mixed the wrong color. because, see, SHE has a different name brand (pratt and lambert) “chamois” (pronounced shammy, for those of you not up on silly french words) in her file, and the paint store used their brand (benjamin moore) “chamois” because they didn’t check the file. so see, it’s the same name just different paint brands and ADMITTEDLY she says THERE’S NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE IN THE TWO COLORS she says BUT SHE WENT AHEAD AND BOUGHT FOUR GALLONS OF IT ANYWAY SO THAT WE CAN REPAINT THE ROOMS WE’VE ALREADY PAINTED.
ps. THESE ARE $30 CANS OF PAINT.

and YOU KNOW there isn’t much difference because SHE WATCHED US paint the rooms. she commented on how she LOVES the color and how FRESH she thinks the color looks.

lesson: i don’t know if you know what color “chamois” is, or if you can guess what color it is, but let me share something with you. there are only certain colors that you can describe as fresh. they are certain greens, blues, light pinks, maybe a couple of yellows. under no circumstances is ANYONE allowed to refer to a BEIGE as being “fresh”. i don’t care if it’s called “chamois”, “shaker”, “mocha”, “bone”, or “chesterton” beige is beige. it’s dead. don’t get me wrong, i love beige, it really make things nice and simple. “shaker beige” is a very popular color and i think it’s great. but fresh? no. standard…yes.

anyway. this evening we go back and paint the same walls we painted last night with the new “chamois” and boy, SHE WASN’T KIDDING WHEN SHE SAID THE COLORS WERE REALLY CLOSE. what a complete waste of TIME and MONEY and since TIME is MONEY? THEN IT’S REALLY JUST A WASTE OF MONEY. so we’re even farther behind now. which is maddening in and of itself, but see, that’s not what’s really making me mad, the whole “do over” thing isn’t really the sick part, the enraging part, (i’m getting paid by the hour, so i’ll still get paid for painting the “wrong” color.). the ever so punch-to-the-gut thing? the thing that makes this WHOLE thing extra stupid, redundant and wasteful? they are in the middle of building a house and this house that we are painting? IS A TEMPORARY RESIDENCE FOR THEM AND THEY’LL ONLY BE THERE 6 MONTHS TOPS. HELLO?! DID YOU HEAR ME?! AND SHE CAN’T LIVE WITH AN EVER. SO. SLIGHTLY. DARKER SHADE OF BEIGE FOR 6 MONTHS?! THERE IS SO LITTLE DIFFERENCE IN THE TWO SHADES THAT IF YOU PAINTED TWO WALLS OF THE SAME ROOM WITH EACH COLOR? NO ONE WOULD NOTICE. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING THE SIMILARNESS OF THESE TWO COLORS.

money makes you stupid.

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10.03.05

Category: dribblings

my brother bought me a drum for my birthday. it’s a djembe but it’s not hippy. it’s glossy and needs stickers all over it. so ladt night my dad and i are “jamming” in the loosest sense possible. he only knows the 12 bar blues and i have no idea how to play a drum. it sounded great.

no, it didn’t.

but we had fun anyway. he asks me, “what’s the name of our band?”
“oh, we’re a band now?”
“of course.”
“okay.”
“i can get us a gig at the Holy House.”
“hee. that would be a sweet gig. somehow i don’t think they’d like it.”
“yeah. hey, i know what the band name is.”
“you do?”
“Randi-Danielle and the Popsicles.”
“BAHahahahahahahaha!”
“see, Popsicles is plural so when we add more people we don’t have to change the name.”
“oh that’s perfect.”
“can you sing?”
“not at all, you?”
“nope.”
“we’re screwed.”

this evening mom says, “you guys played your music for along time last night.”
“sorry mom.”
“we didn’t play that long.”
“yeah well, when i went to bed you were playing guitar and jaimie was pounding the drum.”
“yeah?”
“…”
“well i’m laying there and then all of a sudden, well, …who was playing the tambourine?”
“oh, that was dad. he was kind of, kicking it with his foot.”
“great, are you two having “band practice” tonight?”

mom is our number one fan.

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10.02.05

Category: dribblings

mr. fleegan and i had a great time in Tennessee. on the way up we were 11 years old.
me: *singing* goooood ol’ Floppy Top! Floppy Top Tenne- hey! floppy penis Tennessee! HA HA HA!

mr. fleegan:…

me: HA! ha ha! get it?

mr. fleegan: floppy crotch.

me: OH! yes that’s much better.

together: *singing* floppy croooootch you’ll always be…. home sweet ho-ome to meee!

me: gooooood ol’ floppy crotch!

mr. fleegan: floppy crotch Tennessee!

when we told justin and cindy about it they were basically like, “ha ha. you’re idiots.”

***

my brother is doing pretty good. he was able to get out of the house and go to a few places. it was awesome. AND! he has quit smoking. he is THE MAN. i am so proud of him. he is amazing.

while i was out of town my dad came to my house and put casters on my bass amp. can you believe that? how long have i been saying, “curse word. i’ve GOT to put some wheels on this thing.”? only since i got it 5 years ago.
this probably means i’ll never use it ever again. say, “la vee”.

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9.29.05

Category: dribblings

chain chain chayaayaayaayaain, chain of fools.

i am filled with word shenannigans. while i was reading one of the awful, terrible Anita Blake novels i noticed that one of the last names of one of the characters was Doughals, and i thought, gee, that’s a weird name. and then i thought, hey, that’s an anagram for sad ghoul. and then i thought, stop that jaimie, you little weirdo.

***

mr. fleegan and i are going to TN (good ol’ floppy top!) this weekend to spend some time with leetle brahther and cindy.

***

tmobile has changed the voicemail. i’m not sure why. but i had to go through the whole ordeal to change the message and password and all. that. jayaaaaazzzzzz. that jazz! (how many song references can i fit in this post anyway?)*

***

is there a difference in pot roast and roast beef? or are they same thing?

***

i think, in october, i’m going to try to not use a swear word on the blog. i still reserve the right to swear on the message board and the weekly (if there is one) and in real life. but i’m going to try (try, mind) to refrain on the blog.

blog sounds so lame doesn’t it? journal sounds better, to me. but i guess it’s not so hip. what is hip?

*i count 5.

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9.28.05

Category: dribblings

today i went to the grocery store to pick up one thing: coffee.

i ended up spending $50.

le sigh.

ugh, and i forgot paper towels, again. i’ve got mush for brains. probably from the poison.

there’a a weird bruise on my leg right above my knee. it’s the tiniest bruise ever. it looks like two freckles and for some reason? IT HURTS LIKE THE DICKENS. i don’t know what i hit it on, apparently something small. jimmy says it looks like a spider bite or something.

speaking of spider bites.
YOU SHOULD SEE MY SPIDER BITE. no, not the tiny one. the other one, on my other leg. it’s huge (well, the size of a dime) and gross and purple and red and IT HURTS LIKE THE DICKENS. it’s starting to get better though. i think. it’s not as painful as it was anyway.

jimmy: have you been around spiders lately?

me: no more than usual.

jimmy: do you feel it when you first get bit?

me: if i do i don’t remember.

jimmy: …

me: i think they get me in my sleep. hey!

jimmy: what?

me: that’s…that’s dirty pool!

jimmy: you nerd.

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9.27.05

Category: dribblings

this just in:
i received an e-mail from lauracatoe.com that on October 3rd the Weekly turns 5 years old. who knew?

mr. fleegan and i saw Flightplan. it was good, but then again, have you ever seen a Jodie Foster movie that wasn’t good? hm? admittedly i’ve never seen Anna and the King, but only because there were no songs. but i know the premise from watching the musical starring yul brynner and…deborah kerr? was she the chick? oh i don’t know. i’m sure the main points are the same, she’s a teacher and he’s a sassy king who is says etcetera a lot and is used to getting his way.
i wonder if they “do it” in the newer one?
getting to know you, indeed. *wink*

*is that from the king and i? my memory is not firing on all cylinders today. i blame the trip to Lowe’s. when i was a kid i had a fisher price-type music box thing that played that song, Whistle a Happy Tune. it just sort of clinked the song out and the words were printed on the back. and it had these kids walking in the woods and they were scared and whistling. anyone?
oh my goodness here it is! wow. it looks so ugly now. i thought it was prettier than that.
*GASP* those trees! with the mouths! I NEED THAT TOY! i love that it’s made out of plastic and wood. because how old am i? must. have. music toy.
pssst. i’ve got a birthday coming up.

ha! click this picture. do you see the mickey mouse on the shelf? I HAD THAT. and oh man, you’d pull a string on his back and he’s say “i want more cheese, please.” in a highpitched voice and the bottom part of the mouth would open and close. ANIMATRONIC. and? to this day? i still say that sometimes…in a highpitched voice. CRAZY!

you can buy me one of those for my birthday too. it’ll be RANDOM CRAZY OLD TOY BIRTHDAY. YAY!

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9.21.05

Category: dribblings

a conversation with dad:
dad: hey, the Englishman keeps sending your mom text messages. do those cost money?

me: well, usually you get so many free and then they charge ten cents per message.

dad: oh hell.

me: what a weirdo.

d: there was this lady at the hospital, nice lady, and she was talking about a friend of hers who would only send text messages. and she said her phone bill the first month was 50 extra bucks because of her idiot friend.

m: oh that sucks!

d: yeah. she finally told her friend to stop it and just call her. i don’t get that at all. i mean, what the hell?

m: it’s just gimicky, i guess.

d: it’s like Morse Code. we pay extra to send Morse fucking Code to each other.

m: heeeeeeeeee! Morse Code!

d: seriously, it’s like we’ve gone back in time.

m: i hadn’t thought of it that way. but you’re on to something there.

d: Morse Code, man. deetdootditdootdeetdootdoot and for what?! why don’t you just CALL ME?! IT’S CHEAPER.

m: hahahahahahaha deetdootdeetdoot HEY DUMBASS STOP deetdootdeetditdoot YOUR CELL PHONE IS NOT A TELEGRAPH STOP deetdootdeetdootdeetdoot. STOP! STOP

d: BAHahahahahahahahaa!

m: Morse Code. dad, you’re hilarious.

***

laura: have you seen the previews for the new movie with whatsername?

jimmy: Flightplan with Jodie Foster? yeah, it looks good.

jaimie: what?! how the hell did you know what movie she was talking about?!

movie people. sometimes they just know.

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