9.20.05

Category: dribblings

so yesterday was awesome and today kicked my ass. see how everything evens out?

yesterday Cakehole helped me paint a double room at the Holy House. it would’ve taken me all day but with our powers combined it took about 3 and a half hours. and for lunch we had MAGIC BURGER because he had never been there before.
work hasn’t been that fun in a long time.
kris and laura had us over for pizza and we brought beer that was in cans shaped like bottles! novelty beer!

that afternoon i was on the phone with laura (geez, either i’m on the phone with you a lot, or things just happen while i’m on the phone with you. odd.) and i heard someone outside talking ot my dog and said, “oh hell. someone’s talking to my dog i better go check it ou- hey! it’s someone in a jeep! i gotta go.”

and it was DAN! he came by to meet Roxy. and then he said, “i wanted to check out the air filter in your lawnmower.” i know, what on old line that is, huh? hee. kidding. he had seen me out mowing last week and it was so dusty and he wanted to fix it for me ‘cos he’s a dad and that’s what dad’s do. they help clueless girls with small combustion engines.

well, of course the air filter was filled with dirt and pollen and other such things that give you Sinus Plague. so he fixed it and said, “when was the last time the oil was changed in this thing?”
“oil? there’s oil in this?”
“heh.”
“i don’t know. the mower came with the house so…”
“well, let’s check it.” so he checked it and said, “jaimie, there’s no oil in this thing!”
“oh.”
“how has it even been running?”
“um, the Lord?”
“do you have any oil?”
“like, weedwacker oil?”
“you mean the kind you mix with the gas?”
“yeah! i have that kind!”
“no, this takes regular motor oil.”
“oh, like the kind in the jeep?”
“yeah.”
“well, then we are in business ‘cos i have the motor oil.”

‘cos if you own a jeep? you own an oil leak.

so no kidding, he turns it upside down to let the oil drain out and there’s like, maybe two tablespoons of oil in it. oops. but now, thanks to Dan, there’s NEW oil in it. then he said i needed a new blade for it as the old one is unsharpenable. neat. i was all, “geez dan, you’re the Lawnmower Man.” and then he tells me that he’s had the SAME SNAPPER PUSH MOWER FOR 18 YEARS.

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!

i told him that he’s a walking commercial. later that night i told my dad about the 18 year old lawnmower and he was all, “my god, that’s a commercial!”
“that’s what i said!”
“hey, i got another commercial for ya.”
“okay.”
“pastor faith was up here a few days ago to visit justin.”
“yeah.”
“well, he had a RubberMaid container in the back of his car.”
“okay.”
“it was from his house in New Orleans.”
“yeah?”
“yeah. apparently they had a couple of bins like that with stuff in them, right? like clothes and things?”
“yeah. mr. bentley is notorious for his rubbermaid containers.”
“yeah well here’s the thing. that was the only rubbermaid one. the others were knock-offs.”
“oh.”
“and the others all leaked. everything was ruined.”
“oh bummer.”
“yeah. well guess what was in the one that didn’t leak.”
“oh my gosh, Buddy’s baseball cards.”
“YES!”
“you are KIDDING me?!”
“nope. they were bone dry.”
“that’s INSANE.”
“i know!”
“commercial!”
“i KNOW!”

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9.18.05

Category: dribblings

i have worked the whole weekend away. it makes me sad. i guess this is how fellykish feels every sunday night. man, kelly, that sucks.

justin got to come home today! he’s still miserable but at least he’s home. thanks to all for the prayers and please keep on praying. pretty please?

***

Roxy the Rockstar barked all night last night. i wanted to kill her. i’m sure the neighbors did too.

on friday morning as i was leaving for work there was an old black lady and a little boy at the fence playing with Roxy. i talked to them and the lady said they come by every morning and she said that the little boy yells, “SIT!” and Roxy sits. and they he yells, “LAY DOWN!” and Roxy lays down. and then he gives her a stick through the fence and Roxy takes it and eats it.

so i look at the kid and i say, “well, what’s your name little man?” and the lady says, “his name is Anthony Elijah Jones!” and i said, “wow! that’s a powerful name!” and he looked scared and she said, “c’mon Tony, let’s go finish our walk.” and i thought, geez, they call him tony?

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9.16.05

Category: dribblings

my brother didn’t get to come home today. his fever is 102. and there’s some other problems. everyone is pretty bummed. he’s pretty mad.
i wish he could hibernate for a month and wake up all healed and happy and rested. or maybe encase him in carbonite. he should be completely safe if he survives the freezing process.

owahtagoosiam.

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9.15.05

Category: dribblings

justin might get to come home tomorrow! he’s been eating, so that’s a good sign. also, he has a fever. please keep praying for the dude.
however, he is in tons pain. tons. and he’s none too happy about it.
i called him tonight.
“justin’s room.”
“hi mom.”
“hi. you want to talk to your brother?”
“yeah.”
“okay hold on….”
“*new yorker accent*yeah, what the fuck you want?”
“justin?”
“yeah, what the fuck? you talkin’ to me?”
“wow, you must be feeling better.”
“*normal voice* no. i’m in horrible pain. i can’t stand it. but i really threw you off didn’t i?”
“you sure did.”
“yeah.”
“so uh, pain huh?”
“my god the pain.”
“well, everyone has been asking about you.”
“oh yeah?”
“yeah, everyone. they all say hi. all of them.”
“oh. well, tell them i’m in terrible pain.”
“okay.”
“that will make them want to buy me stuff.”
“hee. totally. ‘hey how’s your brother?’ ‘oh, he’s in total pain.’ ‘oh that’s a shame. i strangely feel the need to buy him things.'”
“exactly!”
“hee.”
“but tell them to buy good things…no flowers or balloons or shit like that.”
“gotcha.”
“i need like, video games…tell them it makes the pain go away when they buy me games. oh, and shoes. i need new shoes.”

my brother rocks, no?

***

at this office building where i’m working there’s 3 bathrooms. only one of them is usable and i used it twice yesterday. well. this afternoon i have to pee, right? so i walk in the bathroom and turn on the light and approach the tiolet and…

and…

there was something…in the toilet already.

and it’s not what you think. there wasn’t a turd or anything NORMAL like that.

i took one look and calmly walked back out.
but then i was all, did i just see that? what was that? maybe i just imagined it. yeah. that’s it.

so i walked back in and looked and…no. it was still there.
so i did what i usually do when stupid situations occur.
i called laura.
“dude, you would NOT believe what’s in that toilet.”
“ew, what?”
“i don’t know.”
“huh?”
“if i had to guess…i’d say someone snuck in and gave birth in the toilet and took the baby.”
“oh! ew!”
“i know. it’s really horrible. i don’t know what it is.”
“the afterbirth?”
“hee. yeah, but really…there isn’t a…uh, organic smell going on in there. so i guess it can’t be too bad, whatever it is.”
“you need a camera phone.”

and she is so right. other people? other people HAVE camera phones. other people WANT camera phones. me? i actually NEED a camera phone. because that toilet either
A. miscarried or
B. has ebola.

***

over the weekend jimmy had the hiccups. laura, they are JUST LIKE YOURS. the weird thing? i NEVER KNEW THAT because i have NEVER been with him when he’s had the hiccups.

WHAT?!

I KNOW!

“jimmy! those are ridiculous!”

“*HRRALC* i know!”

“oh my gosh! you’ve never hiccuped around me before! how is this possible?!”

“*HRRALC* jaimie, i can’t *HRRALC* remember the last *HRRALC* time i’ve had the hicRALCcups hiccups.”

“really? it’s been years?”

“uh RALC huh.”

“that is crazy.”

“how often HICRALP do you get them?”

“oh like twice a month or something.”

“really?”

“oh yeah, i’m bad about swallowing a drink and breathing at the same time. so i get them a lot. but they don’t sound like yours. i don’t think they are as violent.”

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9.13.05

Category: dribblings

my leetle brahther had his surgery today. the proceedure took about 5 hours and the surgeon said he was pleased with how it went. they removed his colon no problem. they were supposed to remove all of the rectum but they only took part of it and said that they’ll probably have to take the rest of it out at another time. we are all severely bummed about this because
1. why didn’t they take it all out while they were in there?
2. we were hoping this would be the last of the surgeries.
3. no one wants to tell justin because…obviously.

i guess we’ll find out tomorrow why they didn’t take it all out. there’s probably a good reason for it. there better be a good reason for it.

it’s 10:30pm and i haven’t heard from mom and dad which means either
A. they haven’t seen justin yet. which i think is highly unlikely. or
B. he hasn’t got a room yet, which is more likely, and also sucks gigantic piles. because it’s so yucky to have to be all miserable in a room with strangers who are also miserable.

please continue to pray for him.

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9.11.05

Category: dribblings

i had to work today which is kind of a bummer ‘cos it’s sunday and i’m a monday-friday gal, y’know? but i’m getting too busy. i dare not complain about having too much work, right? because honestly i’m thankful that i’ve been able to have so much work because i was worried when dad quit that i would have a hard time finding work, but it’s been very steady and in fact, it’s getting to be overwhelming.

the job i start on monday is HUGE and that = cheese, but the lady i’m working for is PUSHY. and i HATE THAT. and i swear, if she doesn’t BACK OFF i WILL QUIT. no kidding, she’s really demanding. and it’s getting to the point where i’m afraid my Smart Mouth is going to start talking. she called me friday night, okay? 7:45pm. to tell me i can start the job. so i tell her i’ll be there monday. she says, “well, would you be able to come before then?”
“… no.”
“can you start this weekend?”
“um, no i can’t. but i can be there monday.”

she constantly does stuff like that. i told her when i first looked at the job that i don’t take down wallpaper and that if she wants all the borders and things taken down to find someone to do that because i don’t do that.
“jaimie, they do want the borders taken down.”
“oh, well i don’t do that.”
“yes, but can you do that?”
“um, well, i don’t do that. i just paint.”
“but it’s really easy.”
“i’m sure it is. but i only paint. i told you that last week.”
“well, could your dad come and help you take it down?”
“no. my father works all day.”
“well maybe he knows someone who takes down wallpaper?”
“i don’t think so, i mean, if he knew someone then i would know them too, and i don’t know anyone.”
“well, can you find someone?”
“no. i just paint.”

FOR THE LOVE! IT’S CALLED THE YELLOW PAGES!

i mean, round and round! i really think i’m going to end up losing it and i’ll either quit or get fired.

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9.07.05

Category: dribblings

it’s good to have my wheels* back. and i LOVE having an older model jeep because
A. you can find parts for them and
B. the parts are WAY more affordable than the parts for the newer jeeps…when you can find parts for the newer jeeps.

yay old jeeps!

it only cost me $200 to get her fixed, which as laura pointed out to me, is less than a car payment.

*that old weekly just kills me. when i called laura to tell her about it i said, “hey i just wrote this valentine’s weekly and it starts out, “i love you, sexy. we’ve been together for 10 years now-”
and the bitch interrupted me and said, “it’s about the jeep isn’t it?”
HATE HER.

she does that ALL THE TIME. you know how pamie.com is the Wonderkiller? well laura is the Wind Out Of Your Sails Taker…and if i had any kind of vocabulary at all i’d have been able to come up with a better way to describe that. she is a GOON.

***

fellykish came back from hellhio. she was glad to find that i had not stolen any Magic Frogs or foiled her place. and she said she liked the additions i had made to her calendar.

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9.06.05

Category: dribblings

today is leetle brahther’s birthday. he is 25. a magic number!

this afternoon, after work, Popsicle and i were waiting at the mechanic’s place and i said to him, i said, “mom left me a voicemail. she says she making chicken tonight and i’m invited.”
“oh yeah?”
“yep.”
“did she say if she wanted me to grill it?”
“no…she said she was going to cook it.”
“oh.”
“yeah. you know what that means, doncha?”
“yeah.”
“thighs.”
“yeah.”
see the 9.16.03 entry

“oh well, i think she mentioned rice.”
“it’s like eating organ meat.”
“ugh, i know.”
“so you’re coming for dinner?”
“yeah, i guess. but i know it’s gonna break mom’s heart when i don’t eat the chicken.”
“probably.”

after i went home and showered i got to mom and dad’s and i walk in and dinner smells great and i go over to the casserole dish and there sits 900 chicken thighs on a bed of rice.

“mmmm,” i say, “look, dad! mom made thighs! nummy!”
“i know!”
“oh shut UP, you two. it was all they had left.” she says as she serves up plate after plate of thighs.
“uh huh.”
“sure.” we sit down at the table and start eating.
“it was! there was a sign! it said “due to the hurricane this is all the chicken we have.” i’m serious!”
“…”
“…”
“i’m serious! because of the hurricane!”
“you mean because-”
“that’s stupid!” dad proclaims.
“that’s what the sign said!”
“because-”
“laura, there’s two parts to every chicken.”
“…”
“…”
“there’s two drumsticks, two wings, two thighs, two breasts…”
“…”
“yeah? and?”
“well, you make it sound like all the boneless white meat got blown away in the hurricane.”

okay. right there is where i first burst into scream laughter. ‘cos dad totally missed the boat on that one.

“great, now you got her started.”
“well-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“and i DIDN’T mean that all the breasts got blown-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“what the SIGN meant was that all the chicken farms in mississippi and alabama were messed up from the storm so there’s not as much chicken.”
“yeah, but there shouldn’t be less breasts-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“yes HONEY, but also, we just had LABOR DAY and there’s 600 NEW people in town and THEY JUST DIDN’T HAVE A GOOD SELECTION TODAY OKAY?!”
“EEEEEEEeeeeeeee oh man. that was too funny!”
“you liked that, huh?”
“don’t encourage her! jaimie, eat your chicken.”
“aw mom. i don’t think i can. it’s so…it’s just…it’s…”
“it’s like a baby calf heart.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“oh you got her started again. happy?”
“sorry babe.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“no you aren’t. jaimie, eat your chicken. it’s good…really.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee hee i can’t. i can’t even cut it…it’s too-”
“no it’s easy…cut it diagonally here…across the ventricle…”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“you ass hole. i’m never cooking for you two ever again!”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“heh heh.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“i work all day long and come home and cook dinner…”
“heh.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“just so YOU can have the BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN and this is the thanks-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“yeah…why do i always have to have the BIG baby calf hearts?”

and this is where i lost it completely and ended up sprawled across two chairs and shrieking like a loon.

poor mom. poor, poor mom. she loves us so much. and we love her too, we just…can’t help ourselves.
as we finished up dinner dad asked, “what kind of pie did you make us, babe?”
“fuck. you.” she replied.

don’t you wish YOU could have dinner with us?
well, come on…just bring a helmet, you WILL need it.

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9.05.05

Category: dribblings

this is the second worse Labor Day i’ve had. the first was a couple of years ago when an old lady rear-ended my jeep.

today i woke up feeling pretty sick and not just Sinus Allergies of Great Mystery sick either. i felt a little queasy and had a bad case of repeated explosive shitting. then at noon dad calls and asks if i’ll go to the Holy House and empty the garbage chute. i figure i owe him ‘cos
A. i’m way closer to the HH than he is and
B. i’ve got his car (see yesterday’s post).

so before i go i eat a piece of cheese (even though i’ve been afraid to eat anything because everything sounds so gross) and take ANOTHER explosive crap and then venture out into public. i get two barrels of trash emptied and whew, it’s gross. and i think, “oh hell. i’m gonna puke.” so i go outside to get some fresh air.
so this lady sees me and says, “hey, come with me. we’re gonna move my tv.”
well, i mean, …okay.
so i go up with her on the 9th floor and we lift her ginormus 6,000 pound television and we put it in a shopping buggy. so we’re standing there and i start sweating profusely. oh man, what is this? my arms are tingly. i’m gonna puke aren’t i? Dear Lord, please don’t let me puke in this lady’s room. Please? let me get back to the 1st floor, okay? Please? it would just make things so much simpler…amen.

so we get on the elevator: her, me, and a shopping cart with a TV in it. then this other lady who is a notorious Talker jumps on at the last minute and starts talking and doesn’t shut up. i’m in a back corner. the elevator stops. what? no! 1st floor! 1st floor! an old lady from the 7th floor gets on. so there’s four of us and a shopping cart with a tv in it. okay let’s go let’s go…NOOOOOOoooooo! it stops on the 5th floor and TWO MORE LADIES get on. i am crammed in the corner and sweating like stuck hog and everything is getting lighter? and the old ladies are ALL rocking their own flavor of Estee Lauder (which is SO not helping) and now the prayer has changed. Dear Lord, Please don’t let me puke and/or pass out in the elevator. please? these old ladies will DIE. and i’ll be trampled and run over by a shopping cart with a tv in it and please just get me to the 1st floor bathroom, m’kay?

so Talker looks at me and says, “you don’t look good. are you okay?”
and i say, “i think i’ll be better once i get off this elevator.”
“you look green. should we get your dad?”
well, i have no time to tell her that my dad isn’t even in the building because the elevator doors have opened and yay! 1st floor! so i patiently wait for the 900 people and a shopping cart with a tv in it to Marx Brothers their way out, and i run into the bathroom and i’d like to say that i hurled, but that wouldn’t be exactly right. i heaved up…sludge. can’t explain it.

then i ran my face in the cool water of the sink. then, one of the old ladies wanted to know if i was all right. “yes ma’am.”
“you sure?” she asked, totally not believing me. “you are totally white.”
“yeah. i’m fine. i’m going to…go…to the kitchen.”
“…”
“and get some water. do you think they’ll mind?”

so i go and get some water and sit down in the cool, cool kitchen. i drink and then…because i am sweating like a sweat machine i start shivering because the air is cranked to 11 in the kitchen.
“sh-sh-sh-shit.” so i shiver my way out to the hall to walk outside where i NEEDED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT AND COULDN’T TELL THE NICE LADY THAT, “NO, I DON’T THINK I CAN MOVE YOUR TV RIGHT THIS SECOND. LET ME HURL FIRST AND I’LL GET BACK WITH YOU.” but as i’m walking by the front desk (and trust me, i couldn’t believe it either) the lady behind the desk says, “jaimie? could you go up on the 5th floor and check the washing machine? a lady called down and says that the coin thingie isn’t sliding right and she says her coins are stuck. can you check that out please, so your dad won’t have to come out and fix something on his day off?”

oh. his day off. yeah. yes, we mustn’t fuck up his FOUR DAY WEEKEND. i mean, gosh. the poor guy had to party on thursday, friday AND AND AND saturday. (see yesterday’s post.) and hell, he’s getting ready for another cookout at a friend’s house today so yes, we mustn’t bother him with things such as…HIS JOB. like, TAKING OUT THE TRASH.

“sure,” i croak, and completely dread getting back on the elevator. so i go up to the 5th floor laundry room and it’s so hot in there ‘cos it’s like a closet with a dryer running in it and oohhh, so queasy. and i check the coin thingies on both machines and
A. there’s no coins! and
B. they both slide fine! and
C. IS THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD AGAINST ME?

i thought i was going to heave in the sink of the laundry room but i didn’t. and i got back on the elevator and thankfully it was a straight shot down and i so i wobbled outside and called my awesome friend kris to come pick me up ‘cos i didn’t think i could drive home. and i nearly cried because i am not the type that calls for help. but it was such a relief to know that i didn’t have to drive at that moment. and all i had to concentrate on was not puking in his car.

when i got home i laid down and drank some water and it was a battle of the Freezing Sweats for about two hours with more explosive shats.

by 4pm my temp was back to normal and i’d stopped crapping and i was even hungry. so mr. fleegan came by and took me to get dad’s truck and i went to the store to buy bread, peanut butter, and milk so i could have cereal for dinner.

well, around 8pm i’m ready for dinner but guess what? my genius-ass forgot to buy milk. so for dinner just now? i ate a peanut butter and Honey Smacks sandwich. it was crunchy. and i felt pathetic eating it. at first i was all, “well, this will be cool!” and then while i was eating it i got depressed and i called mr. fleegan and told him what i was eating. he was all, “ew. jaimie, i’ll bring you something to eat.” but i wasn’t that hungry.

ugh, what a waste of a holiday.

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The One About The Little House on the Prairie

Category: weekleez

 
i think his hair has healing powers

The One About Little House on the Prairie
September 05, 2005

hi kids,

on friday night as i was sleeping into the wee hours of saturday, i was dreaming these epic dreams about Bonanza! a show that i have never watched in my life. in these dreams (theeeese dreeeeeams!) the Bonanza! show was amazing and it had a very young Michael Landon, who didn’t seem very Michael Landon-y because he didn’t have The Hair. but he was a very nice character. and then when a commercial came on…in my dream…the commercial said that there would be a three-day marathon of Michael Landon shows where they were only going to play Bonanza!, Little house on the Prairie, and Highway to Heaven. and, and, and…they were calling the channel TV Landon instead of TV Land.

when i woke up during the night, i noticed that Bonanza! was actually playing on the television and that it had incorporated itself into my dreams…not only that, but i was indeed watching TV Land (which is so odd, because i don’t recall falling asleep to TV Land.) and they had in fact, started a 3-day marathon of Michael Landon shows and WERE IN FACT, calling it TV Landon.

*sigh*

as i was falling asleep again i watched some of the Bonanza! and i gotta say, those are the CLEANEST cowboys i’ve ever seen. in fact? i hate to say this ‘cos i’m not entirely sure, but i think that Little Joe? i think he wears silk shirts. what kind of Kansas City queer cowboy shit is this?!

luckily i fell asleep before i could find out. however the next day, i woke up to the last half of an ep of Little House on the Prairie, which, i had never seen in my life. i know, how is that possible, right? i don’t know. i mean, i have seen the opening credits many times. they go like this:
*cut to: mom and dad on a wagon*
“WEEEEEE! the LITTLE HOUSE!! ON! the PRAIRIE!! starring…
MICHAEL LANDON AND HIS HAIR!, …the Mom character too!
*cut to: kids running down a hill with a mysterious white dog*
aaaand…Half-Pint!
….the older sister! aaand…wait for it….*plop* the retarded one!
*end*

so i’ve seen the credits. but i’ve never seen the show.

well, last night changed all that. because i could not for the life of me fall asleep. and i managed to watch three (3!) eps. so i think that the ones i saw were pretty early in the series because the older sister (mary?) had not yet gone blind, and i know that that’s supposedly when the show jumped shark. (oh man, did you see that Family Guy where they’re watching LHotP? so mean! ha!).

the name of the show is kind of misleading. i mean, it’s called “little house” when in fact, it should be called The Littlest House on the Prairie. they live in a thimble! i mean, i thought my house was kinda small, right? well, i live in a Giant Sky Mansion compared to that heap of logs. and where’s the parent’s bedroom? how do they have sex when the daughters sleep above them in a loft?

i suppose they don’t have sex. it wouldn’t be proper. i bet the kids sprung forth from Michael Landon’s hair. he’s like the Zeus of the Prairie.

anyway after 3 episodes all i have to say is,
holy shit! i LOVE that show! it’s AWESOME. that show should come on EVERY DAY and EVERY DAY my friends should come over and we should TOTALLY play a Little House on the Prairie Drinking Game! because hello? i am now addicted to booze and Little House on the Prairie.

sadly i cannot find a LHotP drinking game. the hell? oh what? is it so sacred that we may not taint the wholesome pioneer ways with sinful moonshine? well, it is a really sweet show. i think that if we, as a nation, watched more Little House and less everything else…the world…she would be a better place. and maybe kids would stop playing so many video games and would instead, wake up early and go and pick mushrooms by the creek…before school.

yeah, that’s the ticket.

the first thing i noticed while watching the show was that Michael Landon was JACKED UP. have you seen his chest?! wow! brick wall! the only thing bigger than his chest was his hair, my god, the hair. the hair was so big and luxurious, and it made me feel bad because the mom’s hair had to be in a bun and inside a dorky bonnet most of the time.

here’s a question i have, now remember i’ve only seen three okay? but, is EVERY episode about bullies? i SWEAR.

so here’s my Little House on the Prairie Drinking Game:

– Nellie!
– a sweaty Michael Landon in a dirt stained shirt. one if he’s wearing that damn floppy hat…two if he isn’t…reeeow.
– Little Laura Ingalls punches/pushes someone down
– Mary stops Laura from fighting
– bullies!
– Mrs. Oleson hears a rumuor!
– church!
– Michael Landon does something noble.
– take two shots if they even SHOW the littlest daughter. i don’t even know her name. i only saw her once outta three eps and that’s when Michael Landon came home for dinner… he picked up the little girl said, “how’s my little girl?” and put her back down. that’s it.
– hey! it’s that guy from Highway to Heaven!
– if you can name something else the “guest star” has been in.

i’m sure there’s other things to add, but like i say, i haven’t seen that many, i’m thinking you probably don’t have to really. it would take no time at all to get drunk watching this show.

oh, and here, i watched a half hour of Highway to Heaven, here’s that drinking game:

– drink the whole bottle when the grizzled guy with the beard cries.

number of times i say Michael Landon in this weekly (counting the next one)? 12.

next epitomb: 13 Michael Landons! a baker’s dozen!

jaimie “half-pint” pickle

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