7.16.08 WTF Wednesday

Category: dribblings

so i get to work and my boss says to me she says, “jaimie, do you know anything about spiders?”

and i say, “not really.”

and she says, “do you know what kind of spider this is?” as she points out the window.

i go over to the window and look and say, “oh, ha, ha. hilarious.” and walk over to my bag to get my camera.

she says, “what? no really. what kind of spider is that?”

“seems like July has sent an assassin! ha! nice try!”

“what?”

“nothing. are you kidding me? that’s only the biggest black widow spider i’ve ever seen.”

“oh. i knew it was something i just wasn’t sure what.”

“that thing is huge. i’m taking pictures.”

“let’s go outside and look at it too.”

“sweet!”

i thought it was strange that it was hanging out in a web in broad daylight as i was told they live in dark places like woodpiles and underground in your water meter hole. but here was this asshole all, “right here, bitches.”

yeah, if i were you i’d click that pic to see the ginormosity of that thing.
*clap clap* “ENHANCE!”

here’s a pic of it outside. and again, you should see the big ‘un. *clap clap* “ENHANCE!”

then one of my coworkers had had enough and she killed it. they were all, “what if it lays eggs tomorrow and they get in the window?!” i wanted to get more pictures of it because i figured i had more time before the thing exploded with babies who would then come in the ‘brary and eat our souls…. but i lost out, and she done kilt that black widder graveyard dead.

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7.15.08 Yesterday at the ‘brary…

Category: dribblings

today is P.J.’s birthday! Happy 12th Birthday, dude! skknt!

so yesterday at the ‘brary it was like this all day long:

a lady comes up to the desk to check out some books and one of the books is a reference book.

“i’m sorry ma’am, i can’t check this book out. it’s a reference book.” i say while pointing to the sticker that’s on the book cover that says, “This is a reference book and cannot be checked out.” or whatever that sticker says, it’s something like that.

she’s pissed. “what do you mean i can’t check it out? it was on the shelf!”

“i’m sorry. did you not find this in the reference section? it could have been misshelved or someone may have been looking at it and put it in the wrong place.”

“i got it over there.” she says. pointing. at the reference section.
above the reference section there are giant 12 inch letters that spell REFERENCE.

“right. that’s the reference section. none of those books can be checked out.” okay, now wait for it… wait for it…

“what? well when did y’all start doing that?”

since before you were born, lady.

***

that afternoon i had this awesome phone call, again a lady.

“the is jaimie, may i help you?”

“janie? is this the liberry?”

and let me just say that if you call the library and you get to me? you’ve gone through a whole automated menu deal.

“yes ma’am.”

“y’all got any law books?”

“yes ma’am, we have some. can you be a little more specific, and i can tell you if we have the type of law books that you’re looking for?”

“well, i don’t even have a liberry card.”

“do you live in etowah county?”

“yeah.”

“then your library card is free. you can fill out an application when you get here.”

“well, i don’t know about that. i’ll just come in and see what you have.”

“… okay.”
thank you for wasting both of our time. it was a refreshing change, wasn’t it?

Dear Public,

You have no idea how much I want to be your Liberry Superhero. When you call or come in and ask me a question I want to help you find what you’re looking for or answer your question SO COMPLETELY that when you leave you’ll leave with the book or information you were looking for and there will be no doubt in your mind that your search is complete.

But I need your help, Public. I need you to talk to me. I cannot read minds. I do not get paid enough to scry stones, paperclips, or anything, really, to figure out what you need. You must speak to me, preferably in complete sentences, but barring that maybe you could use more adjectives (those are your describing words!) when telling me what you’re looking for, and I can better answer your question.

HELP ME HELP YOU.

Love,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Liberry Worker

 

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7.13.08 Fun at Sistah Snoozie’s

Category: dribblings

Sistah Suzie had a birthday last week so a couple of us went to her digs for a bit where i snapped a few pics. before we got to her house fellykish and i went to a gas station to get snoozie some last minute birthday prizes (gas stations around here are perfect for this kind of thing. i don’t know why they have all that extra shit in there, but they do.) we bought a microphone cigarette lighter with Elvis on it, and it speaks too. i mean, where else can you get that crap? i also bought an old man hat. they sell hats. at the gas station.

here’s fellykish in the old man hat.

 
i know. remember when she and sheryl crow did that duet that time?

once again sistah suzie’s garden is busting out the giant veg.

and i think it’s really sweet that in their garden they also planted sunflowers.

giant flowers to go with their giant zucchini.

and we ate many sausage stars (as shown here):

and later that evening i got sick and hurled and slept with a trashcan.

the best part about the gas station is that it’s now owned/runned by some Koreans and they absolutely LOVED us. i guess because we were buying a hat and a microphone lighter? but then the little old man was all, “did you see the frog lighter?” and we were all, “yeah, but obviously… microphone.” because yeah, microphone wins over frog any day. but he had to go get one of the frog lighters to show us how it ‘ribbit ribbits’ and then he pressed the lighter down and the flame shot out of the frog mouth on the side nearly catching us on fire.

i know, we had that much fun before there was even any booze in the equation. you should definitely come with me to the gas station some time. i guarantee it will be memorable.

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35. While They Slept: An Inquiry into the Murder of a Family by Kathryn Harrison

Category: 50 Books

35. While They Slept: An Inquiry into the Murder of a Family  by Kathryn Harrison

This was (or so I thought)  about the 1984 slaying of the Gilley family by their son, Billy Gilley. Billy Gilley killed his mom, dad, and little sister Becky with a baseball bat. He did this in order to save himself and his other sister Jody from further abuse by their parents.  He killed Becky because she wouldn’t stay in her room while he was killing the mom and dad. He says he hit her to shut her up and not to kill her, but you know how 11 year old skulls and baseball bats go.

I would have probably enjoyed this book more if the author herself had not imposed her own life story and dysfuntional family into the story. Especially since her story was more incestual and not “my brother killed my fam with a ball bat.” If her brother had, in fact, killed her family, then I could see why she would bring up her story. But no, having an incestuous relationship with your father is not congruent to parricide. It’s just not. So to me it seemed forced.

Another thing I did not like about the book is that it psychoanalized EVERYTHING. But not from a doctor’s perspective. Not that that’s always bad, I mean doctors can be very dry and impersonal when describing things. But when the author questions Jody (the surviving sister) about the murders and her childhood and does so with all this psychological talk it comes across as more of a hobbyist asking questions than any kind of actual study.

I just did not enjoy this book. Do I think it’s interesting for a victim to write about another victim? Yes. Do I think it works in this instance? No.

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34. The Monster of Florence: A True Story by Douglas Preston with Mario Spezi

Category: 50 Books

34. The Monster of Florence: A True Story by Douglas Preston with Mario Spezi

And here we start my True Crime reading binge for the summer.

Douglas Preston is a very well-known mystery/thriller writer. He usually writes with his pal, Lincoln Child. Their books are very popular at our library. So when I saw that Mr. Preston had delved into the true crime genre I requested that our library get this book, and oh, it was such a good read.

True crime books can all be pretty similar, so when I read one that’s a bit different I really like the book even more. This is one of those books, cos not only does it tell about serial murders that did not take place in the United States, but it also involves the author in the investigation.

The serial murders took place in Florence, Italy in the early 1980s. The murders all took place in “lover’s lane” type places. The killer would kill the boy first and then kill the girl and mutilate the girl’s body. Really terrible stuff. Mario Spezi was the crime beat reporter for the newspaper during these murders so he became kind of an expert on these crimes.

In this book you learn not only of the murders but of how the Italian legal system “works”. It’s a bit different than here in the U.S. because they can imprison a suspect for as long as they want. So they’d find a suspect and hold him for months until another murder would happen and they’d have to let that suspect go because obviously he couldn’t kill couples from prison. This happened a lot with suspects.

Some of the main investigators/prosecutors used these crimes to benefit themselves to gain better jobs and appointments. Reading about the Italian legal system made me sick. I forget how amazing the whole “innocent until proven guilty” thing actually is. It got so bad that while Spezi and Preston were researching and interviewing for this book that they kind of do their own investigation (and halfway through the book i was all, “what about that kid? i bet it was him.” and then towards the end when they’re doing their own investigating and their all, “hey, it’s that kid.” i was all, “ha! i knew it!”) they both get in serious trouble when the Italian police claim that the two authors planted evidence. Of course the police have no proof at all of any evidence being planted anywhere, but Preston gets into serious trouble and is forced to leave Italy while Spezi is imprisoned.

What’s so scary to me is that they are called up on these charges by the police guy who is also writing a book on the Monster of Florence only he’s looking at it from “a satanic cult is doing the murders” perspective. While Douglas and Preston are going at it from “the Sardinian Trail” perspective, which is about this gang of Sardinians who came over to Florence at this time and one of them had the murder weapon (a .22 Beretta that was used to kill one of the Sardinian’s wives. the gun is then ‘stolen’ and used in the Monster killings). So obviously, which one makes more sense? a strange cult or a serial killer? Yeah, exactly. So that police guy (with the help of some crazy, consiracy theory nutbag lady with a website) uses his influence to shut down Preston and Spezi.

Preston then gets as many human rights/journalist rights groups as he can to fight for Spezi to get him out of prison.  Amazingly the Italian judges overturn the local judges who wrongfully imprisoned Spezi.

I just thought it was incredible that the authors themselves end up getting involved in the investigation.
And still the Monster has not been caught. What’s also intersting is that Thomas Harris borrowed some of his Hannibal ideas from the Montser killings.

I’d recommend this book to anyone who likes true crime and maybe for those who haven’t gotten into the true crime thing but want to try it, because this book reads like a story and moves at a very fast pace. It gets 0 Cansecos, no wait, it gets 1 Canseco because it didn’t list any sources or notes in the back and I thought that was kinda lousy. I mean, how can you get away with writing a nonfiction book and not give a bibliography? I realize that Spezi was probably Preston’s  greatest source, but still. Lazy!

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7.10.08 free slurpee alert

Category: dribblings

Scottie of The Cube (not to be confused with Scottie of the Wine) has just e-mailed me to say that on 7.11.08 (which is tomorrow) 7-11 stores will be giving out free slurpees because it is 7/11. i guess they do this every year?

sadly, we don’t have 7-11 stores around here. so no free slurpee for me tomorrow. oh well, i hope yours is awesome!

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7.09.08 WTF Wednesday

Category: dribblings

okay, i’ve got some site stats going and you know what that means! that’s right, the Reefer Log is back!

lately on the Reefer Log:
dante’s hell and scabies …they seem to go hand in hand, don’t they?
catfightsex
midget wrestler
conquistadors and martin luther
what does blood stains when in my puke mean it means it’s time to go to the doctor.
melissa delbridge
looks like a beer can on my ac unit
alien vs predator chess set
locomotive bumper stickers are you kidding me with this? still?!
ayn rand- can she be called a ‘bitch ?
greenish/bluish poop  yeesh. have you been drinking odd colored sport drinks?

do you want to know what the most popular search phrase is for this site so far in july, this july that hates me?
Jose Canseco.
that’s right. many people are finding my site by searching for jose “the doosh” canseco.

to all you Canseco fans out there, i’m sorry.
sorry that you’re a fan of that whiney tool bag, that is!

***

and now on to some recentish txt msgs:

butt scratcher?! butt scratcher?!
– leetle brahther

hey, what was Hitler’s last name?
– leetle brahther

go team venture!
– fellykish

that’s numberwang!
– leetle brather

IGNORE ME!
– fellykish

if i pull down on this candle holder will it… get wax on my carpet? yes.
-leetle brahther

what if the goddamned town meeting in Aliens was just like in Footloose only Kevin Bacon was played by the Predator!
– cookie

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7.09.08 Farmers’ Market

Category: dribblings

is it farmer’s or farmers’? it doesn’t matter. now the word farmer doesn’t seem like a word at all. farmer.

RBC has decided that it wants a farmers’ market too. so every monday and wednesday from 7am – noon at the RBC City Hall parkinglot you can find a couple of fruit and veg dealers hawking their wares.

i was going to walk Roxy down there this morning, but when i went to put her leash on her collar wasn’t on her neck. i eventually found it under the deck. it was torn. so i couldn’t walk her. boo. she’ll get a new necklace soon.

so instead i rode my bike over to cityhall. i looked at all the stuff but i only bought some of those hard green (with a little bit of red) plums.


my god, i love those. i’ve already had three and i’m having to force myself not to eat anymore as i’m already flirting with potential gastro-intestinal disaster.

on the way home yesterday i tried to take a picture of the hawk, but i couln’t get close because the damn thing always flies away. so here’s a link to the giant picture (i couldn’t make it small cos you wouldn’t be able to see anything. it’d be even more “where’s waldo” than it is now.

 

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7.08.08 The Nozzle

Category: dribblings

 

i know that kelly and i are the only ones who watch the Venture Bros. and that we’ll be the only ones to watch this clip over and over, but after you watch it i know you’ll have “…the. nozzle.” stuck in your head too.

in other random:
i am reading Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi’s The Monster of Florence and it is FANTASTIC. for those of you who enjoy true crime books, and even for those who are kinda ‘meh’ about true crime, i think you’ll like this one.

i have to kind of limit myself on true crime because i’ll totally binge on it and then become worried about serial killers and such. i’m like that with lemonade too. the binging part that is. i’m not worried that lemonade is going to hunt me down and kill me.

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7.07.08

Category: dribblings

on the evening of the fourth of the july mom and dad were at home watching T.V. and enjoying a semi-quiet evening. when all of a sudden there rose such a clatter, or a knock at their front door, i guess.
“come in!” they yelled.

no dice.

“come in!”

more banging on the door.

“which one of our drunk friends is this?” they ask. mom gets up and opens the door.

“it’s Roxy!”

yes. our dog was scared of the firecrackers, escaped our backyard, and ran straight over to mom and dad’s front door to spend the evening inside their house safe from the dangerous, scary fireworks. when we got home from a party that night mr. fleegan went outside to check on Roxy… who wasn’t there.

luckily dad had left a message on my phone saying that he had Rox. so there wasn’t much panic.

so i let her out the next morning thinking that she had jumped the fence the night before in a fit on panic, and that during the day she would not feel the need to escape again. later that morning i plan to go to a birthday party and as i get to the jeep who do i see? right next to the jeep?

yep. there she is all, “oh hai!” and wagging her tail.

so i take her to the backyard and say, “okay, show me where you’re getting out.”

and she takes me right to the spot all, “look at this! isn’t this awesome?!” and mr. fleegan went to Lowe’s to buy some stakes to fix the fence where she was going under. and you know that’s got to be a huge hole, right? my dog is Big McHugelarge. so mr. fleegan fixes it and all is right with the world.

until we come home from the Beerfest at Eric’s last night. who was in the front yard?

Bad Dog! that’s who!

so this morning i go to Lowe’s first thing. only mr. fleegan could not tell me where he found the stakes in Lowe’s. “they’re near the front but towards the back.”

“…okay, are they near the paint aisle?” cos i go to the paint aisle quite often. so everything is in relation to that for me.

“they’re within a row or two of the paint aisle.”

“which side of the paint aisle?”

“either side.”

so already i’m pissed.  i mean, not one landmark? they weren’t next to something?

i go in and there’s no one helpful. i look around and find no stakes anywhere. i finally end up buying these foot long screw thingies. i got five for $6, so i figure i’ve saved some money cos you know they’re going to ask top dollar for official looking stakes. i get home and put them in the fence while mr. fleegan gets ready for work.

he comes out dressed for work all, “did you find the stakes?”

“no. i bought some metal rod screw things.”

“oh. did they go into the ground pretty far?”

“no.”

“then they won’t work. she’ll dig them up.”

“well, considering you couldn’t tell me where the damn stakes were other than, “they’re hidden somewhere in Lowe’s” and the fact that you blocked the hole with a small flower pot, and that seemed to keep her in this morning, i think they’ll be fine.”

fucking july, don’t you do this to me again.

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