DingDangWhatnow?

Category: dribblings

There’s a new bookshame review up at dingdangdookie.com by new reviewer, Barb-wire Bush. She writes a thoughtful review WITHOUT using swears because she thinks she’s better than me. So what? She is. Go read it.

http://dingdangdookie.com/bookshame/

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Leetle Brahther’s Before and After

Category: dribblings

Li’l bro wants in on the sweet B&A action:

Cowabungalowridersonthestormofthecentury21

yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaaAAAH!

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Jimkata’s Before and After

Category: dribblings

Our pal JimT. came up with a great B&A:

Fiscal Cliff Huxtable.

BOOSH.

 

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Grocery Store Face Punch

Category: dribblings

I was checking out at the grocery store and the cashier kid says to me, he says, “I’ll need to see your ID.”

Cos I was buying beers. No bigs, I love being carded.

I hand him my license and he says, “Oh wow. You’re way older than I thought you were.”

Wha? Well, I guess… he means it like a complime-

“You’re like, my mom’s age. You look good for your age. This isn’t my favorite beer. I like Bud.”

EITHER YOU SUCK AT MATH OR YOUR MAMA WAS A WHORE.

 

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Before and After and a Christmas tree

Category: dribblings

My B&A:
Creflo Dollar Menu

BOOSH!

Anyway, we have a Christmas tree in the house. It’s a real tree and I don’t want to hear any of you hippies griping about it, okay? We didn’t drive out to a tree farm and cut it down. We aren’t monsters. It was already cut down and for sale so I mean, SOMEONE had to buy it otherwise it would’ve just gone bad and died in a parking lot, right? So we basically SAVED the tree is how I look at it.

I like having a real tree because it’s old school and makes the house smell good and I love making sure there’s water in the stand every morning, and I also love how everytime I walk past it I get sap all over my hands. What the hell, damn tree? This has been the sappiest tree we’ve ever had. I feel like I’m decorating the tar baby from that racist children’s book. No kidding, don’t walk past the tree if you son’t want sap on ya shirt. Also? Don’t look it straight in the eye either, gotta come at it from the side. The lights are on it, but I think for the ornaments I’ll just throw them at the tree and see what sticks.

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AM Satellite Radio?

Category: dribblings

This morning I found out that Neil Sedaka and NOT Anne Murray sang “Laughter in the Rain” and I gotta tell ya, I feel like I’ve lived a lie for 30 years.

If I’ve been wrong about that, WHAT ELSE AM I WRONG ABOUT? Just, y’know, MY WHOLE LIFE IS ALL

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Before and After (and after and after and after)

Category: dribblings

soapdishwallawallawashingtonmonument

then I played around with letting me change monument so I could take it further (and played with mistake/steak):

soapdishwallawallawashingtonmonumentalmistakesauce.

I’m not crazy, YOU ARE.

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Hot Tub Arcade Update!

Category: dribblings

We still don’t have a Hot Tub Arcade.
Just passing along the disappointment.

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whointhewhatnow?

Category: dribblings

Apparently Doc McStuffins Time For a Check Up doll is one of THE toys to get this Christmas. I didn’t know what the hell this was, but it sounded like a pervert toy or something. (If you don’t think Doc McStuffins doesn’t sound like a perfect pedo login name, get out of here.) So I googletubed that cos, you know, I have friends with kids; I need to know about this shit.
Turns out, it’s some kind of Disney cartoon, and Doc McStuffins is a 6-year-old black girl who fixes toys.
So now I feel guilty for thinking it was some kind of pervy toy.

BUT COME ON.

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Oh Monday, you rascal.

Category: dribblings

Today a lady came up to the circ desk to check out her book. She reached into the The Vault* and pulled out her library card.

I wanted to melt into the carpet and not have to deal with her. But I am an adult so I gritted my teeth, made the transaction, and did not scold her for being a disgusting trash-goblin of a person.  I’m preeeeeetty sure my civil rights were violated somehow. I keep telling myself that God loves her just as much as He loves me.

Lord, please help that lady get some pockets. Amen.

 

*The Vault is when a lady trash-goblin uses her bra to hold her goods (other than boobs) so she doesn’t have to bring in her purse. And lookit, I don’t mind if you stash yo’ shit there, but I DO mind if you’re gonna do a transaction of some kind. Don’t whip that shit out in front of me. I don’t need a show. What I need is for you to hold up YOUR END OF THE SOCIAL CONTRACT.

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