More Games of Bones Thrones (Incest Edition)

Category: dribblings

Okay, real quick here. This show is getting to be even more porny than ever. I feel like a conservative a-hole when I watch it all, “THIS is awful. I can’t belive THIS is on TV. WHY are they doing THAT? Was showing THAT necessary? OMG, WHAT ARE THEY DOING? DO PEOPLE DO THAT? DON’T ANSWER THAT.”

This show is a shitty excuse for some limpdick mofo to show women as objects. Hey! What’re you- HEY! COME BACK WITH MY SOAPBOX. D’oh!

SPOILER ALERT. (You big babies)

But fine, I still like the story even though, and I’ve said a million times, EVERYONE IS HORRIBLE. But the other day, we got to season two, episode 3, and that weasel guy, Robb’s ward from that awful river place castle with the dad who looks like Ted Nugent if Ted Nugent gained 20 pounds? And some lady gives him a ride to the castle (which he hasn’t been to in 10 years or something), and he DOES THINGS TO HER WHILE THEY ARE RIDING THE HORSE? And she’s all, “YEAH! I like this a lot!”

And then his dad, Ted Nugent, is all mean to him cos he hasn’t seen him in ten years, but I mean, his dad GAVE HIM to the Starks, so it’s the asshole dad’s fault ANYWAY. And he won’t let the Weasel (I’m sure he has a name. I don’t know what it is.) lead his new River Land Castle Army (Whatever) to fight AGAINST the Starks, even though the Stark’s have been good to Weasel. And Weasel is all, “But I’m your only son. If I don’t lead your army, who will?” and Ted Nugent is all, “Your little sister will. You remember your little sister don’t you? She’s awesome now.” and he points behind the Weasel and the Weasel turns and sees THE HORRIBLE, AWFUL, SICK, SACK OF BITCH HE FINGERBANGED ON THE WAY TO THE CASTLE. OH MY GOD. I JUST THREW UP.

I jumped up off the couch and screamed, “NOOOOOOOOOooooo! Oh my God, SHE KNEW IT WAS HER BROTHER! NO. THIS IS HORRIBLE. EVERYONE IS HORRIBLE. I hate this show. She knew. She let him do that. Oh my… She did it on purpose. What kind of people are these?”

Meanwhile, LiznChris, who are watching the show with us and have seen it before and knew it was coming, were all, “Priceless.”

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Tags: Game of Thrones, TV

Bookshame

Category: dribblings

Oh snap! There are 2 new reviews up at dingdangdookie.com!

BOOKSHAME.

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Games of Thrones is killing me.

Category: dribblings

This show. We finished the first season. THEY KILL PEOPLE. People we loved. MAIN CHARACTERS.

Things yelled at the screen during the last two/three episodes:

“That’s going to get infected.”

“HATE him. SO much.”

“Oh, THIS is going to be some Monkey Paw shit, DON’T DO IT!”

“Wait, what did they say her baby was filled with?”
“Grey worms.”
“I’M OUT! THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER EAT A RAW HORSE HEART, NOR FUCK WITH MAGIK.”

“I hate him SO MUCH.”

“Wait. Did they just kill him? Because isn’t he- IS HE DEAD? FOR REAL DEAD? THEY CAN’T KILL HIM! He’s not really dead right? Is he dead-dead or is he Gandalf-dead, and he’ll come back later? OH MY GOD, HE’S DEAD ISN’T HE? FOREVER DEAD. I HATE THIS SHOW. EVERYONE IS HORRIBLE.”

“HAAAAAATE.”

“OH NOOOO! SUN AND STARS…. aw.”

“She is going to burn the shit out of that shit.”

“Does the Incest Queen eat a lemonpickle before they shoot ALL of her scenes? I mean, her face… Does she watch the playbacks? Does she know her face always looks like that?”

cersei

“Oh, that’s that guy we saw at that thing that time. Keep an eye on him.”

“EVERYONE. IS HORRIBLE.”

One fun game I like to play while watching this show and yelling at the screen, is to rename the direwolves. Here’s the game: You have to rename all of the direwolves at the same time. So basically you say 5 names in a row, because I think there are 5 direwolves, right? I can’t remember how many there are. It’s best if you start out with real names and end up with awesomely ridiculous names because it’s a guaranteed laugh.

Ice, Glacier, Shark Fang, Pectoral Muscle, and Pensicola.

Snow, Greybeard, Swordsmith, Chi-Chi, and Shep.

Wind, Springtail, Lucy, Chivalry, and Magnet.

Beast, Prince, Teela, Trap Jaw, and Man-At-Arms.

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Tags: Game of Thrones, TV

More Bones of Thrones

Category: dribblings

So I don’t want to spoil anything for you so if you plan to ever watch Game of Thrones skip this post in case I spoil something. Or better yet, stop being a big baby and just deal with the internet already.

We are on episode 6 of the first season. There have been two moments in the show so far where the writers have done a GREAT job of telling you everything you need to know in one small, tiny scene. The first was when we meet the Dothraki Horde and the girl (I don’t know her name) with the really blonde hair asks the Helpful British Guy something like, “How do you say thank you in Dothraki?” And he responds with, “There is no word for thank you in Dothraki.”

That is ALL you need to know about how scary the horde is.

The second part was when Bitchy Wife kidnaps Know-it-all Dwarf and is taking him to her sister’s castle and he’s all, “When was the last time you saw your sister? She’s crazy as shit, you know.” And she’s all, “Whatever.” And then they get to the sister’s castle and she’s on her throne breastfeeding her 10-year-old son.

That is ALL you needed to see to know just how crazy the sister is.

***

Things I’ve shouted at the screen while watching GoT:

“When he keeps threatening to unleash the dragon, is he talking about his penis?”

“Dude just got jousted in the throat! You don’t come back from that.”

“Dude just got stabbed in the eye! He did NOT see that coming.”

“Dragon’s egg! That shit is going to hatch!”

“She is putting all of her fear and hate into that dragon’s egg, and when it hatches a miserable, hate and fear dragon is coming out.”

“EVERYONE IS HORRIBLE.”

“Shit-smeller! The queen is a shit-smeller.”

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Tags: Game of Thrones, TV

Thrones of Bones

Category: dribblings

So Mr. Fleegan and I are watching the first season of Game of Thrones with some pals and here’s the thing, we’re only three eps in, but I’m pretty sure the title is misleading. THIS SHOW ISN’T ABOUT THEMED CHESS SETS AT ALL.

I’m kidding. It totally is.

No, it isn’t.

But the title does make it seem sporty, right? Well, so far, no sports. No games. No competitions. No gladiators. No jousting. No tug-of-war.

So I’ve come up with a few better titles:

Medieval Incest

The Know-it-all Dwarf

Everyone is Horrible

I Hate Her Face

Dire Wolves Make Great Pets. No, Wait.

The Rape Show

I Hope He Dies First

Winter is Coming So Everyone Just Chill the Hell Out

Everyone is acting like a Bastard EXCEPT THE BASTARD

Obviously You Spoil Your Kids

The King is Always Drunk

Everything About the Horde Terrifies Me

Worst Brothers Ever

Family Ties

All in the Family

She Needs to Eat a Sandwich

Tits and Ass

When Does Beowulf Show Up?

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Tags: TV

Tumblr, you stoopit.

Category: dribblings

Tumblr.

What is it?

Where is the letter e?

How does it work?

Why is it here?

Scientists have been asking these questions for thousands of minutes. The truth is, we don’t know, and the possibility of never knowing the answers to these burning questions is a reality that we need to accept. The sooner we can stop asking smart questions and start posting adorable pictures of kittens doing hilarious things the better we’ll all be for it.

***

First things first, all conversations are paraphrased and mostly made up by me.

A couple of weeks ago my pal Laura pestered me into getting a Tumblr account. Before this she had been taking every opportunity to tell me about her Tumblr and things she had seen on Tumblr and she just wouldn’t shut the hell up about Tumblr and how much she had been enjoying it.
“You should get a Tumblr.”
“Is this like Pintrest? Because I don’t give a damn about recipes and kittehs and shit like that.”
“No, it’s not really like that. It’s like a blog, sorta.”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but for the last 13 years I’ve been blogging. I’ve been blogging since before there was blogging. It’s called fleegan.com, have you visited it?”
“Is that the link you’ve been spamming my inbox with everyday for the last 13 years?”
“Yes.”
“Never been to it.”
“That’s fine. It’s just a site full of swear words and everything important that has ever happened to me that you’d need to know about.”
“ANYway. Tumblr is great… (blah blah blah)”
“Okay WHY do I need another blog?”
“Well, it’s smaller. And you can see stuff other people made or commented on and enjoy that.”
“You are not selling this at all.”
“So when can I come over and set up an account and show you this works?”
“How does Friday sound?”

So she came over to the house and set up a Tumblr account and I realize that makes it sound like I couldn’t set up an account on my own, but I totally could’ve done that without her help, okay? It’s just if she hadn’t come over and forced me at gunpoint to do it we all know I never would’ve signed up for something as stupid as Tumblr.

Also, it’s not like I didn’t know about Tumblr, it’s just that all the Tumblr sites that I kept up with were in a file folder I named BLOGS that is handily kept in my FAVORITES folder and is how I remembered to visit those sites. Also, all the Tumblr sites I was following were themed sites. So I DID think that Tumblr sites were theme-y in content. And I had no interest in starting a theme blog, unless is was about baseball players’ facial hair. Which had already been done and I didn’t want to step on any toes.

So BOOM I had a Tumblr.
“Okay, so this is your dashboard-”
“I KNOW WHAT A DASHBOARD IS. Don’t act like I’m 4, okay?”
“Maybe if you’d stop acting like a 4-”
“DON’T finish that.”
“So from here it shows you updates from the other Tumblr blogs you follow.”
“Okay. So how do I search for people’s Tumblr blogs to follow?”
“Well, it’s not really… you don’t search that way on Tumblr.”
“So if I wanted to add your Tumblr I’d seach damecatoe tumblr whatever in the search box?”
“No. If you’re searching like that you’d do better to google it.”
“So you’re telling me the search field is, what? For looks?”
“No, you can only search for Tags.”
“Tags?”
“Yes, tags are-”
“I HAVE BEEN INTERNETTING FOR 600 YEARS. I KNOW WHAT TAGS ARE.”
“Right, so you can search for tags.”
“And that’s IT?”
“Yes?”
“Why would I search for tags? WHO would set up a format where the only searchable thing would be TAGS? Is there a different search field somewhere else? A setting I could could change so that I could search through Tumblr LIKE AN ADULT ON THE INTERNET?”
“Yeah, no. It’s not really great in that way. What I do is find something I really like that someone has reblogged and then check out their Tumblr to see if I like their stuff and then maybe reblog something of theirs, or if it’s a cool Tumblr then I’ll follow that person and their updates show up in my dashboard.”
“Everything you just said sounds terrible and inefficient.”
“It really is a bad format.”
“So why did I need this?”
“I think you’ll like it.”
“But also I don’t have a theme.”
“You just picked out a gray background.”
“No, like a theme blog. I don’t have time or an interest to blog about something that couldn’t be done on fleegan.com in the first place.”
“Not all Tumblrs are themed. Mine isn’t.”
“What’s yours about?”
“It’s not ABOUT anything. It’s stuff I make about SyFy Alice and things I find on the internet that I like.”
“Is this an elaborate prank?”
“No.”
“So following Tumblrs… I have some in my favorites folder.”
“Okay, lets’s add one.”
Minutes later….
“Great, now you follow me and two drag queens.”
“That sentence would never have existed before the internet.”

So after a week of wrestling with not being able to search for things like a normal person (only tags? COME ON.), I had added the Tumblrs that had been in my Favorites folder to my Tumblr account. Then I GOOGLED some Tumblrs specifically looking for art stuff because right off the bat I figured out that Tumblr is a VERY visual medium, and that it is basically Twitter but with pictures. I realize you CAN tweet pictures but it’s small and dinky and noone clicks on those. So once I made the Tumblr = Twitter with pictures, I was set.

Since they FORCE you to search for only tags I figured out how to track the tags I like. So Now I’ve got about 2,000 tags tracking. That’s an approximation. Also a lie. I have 30 tags. Fine whatever. But I felt that maybe my Tumblr experience was too small. First of all, I’m not really contributing to Tumblr in that I don’t add anything original. Secondly, I was getting a bit bored by my 30+ tags that were mostly art related. I needed to expand my Tumblr to new and bigger things. So I called Laura.
BIG mistake.

“Hey, is this lauracatoe.com?”
“Yes, is this fleegan.com?”
“It sure is. I’ve got a Tumblr question for you.”
“Shoot.”
“So what are you tracking?”
“What?”
“Your tags? I’ve only 600 and I was wanting ideas for more.”
“OH. I don’t really Tumbl like that.”
“Yeah well, you Tumbl all the time, so what are you tracking?”
“I Tumbl things I see on the internet, like on Etsy that I like. And I follow a lot of Tumblr blogs and so I reblog that stuff too.”
“Yeah, but the tags are how you search for things… so you have no tags?”
“I have two tags.”
“You’ve been on Tumblr for MONTHS and you only have TWO TAGS? That is impossible.”
“I’m glad you’ve been enjoying Tumblr.”
“How does your brain even work?”
“So what kind of tags do you have?”
“Abstract, anamorphic, anagrams-”
“HAHAHAHAHA.”
“Should I go on? Bees, coins, geodesic domes-”
“I need you to take a screencap of your tags.”
“Okay fine. Wait. They won’t all fit on the page.”
“You are a delight.”
“And you need some tags, otherwise people will think you’re a teenager. Don’t you have ANY interests other than television programs and infographics?”
“How does-”
“-my brain work? No idea.”

So we (Laura and I) were kind of amazed at how different our Tumblr experience is compared to each other. So she wrote about it and I’ve now written about it. And to sum up:
Laura is a fangirl who follows lots of Tumblrs. She likes people and appreciates what they post.
I am a grouchy, old gay man who follows tags because I don’t give a shit about strangers’ blogs; I just want to see things I like because everything is all about me.

This is why Laura’s Tumblr looks nice and tidy and my Tumblr looks like a lunatic threw the internet against the wall.

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Tags: laura, Tumblr

Thursday B&A

Category: dribblings

brought to you, once again, by Linda Queen of B&A.

A Christmas flavored one: RepeatTheSoundingJoyToTheWorldPeaceTrain

AlexanderTheGreatWallOfChinaTownOfNoReturnToSender

StopSignOfTheTimesSquareRootOfTheProblemChildProdigy.

Her mastery of the B&A is so far, unmatchable. I just invented the word unmatchable. I should’ve instead used the proper word of unmatched. I am constantly learning over here.

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Tags: Before&After