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Category: Uncategorized

Hi. I may have just done something stupid here. I was trying to bulk delete a ton of spam comments. I may have deleted real people as well. If I did I am SO SORRY and I don’t think that you are spam at all. So if you try to leave a comment and it tells you you can’t let me know by email so I can go back and fix it. Again, sorry.

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Games of Thrones season 3 eps 3 and 4

Category: Uncategorized

SPOLIERS ARE COMING, so don’t read this if you’re a big baby about that kind of thing.

Okay I’m two posts behind and I can’t remember anything about the episodes cos it’s been a week since I watched them. But here’s the thing, the ONLY thing I care about is the dragons.

When Jon Snow got captured by the secretary maid from Downton I thought that would be the end of the Night’s Watch storyline. I was wrong. They keep going back to that. And NO ONE CARES. Except, okay, when they finally, FINALLY, FINALLY TIMES TEN killed The Incest Polygamist, how satisfying was that? But then they started fighting each other? And I’m like, maybe they’ll ALL die from infection now.

Okay now, The Weasel got captured by I-Don’t-Know-Who and is being tortured for I-Don’t-Know-What. I’m fine with that. THEN some one rescues him and takes him all around these woods and is real cagey, right? So I was all, “Wouldn’t it be hilare if this whole time that guy is just taking him in a big circle?”

NAILED IT!

The Weasel got weaseled! He was due. But also, did his arms get more muscle-y? I think he’s been working out.

Now, let’s talk about dragons. When Dragon Lady was all, “I need an army so I’ll take 8,000 of those quiet soldiers and I’ll trade you one of my dragons.” I was all, “SAY WHAT?!” Cos let’s be real, SHE CAN’T TRADE HER DRAGONS. That’s against the rules or something isn’t it? Plus the army salesman was such a jerk and I was thinking all, “Wouldn’t it be hilare if she knew exactly what he was saying this whole time and didn’t need Sporty Spice to translate the closed captioning for her?”

NAILED IT.

But c’mon, everyone saw that one coming, right? And the dragon trade? We all knew that wouldn’t go down. they only thing we need to worry about now is how that trick is going to feed 8,000 quiet soldiers. I mean, those guys are buff so they’re gonna need hella calories, right?

As for Arya and the Robin Hood gang with the capturing of the Hound? I. Don’t. Care.
GET ON WITH IT.

Little Finger – what a creep, I don’t care about his storyline, mostly cos Sansa is in it. Done with her.

Joffery – Still not dead yet.

Marjorie – Joffery’s new wife-to-be. She’s one to watch. She’s a sneak, but a good sneak? Maybe? She will turn out to be horrible, I’m sure. EVERYONE IS.

Cersei shit-smeller/World’s Worst Father/Dwarf story hasn’t moved in ages. Where’s it going? Apparently nowhere. At least, it’s not moving out of the “Thinkin’ Room” or whatever you call that room where all the plotting happens.

Oh! But! I DO love the new Dowager Countess of Westeros. I don’t know her name. Marjorie’s grandma. SHE is a breath of fresh air. It’s like they told Diana Rigg, “Wear this huge dumb dress and head gear, and pretend you’re Katherine Hepburn pretending to be Eleanor of Aquitaine in Lion in Winter, m’kay?”
And she was all, “I’m on it!”
And we are all, “THANK GOD.”

I know you’re wondering, “But Jaimie, what about Jamie Lannister?”
And my response would be, “Who?”
And you’d say, “You know, Shit-smeller’s  incest brother?”
Oh yeah! He and Tilda Swinton are in a helluva mess aren’t they? When he saved her from being raped I was all, “Wow, unexpected.” but then? What had-happened next? EVEN MORE UNEXPECTED. That was a HANDY plot twist. Remember when he was the king’s HAND? (Anyway, I’ve a cold and on cough sizzurp, so my jokes aren’t great. Not that I’ve ever needed an excuse to make poor jokes.)
I can’t see where their story is going AT ALL, but I am still interested in it.

As for the teen squire with the huge dong?
Good for him.

 

 

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Games of Thrones season 3 episode 2

Category: dribblings

NOTHING happened and then it was over.

Oh wait, they did torture Weasel. As far as WHO tortured him? I have no idea, nor do I care.

Arya and the boys were in the woods and ate lunch with Robin Hood or someone. Then The Hound showed up and probably screwed up everything.

Things I think about The Hound:

NOTHING.

DO NOT CARE.

 

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The Murder Bird by Joanna Hines

Category: 50 Books

Ooh a twisty whodunit? Yes, please!

The story is about Sam, a young cellist, who’s mother’s death is ruled a suicide. Sam’s mom, Kirsten, is a famous poet, and her last journal and poem are missing. Sam thinks Kirsten did not kill herself, but was murdered. No one else believes Sam, she’s young, she has a bad attitude, and people don’t like her. So you follow her as she tries to find evidence of murder.

The characters are really great. Everyone is fleshed out and believable. The story is good. What I like about this story is while I was reading it I felt like ALL of the characters could’ve been the murderer. The ONLY negative thing I can say about this book is that it seemed to have three endings. Now I am all for a plot twist, or a Shyamalan ending, but I don’t need a dramatic ending that seems to end three times. The characters and mystery were tight. I loved it. The ending was a too long, it lost some of its edge.

Still and all, it was a good book and I’ll definitely read another one of her mysteries.

I give this book gets 3 Roxie heads.

If you want to give one of Ms. Hines books a go, you can do so here.

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Game of Thrones season 3 episode 1 Important Thoughts

Category: dribblings

FIRST of all. Cookie and I will be watching THE SHIT outta that Liberace biopic, Behind the Candelabra.

Okay. Here’s the shout-y things from the first ep of the season. Spoilers? I guess?

“WHEN DOES JON SNOW SEX IT WITH TYPEWRITER MAID?”

“When does Jon Snow join this new cult?”

“When does Jon Snow do ANYTHING? ANYTHING AT ALL?”

“DRRRRRRRAAAAAGONS.”

“Dragon Lady needs to stop being so bitchy to Sir Richard.”

“Did Sansa grow two feet taller? Nevermind. I don’t care.”

“Where is Arya?”

“Is Sansa really that tall or is Cher just really short? Nevermind. Don’t care.”

“The WORST part about Cher is how MYSTERIOUS she is. The mystery isn’t working. NO ONE CARES ANYMORE. There is far too much shit going on for me to care about why Cher is so cagey about her past.”

” I forgot Rob got married last season. Probably because I DON’T CARE. Also, Nurse Wife is cagey too, right? Are she and Cher sisters? Nevermind, don’t tell me. I don’t care.”

“WHERE is Arya?”

“THERE ARE TOO MANY CHARACTERS.”

“Lannister Dad is probably the Worst Dad Ever. Why isn’t he dead yet?”

“Joffrey’s new girl friend is a do gooder? For real? WHY ISN’T HE DEAD YET?”

“This salesman is a dick.”

“DUDE CUT OFF A NIPPLE.”

“Aw look, that little girl is being all shy with whatsherface.”

“DID OBI WAN KENOBI JUST KILL A SPACE SCORPION?! ARE WE ON SPACE NOW?”

“That is NOT a little girl.”

“WHERE IS ARYA?”

“NEVERMIND. I DON’T CARE. ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE HORRIBLE AND NEED TO BE DEAD.”

“What? It’s over already?”

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MIB III

Category: dribblings

While watching Men in Black III for the first time, which was the other day (Finger on the pulse, that’s us.) this convo happened:

“How did they get Cate Blanchett to be in this?”

“That’s not Cate Blanchett.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, that’s Emma Thompson.”

“EVEN BETTER QUESTION.”

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Reefer Log

Category: dribblings

Remember when I used to post the searches that led people to this site? Well, let’s revisit that, shall we? Here are some search terms that showed up in my referrer log, and my responses (in red) to them.

themed chess sets I get more hits looking for chess stuff than anything. That would be this old Weekly.

looney tunes bull  I love Looney Tunes, and I LOVE. THAT. BULL.

how do you pronounce Kjell Ericksson pretty sure it’s pronounced like shell.

swag chess pieces  don’t know, but I want those.

Whiskey Rebellion fun facts really? Okay.

Grace Jones hair  My name is Jaimie, and I approve of this search.

Patty’s Got a Gun  really good book.

Civil War stuff  This search is far too general. If that is your search the Internet should come back with, “You’re gonna have to give us a little more than that.”

Sheffield’s where Jesus is Lord That place is real.

catchy slogans for the Townshend Act I never actually wrote one about this. Sorry.

Phil Collins sieg heil  I don’t think you’re weird for searching about this because I HEARD IT TOO.

platypus puppet mr rogers  That puppet was hideous.

hating birds  see also: the rest of this blog.

what’s worse than a cardboard box paper tits explained  I didn’t get that joke either. Then when I did, it wasn’t funny anyway. I thought it went “What’s worse than paper tits? A cardboard box.” Box is a slang word for vagina. Yeah, I said it wasn’t funny.

big foot taking a dookie  I believe that either my father or Uncle Dan searched for this. I hope so, anyway.

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True Confessions

Category: dribblings

I’m in my 30s. A legit grown-up. And I was just wondering, am I the only loser still using a checkbook? And also, am I a chump for getting the duplicate checks?

Hell naw, son! I’m playin’ finances old school, that’s all.

I’m so money, I’m like, yeah, let me pay extra for those duplicate checks that I never have to refer back to ever, cos I write that shit down in the register when I write my check anyway, cos I’m serious about my dough. Yeah, hell yeah, let me keep boxes of used duplicate checks in my Important File Cabinet of Holding for tens of years before I think about trashing them. Cos you never know when that shady city water board might come back on me all, “Our records show you missed a payment back in 1998.”
And I’ll be all, “Nah Trick, that check cleared. And here’s the proof.”
And they’d be all, “Ma’am, duplicate checks aren’t proof of anything. Also, I can’t belive you saved that for 15 years. Are you a hoarder?”
And then I’d just run.

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So anyway, baseball. Bye!

Category: dribblings

Spring Training started last week. Opening day is March 31. And I’ve done it again, I’ve bought MLB.TV for the whole season. This means I can watch all the baseball till I choke on it. Which sometimes happens around the All Star Game. But whatever. This year is looking like a bum year for the Yankees because apparently all of their players are made out of glass. They really need to think about getting some players with real skeletons.

I don’t care, you know I’m gonna watch that ship sink while I try my best to help Girardi manage from my couch.

Last year I picked a National League team to also root for, the Miami Marlins. I picked them because Ozzie Guillen was the manager and I love his wackiness. Apparently Miami did not, so he’s out, so I need a new team to root for. I’m leaning toward the Dodgers, because Don Mattingly is coaching them, and I guess I’m one-note over here.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee baseball!

I’ll miss you, cruel world, but not as much as I missed baseball all winter long.

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Game O’ Thrones (Kid Burning edition)

Category: dribblings

So we were watching season two, episode 7 with Liznchris.  And it ends with Weasel being all, “We caught ’em! And lookit what we did with ’em!” and then two burned up bodies are dropped from the roof.

At first I was all, “Who’re those bodies supposed to be? Not the kids, right?”

Liznchrisnjimmy are silent.

“I mean, those weren’t the kids, right?”

More silence.

“Wha- those were the kids? That’s not the kids. That can’t be the kids. I mean, the kids got away, right? This is a hoax, right? RIGHT? ARE THOSE KIDS DEAD? WHY ARE WE WATCHING THIS? THIS SHOW IS COMPLETE SHIT, AND EVERYONE. IS. HORRIBLE.”

“Jaimie, you’ve heard everyone say that in this show everyone is fair game.”

“THERE IS NOTHING FAIR ABOUT ANY OF THIS. This was just a hoax. The Weasel burned up two people and is acting like it’s the kids, because he’s trying to be a badass. I mean, they didn’t show him catching the kids, or burning them. All we see are two dead bodies. Plus, there should’ve been 4 dead bodies, right? The four of them escaped. So where’s the big guy and weird lady? See, it’s all a ploy for the Weasel to get respect from his horrible people. Those kids aren’t dead. RIGHT LIZ? THOSE KIDS AREN’T DEAD.”

Oh man. You guys. Are those kids dead?

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